Our Adoption Journey

ACE School of Tomorrow 6th Grade Word Building, Math, some English

2012-02-01T11:52:00.002-07:00

Okay, I just posted the 6th grade ACE workbooks on Ebay. These are the rest of the ACE curriculum that I have left. I am still going through homeschool books and will list them on ebay once I get the rest together. If you are looking for ACE School of Tomorrow, check this listing out. I will not have anymore of this curriculum once this auction is over. Thanks so much! By selling on Ebay, this is really helping us at the moment. I start college this summer so it is nice to be cleaning out before I will be consumed with studying. Thanks again for checking out our Ebay listings. :) There are 20 workbooks in the listing below.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/150749639954?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649#ht_655wt_1395

More books on Ebay

2012-01-31T13:44:00.002-07:00

I have sold the homeschooling books on Ebay and I have some more listings. I will be listing more homeschooling books hopefully in the next few days so if you are looking for some, please check me out. The listings below are not homeschool related...just books for sale. Thanks for looking. :)

http://www.ebay.com/itm/150748986530?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649#ht_499wt_1416

http://www.ebay.com/itm/150749000449?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649#ht_1020wt_1395

http://www.ebay.com/itm/150748975113?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649#ht_724wt_1395

Who am I?

2012-01-26T09:29:00.002-07:00

I have been emailing with a family member about who we are in Christ. I came across this website and wanted to share this list with you. I think it can help someone today. Even if you already know this, it is a great reminder to all of us to see how God sees us. We are a citizen of heaven. We are seated in heavenly places. I do not live in this realm - maybe that is why many do not understand me. :-)

I am a child of God – John 1:12
I am chosen before the creation of the world – Ephesians 1:4
I am fearfully, wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14
I am a friend of God – John 15:15
I am God’s workmanship – Ephesians 2:10
I am dearly loved – Colossians 3:12
I am forgiven – Colossians 1:14
I am justified – Romans 5:1
I am no longer condemned – Romans 8:1
I am holy & blameless – Ephesians 1:4
I am set free – Romans 8:2
I am rescued from the curse of the law – Galatians 3:13
I am a new creation – 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am dead to sin & alive in Christ – Ephesians 2:5
I am a member of God’s household – Ephesians 2:18
I am adopted as a child of God – Ephesians 1:5
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit – 1 Corinthians 6:19
I was bought with a price – 1 Corinthians 6:20
I am complete through Christ – Colossians 2:10
I am seated with Christ in heavenly places – Ephesians 2:6
I have been given great & precious promises – 2 Peter 1:4
I share His divine nature & escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires – 2 Peter 1:4
God will never fail or abandon me – Hebrews 13:5
I don’t have a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline – 2 Timothy 1:7
I am an heir, with Christ, in God’s glory – Romans 8:17
I am victorious – Romans 8:37
I am a light in the world – Matthew 5:14
I have all my needs supplied – Philippians 4:19
I can do all things through Christ – Philippians 4:13

Psalm 23

2012-01-25T08:37:00.006-07:00

Yesterday I saw Psalm 23 just about everywhere. It seemed no matter where I turned, I saw this reference. In the middle of the night I was praying. I kept thanking God for the favor I seem to have with Him. He keeps overwhelming me with His love and brings blessings out of nowhere. It is absolutely nothing I have done, but He continues to show me that I have favor. As I was praying, I remembered that I kept seeing Psalm 23 during the day. I could not stand it anymore so I opened up my Bible to see if there was something I was supposed to see in this passage.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.

There are many things that God wants me to see in this passage, but I will publicly share a couple of them. It was cool that I was just thanking Him for His favor and then this says, "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." And the best part is DWELLING IN HIS HOUSE FOREVER! Thank you, Jesus! Totally the best part for me is to be with Him always. This is what I long for and live for.

There is also something else that I was praying about before I saw this passage. Something really bad happened yesterday. There was a shooting in some apartments directly by Natasha and Samuel's school. Two people were killed. They had 5 schools on lockdown. As I was praying, thoughts began to run through my mind and I began thinking with my fleshly mind. I began regretting sending my kids to school because what if something bad happens to them like a shooter coming in the school? Before I went to bed, I was watching the news and found out this killer is on the run and has not been caught. I did not know that so a fear starting creeping in. I even had a thought that I was not going to get out and walk with the little boys today because what if this guy comes running through my neighborhood? I was even thinking I need to remember to lock the door and stay inside with the blinds closed.

Okay, ya'll...I am thanking God for the favor He has on my life. I start to thank Him for keeping my children safe that were right next door to the shooting. I begin praying that this guy gets caught ASAP and then all of a sudden, I have thoughts running through my head. Jesus MUST think I am a lunatic. How can I pray the things I do and then He hears my thoughts? Is that not double minded? I say I trust Him and then my thoughts do not show it...more on double mindedness in a moment. You know what? Jesus does not think I am a lunatic, though...haha. I may at times think He thinks that of me, but He doesn't. :)

Let me back up. Earlier in the day (before I even knew about the shooting), I received a message from a friend. Here is the exact message:
By the way, just saw this and thought it was encouraging. Let your faith be bigger than your fear.
I did not realize how prophetic that would be actually until this morning. God was preparing me in many ways yesterday. He was showing me Psalm 23 all throughout the day although I did not look it up until late in the night. Also, I got this verse early in the morning yesterday. James 1:2-8 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

I know I am all over the the place with my writing, but try to stay with me here. I write like I talk and it is a lot of rambling. Some people will be able to get what I am trying to say and I thank you for your patience.

I am trying to lose 15 lbs my March and I had written my MIL and explained I was not doing well. I talked about how I could not get motivated and I needed something else to get me going besides motivation. I also said you would think with all my numbers being bad that that would be motivating enough (numbers like cholesterol, triglicerides, etc.. - ALL were not even in normal range). But for some reason, I get excited in the beginning and then it goes out the window. This was her response and it was perfect for me!

It’s not motivation! So, if it’s NOT motivation ~ or wanting to ~ what is it?? Before I just answer that… first let me ask you… how many verses do you know that are about telling the truth, speaking what you mean to do, letting your yea’s be yea’s and your no’s be no’s. How many other verses can you look to that talk about a double minded man? What we declare or commit to is never based on whether we want to or not, it’s based on that we gave our word to something. Consider that what will take the three of us to March is that we gave our word to it. It’s integrity! Not that we’d be bad or wrong if we slip and don’t follow through with what we said we’d do, but that we’d acknowledge that we weren’t our word and re-commit and then do what we said we would do!! I’m looking to this three months to grow my own word… knowing myself as someone that can give their word to something and then stick to it.

WOAH! That hit me hard! It was so true! It is about doing what I SAY I am going to do. It is about me saying something and actually sticking by it and bringing it to completion.

But do you see what also just happened? That was the second time in the day that I also saw the word "double minded". I also didn't know how prophetic that word would be, either. God was showing me so many things throughout the day. You can call it a coincidence, but I think not.

Even though I was being double minded last night, it is not a knock on the head by God. He is not being mean to me. Many people think when they are feeling convicted that God is a mean God always ready to knock them down when they make a mistake. No, He is still loving. Think about this - if you let your children do whatever they want, is that love? If you see them doing something wrong and do not correct them, is that love? You want to protect them and stop them if you see them doing any kind of destructive behavior to themselves or anyone else. If God let me do whatever I want (or even think whatever I want), He wouldn't love me. Call me crazy, but it is true and what I believe about Him. If our parenting is supposed to mirror His parenting towards us, then love also means correction. I WANT to be corrected. I NEED to be corrected. That is how I grow. That is how He prunes me. He gives, but also takes away. It is for my own good and for HIS Glory!

I have learned that I need people to just tell me like it is. Don't sugar coat things or make something that it's not. Or don't make something sound better than it is. If it is not okay, say it is not okay. When I open up about some of my bad days with my children, people tell me I am just human and we all yell sometimes. At times, I like hearing that because I know I am not alone and other moms yell sometimes. It seems about two times a month I lose it. I am getting so much better than I used to and I am proud of myself. But, I know something is wrong when I act that way or shoot my kids down for no reason at all. I could just be in a bad mood and I am mean to everyone in my family. Little things could set me off one day that does not set me off the day before. Jamie (my cousin) said to me, "It's NOT okay to be that way towards your children." She said many more things that were straight to the point. No beating around the bush or sugar coating it. It made me see what I was actually doing to them when I act like that. Other people just said, "You are hard on yourself and you are a great mom." Even though it made me feel better at the time, it did not really help me to NOT act like that. Does that make sense? I need someone to come along and actually correct me instead of always patting me on the back. If I want to change certain behaviors, I need to be corrected.

He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
That is exactly it! It is all for Him and I only want the glory to be His.

I hope this helps someone else like it helped me. These are two separate things, but two things He showed me yesterday. Let your faith be bigger than your fear and allow God to correct you. He does it in a loving way and if you feel condemnation it is not from Him. There is no condemnation for those that are in Christ (Romans 8:1).

If you have surrendered your life to Jesus... That does not mean saying a certain prayer with certain words that someone said you HAVE to say in order to be saved. Your words to God are your own. You could have just said, "Lord, I give you my life. I want to follow you all the days of my life." You could have said, "I need you, Jesus. I want you to come inside my heart and live in me." You could say, "Take over my life and lead me." It is the heart that God saw when you said those words. If you truly believe when you said your words that Jesus died for you and came back alive, then you are saved. He has forgiven you of your sins (Ephesians 1:7, Colossians 1:13-14, Colossians 2:13-14, Psalm 85:2, 1 John 2:12, Psalm 103:3, Acts 13:38-39, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12, just to name a few)and the Holy Spirit is inside of you (Ezekiel 36:26-27, John 14:16-17, Acts 1:8, Romans 5:5, Romans 8:26, 1 John 3:24, Eph 1:13-14, Galatians 4:6-7 - I don't even know all the ones to write). You will begin to hear His voice. You will begin to know which one is His. You will begin to know when He is speaking to you through signs, scriptures, other people, dreams, etc... If you still are having trouble hearing Him, tell Him. Talk to Him and be real. Explain that you don't know how to hear Him. You hear people talking about how God told them something and you haven't had that experience with Him. Ask Him to show you. Ask Him to help you hear Him and see the things He wants you to see. Ask every single day. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in everything you do and in every decision you make. Pray it everyday. Surround yourself with people that will build you up and not tear you down. Christians are the worst at tearing other Christians down. Lots of people limit God and mold and shape Him the way they feel He should fit into their lives. Ask God to bring the right people to help you in your spiritual walk. Ask God to get rid of things that could be hendering you from following Him. Ask Him to show you what those things are. The way my relationship with Jesus is, I have been told I am in a cult. I have been told I believe in "false prophets." So, be prepared to be told you are crazy. Do not let that scare you because living for Jesus is the best way to live. I do not know how people get through this life without Him. He will never leave you and He will never forsake you (Hebrews 13:5, Deut 31:6, Deut 31:8, Joshua 1:5, 1 Chronicles 28:20, Isaiah 42:16, just to name a few). His love for you is unconditional, it is unfailing, you have been set apart, and He has great plans for you.(Ephesians 3:16-21, Psalm 36:5-7, Jeremiah 1:4-5, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 49:15-16, Psalm 48:9, Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 136:26, Lamentations 3:22-25, Luke 12:6-7, 1 John 4:9-10, John 3:16, Romans 8:35-39, 1 John 3:1, and there is soooooo much more!). Did you know that He sings over you? Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Explaination of what I said above to explain more of what I meant.

Romans 10:8-13 But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

The sample prayers I mentioned above say, "Jesus is Lord" if any of you are not understanding my simple prayers. The point I am getting across is that it does not need to be a fancy prayer to cry out to God. He sees your heart and knows when you want Him to be "Lord" of your life. He also knows when you are confessing with your mouth that you know you have been a sinner and cannot live without Him. You can say those things to Him as well if you'd like. Let's let God be the judge of their heart and their words. Let's not ever say they didn't say the right words so they are not "saved." Many people say the right words by "man's religion" and it is only words they are saying and are never saved. Someone else can cry out to Jesus and can barely speak at all because of their brokenness and wanting Him in their life and they are truly saved.

I hope you take away from this blog that there really is a God who wants a personal relationship with you. You cannot live off someone else's faith...not even your pastor's or spouse's. It has to be personal. He wants to be involved in your life. Let Him be real to you. He is alive. He is not someone who is watching you from far off. He is interested in you and all the details. Nothing is too small for you to bring to Him. He is not interested in someone else's life more than yours. You have to believe that because I know there are many times when you don't. This is for you! He cares about YOU! Don't let these be just words you are reading. It is not about a denomination, either so don't make it about that. Surrender your life to Jesus today and experience the best ride of your life. Experience a love like no one else on this earth can love you. You will know that you will live with Him forever. "Most assuredly, I say unto you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life." (John 5:24)

Trying to bring in extra money for family

2012-01-24T10:47:00.002-07:00

I also have some homeschooling books for sale on Ebay if anyone is looking for some.

- this one has four days left

http://www.ebay.com/itm/150739513683?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649#ht_499wt_1416

- this one has five days left on auction

http://www.ebay.com/itm/150740449387?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649#ht_1531wt_1395

I also found out I need to sell $150 worth this month with scentsy. If you are interested in ordering something from scentsy or know someone who is, please visit my webpage. ashleyfumia.scentsy.us Also, if you know where I live and you are a scentsy consultant or know someone who is, please contact me. I would like to meet with someone who is familiar with this to get help with this business. Thanks.

Psalm 30:11

2012-01-23T13:37:00.006-07:00

So much is happening in me. I am crying as I type this because I feel like God is bringing back many memories. I know this year is going to be so much better for us than 2011. These tears are just remembering the pain of last year. I am listening to songs again that helped bring me through that trial in our lives. I was so close to God and it seemed everything fell apart all at one time. I never knew you could be so high on a mountain top and think your life is great and then hit rock bottom. I have more compassion for people than ever before. I know how a person could have a family and a home and then become homeless. It all can happen so fast. His family could die in a crash in an instant. He could turn to drinking or drugs to ease the pain. He could lose it all and literally be homeless. Then, he is judged by people that walk by him. They don’t look at him in the eyes and all they see is a hopeless man that made the wrong decisions. They don’t know him. They don’t know he cries himself to sleep every night. The pain of losing his family is so deep. He wishes he would have just died himself. But, instead he lives a life of people judging him and does anything he can to ease the daily pain. People mock him…not with their words, but with their actions. He knows what they are thinking. He knows they call themselves Christians and he doesn’t want anything to do with the God they say they believe in. Why should he? This is the only God he sees and it is not a loving God. Why are we this way? Why am I this way? Have I turned a cheek to this lost and dying world? Do I pass people by even when I see the pain in their eyes? What are we doing? We sing songs that we are sold out for Christ, but are we really? Do we really know His love because if we did, we would want everyone to experience it. Why are we holding in this treasure that we have? I don’t know about you, but I cannot be complacent. I don’t want to be “good enough.” I don’t want to be the standard and just regular.

There have been times since we moved here that I felt guilty for moving my family. Some days are great and I love it here. Other days, I miss my friends and family so much I feel sick. I feel I took everything and everyone away from them. When I think about Cameron, I cry so much I can’t talk. He is our friend’s son who has special needs. He loved Grisha so much and Grisha loved him. They had a special connection – one that many people never experience in a lifetime. It was true, unconditional love. I think about Cameron looking for Grisha and crying for Grisha and that makes me feel I did this to him. He doesn’t understand and I never want him to feel it was his fault that he doesn’t see Grisha anymore. I feel I ran away and maybe I did not have enough faith that God would protect us. I didn’t stay and just “stand.” I was writing songs and our sweet friend's daughter who is so talented was composing the music. I wanted to do missions in the new church. Things were going so well and it seemed our lives just fell apart in an instant.

After saying all that, I want to tell you that God is faithful even when we are not (2 Timothy 2:13). I know I have shared this with you before and I am sorry if some of you are tired of me saying the same thing. But, I just can’t get over this because He doesn’t have to be. But, this verse says He cannot deny Himself. This is who He IS!! This is not something I am making up to make myself feel better. He truly is faithful when I am not. I don’t believe it just because He said it. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in His word and what He says. I believe everything He says is true. Even when I don’t experience what He says, I hang onto it. But, you can have the knowledge of something, but until you experience it, that is when you realize it is real. I can tell you all day long how much Jesus loves you. But, until you experience His love, you cannot understand it. You can know He says He loves you in the Bible. You can know that people tell you He loves you. But, you cannot really understand until you experience it. So, don’t ever knock down someone’s faith in Jesus. Don’t ever knock down the way someone worships. When they see me dance for Jesus, raise my hands, or fall down on my face or knees, they don’t know where I’ve been or what I’ve been through. They don’t know what God has brought me out of. Never, ever judge the way someone worships. Some people say the way people worship is all for show and attention. Let God be the judge of their heart. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). I cannot NOT be moved when I am in His presence. Suddenly, everything and everyone is gone. It is just Him and me. I used to care what people thought of me, but now I only want Jesus. I am dancing with Him and Him alone. No one is in the room, but us. Yes, I do it at home too but I also do it corporately because His presence is so thick and intimate at times even in a room full of people. It is like they all fade away and nothing else matters to me but being with Him. Jesus + nothing = everything. The pastor said this and it is so true. You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.

Even though at times I have felt I just fled from everything, God has remained faithful to me. He is not upset with me. He actually showed me many things before we left. He gave me dreams about the bad guys before they started calling my cell phone. He warned me many times the way these people were. He prepared me. He gave me scriptures as well. I felt confident in the direction He was moving us. Even though He reassured me I was doing the right thing by leaving, months later I forget this and feel it was my fault. I also feel at times I was not faithful to Him. But even when I feel I am not faithful, He remains faithful to me. Even when I feel I did not think He was big enough to protect my family, He is not against me. He is still for me.

Since we have moved here, Jesus has overwhelmed us with His love and blessings. We thought we found a church because it was the first one where we felt welcomed and the first one that preached on His love the way we know Jesus to love us. I spoke about what happened when we first got here and the rainbows He kept showing me. He kept reminding me to hang onto His promises. He kept showing me 1111 again (Hebrews 11:11) and every time I saw the numbers, He reminded me that He is faithful. God completely intervened and showed us the church He wants us to be in. A sweet man named Dan called us from a local church. He said the church wanted to buy our children Christmas presents. We had not asked for help with presents. God did all of this. Our family volunteers at a missions place where hundreds of people come to get food and clothes. We are there every week and I am sure we get more of a blessing from the people than they do from us. This place has been amazing for us. The owners know us and shared our story with people. They had already shared our story with a group of ladies who wanted to adopt our family for Christmas. These group of ladies are so awesome. They are so much like me it is unreal. They used to work for Compassion International and now they stay connected through a Bible Study they started with each other. So they have the same heart for missions as I do. Some of them have adopted from other countries just as we have. Some of them homeschool. I cannot wait to get to know them more. One is from Mississippi, went to Belhaven, and danced for Ballet Magnificat!! Ballet Magnificat dances at Crossgates all the time and some are members there. She is now my friend on facebook and we have some of the same friends in MS!!!! Is it not a small world? No, it is a God thing…nothing to do with a small world, because God totally ordained that! This group of women (and their husbands and kids) got each of our children presents and gave our whole family gift cards. I was so amazed at the outpouring of love from them. If ya’ll are reading this, thank you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You do not know how much we appreciate all of you. I wish I could give you all a really big hug!

Back to the phone call I received from the church… the owners of the place we volunteer at, told this church about our family. They wanted to help and also buy presents. I was shocked and could not believe it. When we went to pick the presents up from the church a few days before Christmas, they brought out so many presents. It literally filled our van up. There were also boxes of food for us. The people were so sweet. Children were helping bring presents to the van and saying, “Merry Christmas.” On Christmas Eve, Mr. Dan called again and said MORE presents had come in. I could not believe it. We could barely take all this in. There was more food and even gift cards for food. Every present that we opened was like the people knew us personally. You would never think these were from strangers. JC got England soccer jerseys. He lived in England as a teenager and played so much soccer there. Samuel also got a soccer jersey, both got Nike shin pads, JC got a soccer ball, and they got soccer goals. Samuel also loves skateboarding and someonegot him shirts that are from a skateboarding company. It was like he was in heaven. Grisha got a shirt that says, “Ukraine” with a Ukrainian flag. I got TWO warm jackets. Gabriel loves super heroes and he probably got every superhero that has ever been made. There were way more presents than this, but that just gives you an idea. These were quality gifts that were not cheap. It would not even matter if they were cheap because they all came from the heart. But, these people spent so much money on the gifts for people they don’t even know. One of my jackets is a Calvin Kline jacket that is so nice I am afraid to get it dirty - haha. JC got tennis shoes that he desperately needed. He goes through shoes every 3 months because of his job. He literally puts holes in the shoes. Did I mention this church is about 5 minutes from our house? I do not know how I never came across it before. But, God completely intervened and showed us a church that already loved us. That is a congregation that we want to be a part of. The way they loved us was amazing and how could we not even try it out? I feel the words thank you just aren't enough for what they have done for us.

We have only been there twice and this is totally our home. God is confirming it over and over to us. The first day I went, God told me some things later on in the day about the church. He says they are searching for Him and they will find Him. They are completely on the right path and when you are looking for God, you find Him (Deut 4:29). It does not mean they do not know who He is now. They do! But, God is showing me that they are learning more of who He is. That is wonderful because we do not want a church that seems to have it all together. We do not want a church that thinks they have it all figured out. We do not want a church where people think they know everything there is to know about God. We want a church that is searching for God. We want a church that is open to what He has for them. This is the church.

They are putting together a video about Hope 2011 and they wanted me to speak in it. I went to the filming yesterday and I was so nervous. This is the reason I am emotional today because what I spoke on brought back memories. It is not a bad thing, but it is like God is bringing me full circle. I need to remember some things and release them to Him. I was driving this morning and a song came on. It was a song that helped me through when I could barely stand. I could hardly sing because I just started crying. I was remembering when things felt so bad that I had to hang onto Jesus. I had to hang onto the words that He told me even if I didn’t feel Him in that moment. I remembered the drive out here that took three days. I had the weight on my shoulders and He gave me music that I needed to hear at the exact time. I have already shared some of the songs on here, but since I am going down memory lane, I want to share them again. If you do not have time to listen to these songs or simply do not want to, just scroll down and finish reading after the songs. I would love for you to listen to some of them when you get the chance, though.

This is another song of hers that I love. It is newer to the radio now and I LOVE IT!

Here is a song we need to hear to remind us not to turn away and not to judge.

Here is one for someone right now.

He Is With You lyrics

There's a time to live
And a time to die
There's a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these

Chorus:
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you

There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There's a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

Chorus:
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

Chorus:
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you've given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you

I know those are a lot of songs, but maybe you can come back and listen to them if you don't have time now. Just listen to one and then another time listen to another one until you have been able to get through them.

A quick update:

The three teenagers are now in school. It was a hard decision after homeschooling for so long. They all love it and that makes me feel much better. I pray for them all throughout the day to make the right decisions, to honor God in everything they do, and for God to bring them Christian friends. I know they are going to be mighty warriors for Him even if I don't always see it. I am going to keep praying for them to be on fire for Jesus and not be followers of man.

My mom came during Christmas vacation and we had such a great visit. The children still talk about her and want to see her again soon.

My mother-in-law also came for a visit this month and it was so nice. We had a great visit and we all miss her, too.

I have decided to go to college. I have applied for grants and been accepted into a community college. I will start in the summer 2012.

JC has started on an adult indoor soccer league. He has coached, but he hasn't played on a team in years. He is having to get back in shape. :)

I am taking on a challenge to lose 15 lbs by the last day of March. My mother-in-law and her fiance are joining me in this. Once that date comes, we will make a new goal. I am hoping this will be easier to accomplish by setting small goals at a time.

JC starts Wild at Heart tomorrow evening and I start Captivating Thurs evening. We are so excited and it was like God put icing on the cake for us with this new church. JC is happy to be doing WAH again because it changed him so much. I am happy to start relationships. When I left the filming yesterday of the video, I was so happy and dancing around the house. I have hope for a new season in my life. I have been craving those women friendships and I know God is going to bring them to me. It wasn't until today that I started crying a lot, but I am still hopeful. :)

I received this message on facebook and it is exactly what God is doing in me.

Felt like I was to send you Psalm 30:11 "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.

As you see there are big changes in our house. Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you for taking the time to read and follow us all these years. And thank you to our new readers who are just joining. I love you all and never forget how much Jesus loves you. He is for you and not against you.

On their way to Ukraine!!

2011-12-13T01:05:00.003-07:00

This Christmas, why not help give a child a family? Our friends are going back to Ukraine to adopt again. They were with us when we adopted Grisha and praise the Lord He is telling them to go back again. :) They did not need help the first time around, but this time, they are relying on God with finances. Won't you please donate to their adoption to help another life be forever changed? No amount is too small and you can donate straight online. I guarantee Jesus would love this as His birthday present.

Please go read and follow their blog. Commit to praying for them daily and don't stop after the child/ren are home. Here is the blog address and please go donate something. Overwhelm them this Christmas with donations. Remind them that God WILL provide the funds. http://tygartfamilyadoption.blogspot.com

I want more boldness than ever before!

2011-12-12T23:34:00.003-07:00

Where do I even begin? Whew...much to say and not sure I will get it all in one post.

My book is coming along. I still need way more stories to finish it, though. If you have any kind of story that has to do with abortion, please email it to: speakup3189@yahoo.com Even if a medical staff told you to have one or family or friends told you to have one and you decided against it. You could know a friend or family member whose had one...even if it didn't affect the mother...maybe it affected you or the father...anything at all will help. :)

I almost gave up on the book. I have faced much persecution from pro-choicers. I have been called names, cursed at, and much more. I do not have the strength to write about it all right now, but if you read the book, it will defintely be in there. So, what the devil meant for bad...haha I am totally turning it around and it makes for more of an introduction in the book.

A lot has been going on. Some good...some not so good. Our pipes froze and we were without water for four days. Every night we leave the faucets dripping so that doesn't happen. But one night we were out late. We came home and went straight to bed. I completely forgot to let them drip and that is the night the pipes froze. We tried everything to get them thawed out. I was reading articles online and watching youtube videos. We tried all the tricks. A plumber was going to come out the next day. By that afternoon we had not heard from him. JC called him and he said that if we do not have copper pipes there was nothing he could do. So, he was not going to even try to come out. He said to put a space heater under the house so that is what we did. It still did not help. We heated the pipes for three days and nothing worked. I finally laid my hands on the faucets and even annointed them with oil telling them to let water come pouring out. I begged God. I used all the authority I knew He had given me. My friend also said she was in a meeting that morning and they all stopped to pray for a miracle to happen with our water. The day I annointed the faucets and the day they prayed for water for us, was the day the water finally started flowing out of the sinks! It was truly amazing. It was getting so hard. Clothes were piling up (I am still trying to catch up on laundry). We were brushing our teeth with bottled water. We could not take showers so you can imagine what we all looked like and smelled like. Praise the Lord we had new friends that invited us to their house to get showers. I finally opened up on the 3rd day to my new friends that we didn't have water. We were able to go to their house that night and get cleaned up. We felt so much better and our spirits were lifted. It was a huge boost and we were just so thankful for their hospitality. Dishes were piling up. We went out and bought gallons of water. We boiled the water on the stove so we could wash dishes. We used all the gallons we bought and still had many dishes piled up. I was really feeling for people that do not have running water. We had to go to the store to use the bathroom. I think that was the hardest part of not having water. It was just so cold and having to get out every time. It was not fun with five children going to Wal-Mart just to use the restroom.

I have missed telling you about some birthdays. June 4th - Samuel turned 13. August 26th - Jacob turned 2. November 16th - Natasha turned 14. October 31st - JC turned 31. December 9th - I turned 32. Gabriel will be 7 on January 16th and Grisha will be 16 on Feb 24th. So, that is all of us. :)

We are continuing to like it here. We miss our friends and family very much and think of them often. But, we are beginning to realize this is our new home. We finally found a church that we like. I am excited to meet new people and get involved in some groups there. I have also met some wonderful ladies and we had a playdate today. I cannot wait to get to know them more. They have helped us so much and God truly sent them to us. The kids and I volunteer at a ministry once a week. Well, Grisha has started working there twice a week. He would work more if I took him more days a week. We love being there. This ministry feeds hundreds of families sometimes in one day. When we arrive, there is literally a line out to the parking lot. People come to get food, clothes, and toiletries. The owners have become great friends to us and we also know God sent them to our family in many more ways than one.

JC is continuing to love his work here. He enjoys it so much more. It is hard to believe he is doing the same thing that he did in MS, but likes it way better here.

The last week or two have been the best with Natasha so far. It seems all of a sudden she is bonding with me more than she ever has. She even calls me "Mama" all the time and will tell me she loves me out of the blue. Just her and I went to Wal-Mart tonight and had so much fun walking around looking at everything. We looked at different earrings that she likes and she showed me some that she thought would look good on me. We laughed and just had a good time. These things are HUGE! The memories of her being so disgusted by me are slowly fading away. We actually talk about that now. We talk about how she treated me when we adopted her. She was told many things in Ukraine about Americans. She was told Americans that come adopt an older child only want them for their "good parts". If they have a baby it means something is wrong with the baby so they adopt an older "good" child so they can use their "good parts" for the baby...meaning we adopt older kids so we can cut them up and use their organs. She said even the staff at 2 different orphanages showed her articles of Americans killing their adopted kids to save their biological kids. Even though she wasn't sure she believed that after she came to America, it still is taking awhile for her to trust us. Her nightmares are going away. They were horrible for a long time. And I mean, demonic nightmares like you wouldn't believe. These nightmares started when I came to Ukraine she said. She did not have bad dreams until we came to adopt her. They continued until probably a few weeks ago. They would subside after we prayed over her room and annointed it, but would be back a couple weeks later. She also played praise music every night and I could tell the nights she didn't play the music was when the bad dreams would come back. Now, it seems they are gone for good. She is having dreams, but not bad ones. She is dreaming of family members now. :) She dreamed of Uncle Rick, Aunt Suzie, and Mimi the other night. This is really good. :)

It is 12:30AM and I must get to sleep. Even if you don't hear from me for awhile, please know we are doing well. My mom is coming to visit in five days and my mother-in-law will be here in one month. The children are so excited to see their grandmothers and this is an exciting time. There are also big changes happening in the family. JC's sister AND brother are having babies in 2012 so TWO new babies will be born into the family.

Our 2011 was a very hard year and I am hoping 2012 will be a great year!!

"And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness." Acts 4:31

Lord Jesus, fill us all with boldness this next coming year. May 2012 be the year we get bold and stop being complacent. May we say this verse: "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard." Acts 4:20

2 Special People and help from all of you

2011-11-07T14:54:00.007-07:00

I need your help, readers! As you know, I am writing books. Well, one of them is going to be a book of how abortion affects people. It will be a compilation of stories from people that have been impacted by abortion. It could also be a story of someone who was going to have an abortion, but decided not to. It will be a book full of grace and not condemnation. The stories can be anonymous or have a name. I am fine either way. The message is still getting across. This is my way of being able to help and my contribution. I will need the stories ASAP as I will be sending this book to a publisher in early Spring. I will be using our tax money to get the book published. It takes awhile to get it edited, sent back to the publisher a couple times, etc... so I would love to have the contents of the book as soon as possible. This way, it will be ready by the spring to send in.

These stories will be from the girl/woman herself who had the abortion, a friend, grandparents, other family members, doctors, people who work with them, etc... Anyone who has been impacted by one or has knowledge of what it does to people (aftermath emotionally, etc...) I am sure you get what I am looking for. Again, your name does not have to be in the book. Just state that you want to be known as anonymous in your story.

I appreciate all of your help. Thank you so much for being a part of a book that will help many people. You may submit your stories via email to: speakup3189@yahoo.com

This has nothing to do with the above topic, but I would like to share about two special people in our family.

My brother's first book was just published a couple months ago and I am so proud of him!! That is not the only reason I am proud of him. There are so many reasons!!! He has encouraged me so much when I have been at my lowest. He has had the desire to write a book since he was a child and I have had the same desire. It is amazing that God is fulfilling the desires He put in our hearts. Trey has worked so hard and please support him by ordering his book.

For all who know me. Whether it be from my past or present, I love u all. Its because of you that this book was possible. God being on the top of that list. For a copy go to authorhouse.com. Type in "A Message of Hope". Its 9.99 on the internet plus shipping. Thanks for your support. If u want something to encourage u and help u through this walk of life, this book is just for you. Trey Moore

I also have another special person to write about. This is our cousin, Ryan, who has his first CD out. It is absolutely beautiful. He has written all the songs on this album and his sister, our cousin Jamie, is singing back up with him on several songs. Please take the time while you still have your form of payment out from Trey's book, to order Ryan's CD as well.

One of the sweetest things in life is seeing a marriage restored!!

2011-10-26T09:51:00.011-06:00

This post makes me so happy to write. I have a friend whom I have prayed for for about five years now. JC and I have prayed for this couple for many reasons. I have prayed for Kathy alone. I have prayed for Scott alone. I have prayed for them as a couple. I have prayed for their family. I have prayed for their finances and so much more. This is a family that we love. Kathy has given so much of herself to everyone else. Kathy and Scott helped bring our children home from Ukraine when I knew they needed the money for their family. We have hurt for them in many ways in different seasons in their lives. I never knew how to be there for them so I just prayed. Kathy has given me permission to quote her on this blog. She is so excited she wants the world to know. I was going to give this update without using their names, but she said she doesn't mind if I use their identities.

Kathy and her three children moved away from MS before we did. Kathy was leaving her husband and moving to another state. She had tried for years to make it work and many times she felt she was failing. I know many times she probably felt like God didn't hear her or even care. She could no longer take it anymore so she packed up and moved her and her kids to TX where her mother lived. I so wanted to help her the day she moved and I couldn't get down to Brandon that day. I felt awful not seeing her off. I know that I am going to see her again, though. I have that feeling that our paths are not over yet.

I am not sure how many months later all this happened. Kathy will have to let us know the timeline. I can always have her write something if she'd like to share a blog post on here. But, for now I am going to post the amazing writings from her. One is a facebook message and others are comments or posts on facebook. This is coming from a completely different woman. There is no bitterness in her writing. There is no unforgiveness in her writing. There is no anger or hate. There is joy and unconditional love. There is an experience with Jesus like never before. There is an experience with His love like she has never felt before. There is a love for her husband like never before. Only God can change a marriage like this. And you can tell she LOVES spending time with God. I just love it!!

Kathy's messages, comments, and posts on facebook...

Just wanted to let you know God has healed my and Scott's heart, and our marriage! We are working to restore it and will soon be moving back in together! I always said it would take a double miracle to ever get back with Scott and God has really shown up in our lives like he has never done before!

The best part is I've never felt Gods presence so much in my life and it just keeps getting stronger!

There's no place that I'd rather be than here in your love at Monday Night Prayer!

If nothing in your life makes sense right now-trust God anyway -Joyce Meyer, copied from my sister-in-law, Lily !

There are tons of love notes and comments from Scott on her wall as well as date nights with him. You can tell he is very involved in her life and cares about every detail.

God does not respond to what WE do; we respond to what GOD does...Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting Him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade. Romans 3:27-28 The Message

Here are some signs on the wall. LET YOUR PAST MAKE YOU BETTER, NOT BITTER. Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

I can't seem to find the post about the restoration of her marriage, but hopefully Kathy and Scott can write up something to share with all of you. Maybe they can tell you what God has done in their lives individually and as a couple. But as you can see from her facebook, she is doing well and is happy.

If you think things will not get better, remember Scott and Kathy. If you think your marriage is over, remember Scott and Kathy. If you think God does not care, remember Scott and Kathy.

God cares about YOU and loves YOU!!!

We all need love!

2011-10-20T23:01:00.000-06:00

Finally finished making this video.

2011-10-20T21:57:00.001-06:00

I have been working on a video all day today. It is about loving God and loving people. I hope you like it. A few friends let me use some of their pictures and I used some of my own. Let me know what you think. It should be posted tonight.

Camp pictures

2011-10-19T11:56:00.002-06:00

There are lots more pictures than this because we had someone else taking pictures. When I receive them in the email, I will also make a slideshow or just add them to this one. I was sad to see that slide.com is closing down and you can't use their services anymore. That site was fun because you could make different slides that were fun. They directed me to picasa so I hope it will be easy to post on here. I will find out as soon as they are loaded.

Gabriel flying like Superman

2011-10-19T09:47:00.001-06:00

Here is our little Gabriel!

The place we are supposed to be

2011-10-19T08:58:00.003-06:00

We continue to see the Lord's favor and God is constantly showing me things. He shows me in the Bible and then He backs up what He keeps telling me with signs. It is so amazing. Almost everywhere I go He is showing me the same things over and over. He also is giving me dreams like crazy again. I have been thinking a lot about the book lately and I know I need to make time to start writing again. Many things of what God is showing me will be included in the book. So, just be patient and wait and see. I do not want everything to be on my blog because then it won't be anything new when you read the book. :)

We have not been asking for blessings, but God has just been pouring them on us. Our daughter is a patient at Children's Hospital and they sent us on a trip (for free) in the mountains. They had a driver pick us up at our house (for free) drive us an hour and a half to a hotel. We spent the night at the hotel (for free). The hospital left a cab voucher at the front desk for us to get in a cab the next morning to get to the train station. We rode on a train (for free) up into the mountains. Let me back up....our train was delayed so we had to get another taxi driver for later in the morning. Of all the drivers, our driver was from Russia and he was able to speak to the children in Russian. He has been in America over 20 years. He is a Christian now and guess what? His name was Grisha!!!! It was so amazing. We had great talks on our little drive to the station and I wished we had more time to talk. He was so amazed by our family and I was amazed by him. He was playing one of our favorite Christian songs that Marie sings back home in Mississippi. It was definitely a divine appointment.

I met wonderful people at this camp in the mountains. My new friend, Angela, and I really connected. She has adopted two children from Ethiopia. She kept saying, "I know God brought you here." There are not many people that I just connect with right off the bat. Usually it takes a bit of time to develop a close friend. With her, it is like I have known her for a long time. I am so excited to have met her and I know we will be forever friends.I also met some more wonderful ladies that I just love already, too. They also adopted from Ethiopia. I love them and their children. I can't wait to get to know all of them more. They do not live in my city, but only about an hour and a half from me.

At this camp we rode horses, climbed a rock wall, fished, played various games, teens kayaked, and so much more! We had wonderful, healthy meals, a staff and volunteers who just loved us and our children. I have never had so much help. They helped so much with the children. There were teen nights where the older kids played games with other kids their ages. There was an adult lounge where I could get some adult time. It was so amazing. I feel my words do not even describe how wonderful it was. I conquered a huge fear that I really did not even know I had. After I climbed the rock wall, I zip-lined. It took probably 10 minutes for me to actually do it. I was shaking so bad. I had to eventually close my eyes. I did open them at one point but then realized I was still so high and had a while to go so I closed them again. Even at lunch, I was still shaking...haha It does not look as high on the video, but it sure felt very high. I know now I will never be able to bunjie jump or jump out of a plane. This was enough to scare me half to death. I am glad I did it, though. It was definitely an experience and I am proud of myself for not backing down even though I almost did it. I did it shaking and shedding some tears, but I did it. :) The only thing that would have made this trip perfect was if my husband was there. He had to work and could not make it. I would have loved to share these experieinces with him. The children had a blast. Natasha and my favorite thing was riding the horses. I learned a lot and now know how to make them run, stop, go left or right, etc.. I found a passion of mine and wish I could somehow ride on a regular basis. My horse was Jackie...haha...She was stubborn, though unlike my friend back home named Jacquie. My horse was an eater and she kept wanting to eat and not stay in line with the others. She made me laugh a lot, though. I really liked her.

I picked a microwave off of craigslist. There are tons of microwaves on there for this big city. There was one that was only about five minutes from our house. The man was an older man and although I was in a hurry, I tried to patient. He was popping me popcorn in the microwave to show me that it worked. He also lost the money that I gave him. I was trying to help him find it because I knew that I already paid him. I do not know what made me look in the trash can, but I did. I saw green bills that were crumpled up and sure enough, there was the $25. I was glad that I was still there to help him because I do not think he would have found it in the traah can. He had thrown a paper towel away and he had the money in his hand. He accidently crumpled it with the paper towel and didn't know it. Anyway, he mentioned something about his girlfriend was inside having a meeting with Russian speaking ladies. I was baffled and told him I had two children that spoke Russian. He was so happy and wanted me to come inside (we had been the garage this whole time). Long story short, his girlfriend is from Russia and is a professor at the college. She also speaks at this camp they send adoptive kids to that are from Eastern Europe countries. They told me there are tons of children in this city that speak Russian...a very huge community of adopted kids. They gave me a card and going to get me connected here with other families. Isn't that amazing? A random microwave...a random family... a divine appointment for sure.

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

We have a voice - let's use it.

2011-10-17T17:52:00.002-06:00

This was written over a week ago while I was away in the mountains. I will tell you about that later.

I was reading a book to Jacob over the weekend and I couldn't help but think of unborn babies. Every time I read this children's book, it made me want to cry for children that may never get a chance to be born. This book was not even about that, but there were several things that the writer said that made me think. Here are some quotes from Horton Hears a Who! by Dr. Seuss

"...some poor little person who's shaking with fear that he'll blow in the pool! He has no way to steer! I'll just have to save him. Because, after all, a person's a person, no matter how small."

There's this elephant that hears a voice, but no one else can hear it. So, others are not being nice and basically telling him he's crazy. Here is one response from the elephant.

"Believe me," said Horton. "I tell you sincerely, my ears are quite keen and I heard him quite clearly. I know there is a person down there. And, what's more, quite likely there's two. Even three. Even four. Quite likely.... "a family, for all that we know! A family with children just starting to grow. So, please," Horton said, "as a favor to me. Try not to disturb them. Just please let them be."

The elephant was then called a fool. Here is another statement from him.

"I can't let my very small persons get drowned! I've got to protect them. I'm bigger than they."

Then the gossip spread through the jungle that the elephant talked to dust specks. There is so much more to the story but here is how it ends. The kangaroo that originally called him a fool says, "From sun in the summer. From rain when it's fall-ish, I'm going to protect them. No matter how small-ish."

In the story, the little people had to prove they were there by speaking and hollering in large amounts. There had to be a big number so they could be heard. In reality, these babies cannot do that. They cannot speak up for themselves and that is why we have to.Just because we cannot see something does not mean it is not there. These babies cannot speak up for themselves. They cannot protect themselves. Proverbs 31:8,9 is at the top of my page for orphans. I think we also need to use this verse for the unborn. I am going to write it again.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves. Ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless and see that they get justice."

If you are thinking of an abortion, please contact me. I would love to talk with you. You will not be judged by me. There is a testimony I'd like to share with you that may help you.

If you have a daughter that is pregnant and either you or her think it is the only option, please contact me. There are more options than this. I really want to help you. There are so many people that can help in this situation. You are not alone. Just reach out. Do not be afraid of what others will think. This decision will affect your whole life. Other people do not have to live with the decision so please do not let them make it for you.If you are the parent, do not think you have failed. You are not a failure and it is not your fault. Let that sink in for a moment. Selah....Dismiss those thoughts now. Do not worry of what your friends will think of you or other family members. A life is better than a repuation. Do not make your daughter do this. You do not know what you will have to put her through the rest of her life. You feel right now it is the best decision for her and the family. I do understand your feelings. But, please understand that you need to protect this baby no matter what. This is your grandchild whether you were ready to be a grandparent or not. There are more options and there are so many people that would give anything to be a grandparent. Their child cannot have bio kids and they would do anything to have what you have. You can make this happen for them. I know several wonderful people that would love a baby and can get you in touch with them.

Lastly, if this has already happened, please know there is grace. God loves you and will forgive you. No, that cannot change what happened but you can't go back now. Let Jesus comfort you and climb into His lap. You can now help others not have to go through what you went through. You can be the voice of the ones that follow you. You can speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.This verse may seem like it does not fit the topic, but this is what God gave to me for you.

"You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence." Acts 2:28

We have a winner!!!!

2011-10-05T12:03:00.000-06:00

We are finally in our house and still trying to get everything in order and unpacked. I apologize that I was not able to post yesterday of who one the drawing. We are having some internet issues at the moment. There were only two of you so it was a 50/50 shot. Natasha drew the name and here is the winner...Taiko Pelick from Arlington, TX!!! Congratulations to you! I hope you enjoy this piece of homemade artwork that Natasha takes much pride in. I know you will and I thank you so much for investing into the life of a child. To both of the contestants...thank you, thank you!! Every dollar is a step closer to bringing a child into a family. I know the Tygart family thanks you as well. Taiko - I will be mailing this off next Friday, October 15th. That is the day my husband gets paid. It took almost $5,000 to get into the house and there is literally nothing left until payday. If I so happen to get some money before then, I will mail it sooner. I apologize that I can't mail it today. Thank you for your patience and understanding in this matter.I want to thank you both again for entering into this contest and helping this family out.

2011-09-29T20:48:00.001-06:00

Thank you so much, my dear friend from Mississippi!!! We have another person that entered the drawing! Only five more days until we draw names. Thank you again. :)

Child-like faith

2011-09-28T16:07:00.001-06:00

Thank you so much!! We just received a payment for the swan drawing!! Thank you, sweet friend from Texas! So far, you are the only one in the drawing. Does anyone else want to enter in as well? Only six more days until we draw names. It is only two dollars to enter this drawing. If you live near the Tygart's you can give them the money in person and tell them it is for the swan drawing. Make sure you give them your contact information so they can give it to us. We will mail the swan to the winner. Natasha wants to draw the name. We are moving this Monday...nothing fancy, but it is a four bedroom which we really needed. It is small, but we are very happy. We desperately needed something. It is just a couple miles from JC's work so we are pleased with the location. This will save a ton on gas. The children are still doing school at home, but we have enrolled them in a k12 school. It is a virtual academy and many states have them. Mississippi is not one of them, though. I am so excited about this. The kids have their own teachers. The school sent boxes and boxes of books and school supplies for the year. The curriculum is free. I am so amazed at all of this. They also sent the children computers (brand spanking new) and three printers (also a scanner & copier). Those were also brand new still in package. All of this was free. Just totally blown away. I am happy we have this opportunity. It is through the public school system. They have deadlines to meet and lots of responsibilty with this school. Definitely not as lenient as I am with homeschool, but I needed this. We all needed this. I needed them to get caught up and I needed the extra help. They need to be challenged and I wasn't challenging them enough. Now I know they will be exactly where they need to be. They are also going to pay for our internet. Isn't that just awesome? There is so much more happening and maybe one day I can explain it all, but God is doing amazing things here for our family. Jacob turned 2 the end of August and he has pee-peed in the big potty twice now. I haven't been pushing potty training at all, but I do sit him up there before he gets in the bathtub sometimes. He is not on a little potty and after we move, I will get that out and we will potty train more. Especially since he is interested in going potty. I think I will pick it up on a notch once we get into the house and start getting settled in. He may not want the little potty, though after only going on the big one. Gabriel never used the little one. He was so scared of it. I am not sure why, but he was. It took one week of being home everyday and Gabriel was fully potty trained. This may sound weird, but in the daytime, he had to be fully naked. As soon as he felt he had to go, he would run down the hallway to the bathroom and go. We do not use pull ups. We only go straight to underwear. That seems to get our children potty trained faster. Now that we have Natasha, we may not be able to do the "naked thing" with Jacob. She will not even look if we are changing Jacob's diaper. I am not sure how she will be when she has a baby if it is a boy. I told her she will have to change her own baby's diaper. At this point, she does not think she could. But, I know she would. When you become a mother, you do things you never thought you would do. :) Anyway, I can't wait for Jacob to get potty trained. That will also save a LOT of money. :) I will end this post with saying that Gabriel got saved the other night!! He and I were in the bedroom and he was laying on his little bed and I was reading in my bed. He was supposed to be going to sleep, but he started asking me questions. I put the book down and walked over to the side of his bed. I knelt down beside him. He was very emotional and started crying. He was asking questions about Heaven, Earth, and just tons of questions. He said he wanted to pray and ask Jesus into his heart. I told him he could pray that whenever he was ready. He said he was ready to pray right then. I did not have him repeat a prayer after me because I wanted him to talk to God. I did not want it to be my words at all. It was the most precious thing. I thank God for drawing Gabriel to Himself. Gabriel loves God so much and wants to follow Him. He woke up the next morning and wanted to pray over Jacob. When he prayed, he seemed more mature and even more sincere with the words he was speaking. I know he is only six, but with a child, they believe so much more than we do. When you become an adult, it is harder to believe. There is so much in the way and it gets harder to trust God. If we could just believe like a child...wow...we could totally move mountains and heal the sick. Jesus could do so much through us if we could only believe like a child does. I want that child-like faith. I want that unconditional love a child has. I want a faith that has no limits. But what does it say? "The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart" (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame." For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For "whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." Romans 10:8-13 Jesus said...."Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it." Mark 10:14-15

Please assist in bringing another child into a family!

2011-09-20T22:28:00.000-06:00

One of our dearest friends in MS are adopting again. They adopted around the same time we adopted Grisha and were in Ukraine with us in 2009. They did not need help the first time around with finances, but this time, they are starting from scratch. They are not people that like to ask for help. I so wish I was in MS to help them in person, but since I am not, I am trying to think of ways to help them from afar. I will do all I can to help them bring their child/ren home. Here is one of the ways I thought of to help... Natasha would like to use the latest swan she made for a raffle. For $2.00 you can enter your name in a drawing to win this beautiful piece of origami. She sells them for $20 so $2.00 is a good deal. You can certainly put your name in more than once and buy as many raffles as you'd like. Natasha spends a lot of time working on her masterpieces. She is very thorough and her pieces are made very well. There is also a good amount of money invested in each swan. That is why she charges $20 because of the money and time put into it. One swan is like 26 sheets of size 8x10 paper. The drawing will be in 2 weeks on October 4th. We will draw a name and whoever wins, your swan will be mailed to you. Just make sure you give me a phone number so I can contact you. My email address is: proverbs3189@yahoo.com. Please email me to let me know you have paid, give your name, and phone number. On October 4th, ALL money given for the drawing will be sent to this family. They are in the process of setting up a blog and once everything is set up, I will post their information so you can follow their adoption to Ukraine. Click on button below to enter into drawing for only $2.00! Thank you for your support in helping another child have a forever family.

2011-09-14T23:33:00.004-06:00

Nevermind - I think I already get commission on everything. I just checked my balance and I have $8.60. :-) So, if you order, it will help us right now....too cool. Thanks so much. I think this is so great for Christmas gifts. I appreciate anyone that orders. Love you!

some savings

2011-09-13T21:14:00.003-06:00

I just found something at the bottom of one of the tabs. I think it was the "buy" tab. There is a section called "close-out items" and there are tons of products that are cheaper than the others. Anyway, that is really cool. I would check that out as well if you are thinking of ordering. That will save some money. :) ashleyfumia.scentsy.us Thank you so much for your help.

You will love these products for your home

2011-09-13T19:59:00.007-06:00

I signed up to be a scentsy consultant maybe a month before we moved away. I love the products and I felt it was a way to help our family bring in extra income. I didn't know at that time we would be moving so in hindsight that wasn't the best time to sign up. Since we still are not settled and not sure where we are going to live, I have not done anything with it. I still want to do it, though because I do love everything about it. I like that your house smells so good and you do not have candles lit that could be dangerous. The children have one they plug in the wall in their room and they love it. Natasha has a pretty white one that looks like a rose and you could walk in her room and smell the most pleasant smell. I do not like overpowering smells. Hers is not really strong and it just smells good. The name of her fragrance is called "forever pink". The older boys have a man-ly smell in their room. Since they are teenage boys, their room usually has a pretty bad smell. I am not sure what you would call it - maybe like a dirty, stinky sock smell. They cannot have any dirty clothes in there and have had two showers that day and their room still stinks. But, when they turn their scentsy burner on, I can enjoy walking in their room. Since they like the man cologne smell, they have a fragrance called "echo". They also had another one that was nice, but I can't remember the name. Maybe "My Dear Watson" or "Route 66?" Cannot remember, but I know Echo smells good. We also have "Luna" in the bathroom and I think that is my favorite smell.

Anyway, maybe that explains a little of what it is. You break off a piece of wax and put it in a burner. They have different sizes. Small, plug-in ones that are good for a bathroom, mid-size, and full-size burners. It has a light in the bottom that warms and melts the wax. The burners are beautiful and there are lots of different colors and themes.

I have been informed that I need to sale $150 worth of product this month (September) in order to stay with the company. Even though I am not doing anything with it at the moment, I want to start getting active after we get into a house. Maybe I can have some parties after I meet some friends. Everything is in storage right now so it is kind of hard. But, I have a website where people can order online. I know you can't smell the fragrances online which is hard. But, some of you may be familiar with scentsy and know what you like. Or there is a catalog you can view online and it describes each smell on the fragrance pages. You can also view all of the products that Scentsy has.

If you would like to order or check everything out, please visit: ashleyfumia.scentsy.us The cool thing is if you order off the website, it will come to your address which is different than a party. I would appreciate any orders this month as I am trying to stay with Scentsy. I probably won't get any commission yet as I think I have to sale like $1000 first before that happens. But, every dollar is getting to that goal. Then, I will start getting commission and making extra money for our family.

Thank you and I appreciate your business. :)

P.S. If you click the tab "buy" you can search through the different products. If you click "browse" you can view a current catalog. After you have tried a fragrance (scentsy bar) and you really love that smell, they have scentsy "bricks" that last a long time. I do not recommend the bricks until you know you love a certain smell, though. The scentsy bars are $5 and it will be better to order those until you know what you like. There are so many fragrances for any type of smell you can think of. Food smells, fruity smells, flowery smells, cologne smells, different seasons, etc... The scentsy warmers are also wonderful Christmas gifts so you can go ahead and knock out many people by shopping in this one place. They really are great gifts. Thanks a bunch. :)

Here in your presence we are undone

2011-09-06T09:47:00.002-06:00

I had a great weekend. My friend (who I knew in MS, but moved about three hours from here earlier this year) went to WV for her high school reunion. I watched her son and four of my boys this weekend. Natasha stayed home with her daddy and we had family coming into town. So, she had a lot of fun meeting more of the family and eating lots of food over the holiday weekend. My weekend consisted of five boys and you know how that goes. :) It was fun, though. We played Golf (the card game) and Monopoly. We had a lot of laughs. The boys hung out at the skatepark and did a lot of swimming as well. We went to a church Saturday night and loved it. Too bad it is not in our area. Usually there are young people that dance up front, but I saw even elderly people at the front dancing and twirling for Jesus. One man had one arm and he just praised God and worshiped Him. He danced and raised his arm and you could see the love of Jesus all over Him. It was an amazing night and the presence of God was just so sweet. There were times of just complete silence and we just stood in awe of Him. His presence was so strong.

Gotta run and take care of some things in town. Have a great day, everyone.

More like falling in love!!!

2011-09-01T13:26:00.002-06:00

We did not get the house we looked at this week. That night, the homeowners rented it out to their friends. I received a call yesterday from a man who said he heard we were looking for a house. So, today we are looking at a five bedroom house and I am hoping this is the last house we look at. :) That is the update on the house situation.

I have another prayer request for our prayer warriors out there. This has been one I have been praying for awhile now. I know it has gone on all my life and actually gone on all the way to the beginning of time. It is...

Christians against Christians

We should all love one another. We are not against each other. I think every Christian feels this way and we need to make sure we are always loving. I am guilty of that. I have not always been and I have made many mistakes. But take it from someone who has been there. We need to respond in love in every situation. We also should never treat a fellow Christian as if they are not one by the way they worship. Let God examine their heart. The Holy Spirit reveals Himself in different ways and it is not up to us to say it is wrong. We are not God and we should not try to act like we are. Be careful not to blaspheme the Holy Spirit. God showed me this again today and He keeps showing me many things over and over. So, I decided to go ahead and post this. Maybe someone is going through this and these verses could help you.

"Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but to him who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven." Luke 12:10

"Every kingdom divided against itself is brought for desolation, and a house divided against a house falls." Luke 11:17

"Therefore they stayed there a long time, speaking boldly in the Lord, who was bearing witness to the word of His grace, granting signs and wonders to be done by their hands. But the multitude of the city was divided: part sided with the Jews, and part with the apostles." Acts 14:3-4

I received this in my email this morning. "My word will bear witness to your spirit, says the Lord. Gullibility comes through trusting people too much. Trust only Me."
Romans 9:1 I tell the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Spirit.

Your #1 priority should be to seek God - not to find fault in other people and put them down. If you allow the Holy Spirit to guide you and you get a prophetic word, you will know if it is from God because His Spirit will bear witness with your spirit. A lot of this will be in my book, but I just want to cover some of this now.

I will leave you with a great word from Jesus Calling. I don't read it everyday, but lately I have been. This is today's, September 1st. It is just a reminder that God is with you and wants to be with you.

Seek Me with your whole being. I desire to be found by you, and I orchestrate the events of your life with that purpose in mind. When things go well and you are blessed, you can feel Me smiling on you. When you encounter rough patches along your life-journey, trust that My Light is still shining upon you. My reasons for allowing these adversities may be shrouded in mystery, but My continual Presence with you is an absolute promise. Seek Me in good times; Seek Me in hard times. You will find Me watching over you all the time.

And here are the verses that was with this day's devotion.

Deuteronomy 4:29 But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. (THANK YOU, JESUS! YES, YOU ARE!!)

Psalm 145:20 The Lord preserves all who love Him.

I will say this. Once you get a glimpse (only a glimpse) of how much Jesus loves you THEN you are able to love Him with all your heart, soul, and mind. His love will change you and you will want to always just bask in His love. You should never apologize or feel embarassed about always wanting to be with Him or always wanting to worship Him. When you have been touched by Him, He is all you want and desire. And I think that bothers people to see someone so consumed. Even other Christians can't understand that and we just need to pray that they experience God's love and that they stop tearing other Christians down. Love does no harm to a neighbor... by this all will know that you are My disciples if you have love for one another...love others as I have loved you...you will know they are Mine by their fruit....

Learning to be content

2011-08-31T09:31:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I saw three more rainbows. If you count the huge double rainbow as two, then it is four. Just like the double rainbow I saw the other day, there was an even bigger one outside yesterday. God knows how much I love rainbows and I am so happy He sent me somewhere that I can see a bunch of them right now. It is really quite awesome to look in the sky and see something so beautiful.

I did not mean to scare so many people yesterday. I was more concerned than JC was and I probably should not have even posted about it. Looking back now, I wish I hadn't. I talked to JC again yesterday and he was not scared at all. He said he loves his job here so much better than in Mississippi. Even though that seemed to be a freak thing that happened yesterday, he says he feels completely safe and is not worried at all. I am hoping that this was a random thing and nothing more will come of it. It was just a shock because of all that we have been through. I could not believe it. But, everything is fine and JC is doing extremely well. All of us still love it here and the children still never want to leave.

We looked at another house yesterday and we liked it better than any of the houses we've looked at so far. I cannot remember if I told you that we didn't get the other house. We couldn't come up with the money by closing time. We asked God to provide if this was the house and it just didn't happen. It was really disappointing, but we know God knows best. He sees things we can't see and it is hard not to let your heart get involved when you want something so much. But, we looked at another house yesterday and once again, so many people want it. It is military town and trying to rent something is very hard. There are so many people in and out and needing things to rent. They also give priority to the military families and it seems each house literally has hundreds of people interested. We need a God intervention to get a house to rent.

Things are getting rough financially because JC still hasn't gotten a paycheck, but we are pulling through. We have a beautiful place to stay with family and food to eat so we are blessed and I shouldn't complain about not having a house of our own. I do want that. I so want JC to be closer to work since he has to leave at 3am to be there by 4am. When we are closer, he will not have to leave so much earlier to get there. I can also get our stuff out of storage and all the school books so we can get started. Even though I want all of these things, I am grateful for what God is giving us at this present time. We could be paying for a hotel and I am very grateful that we haven't had to do that.

This is definitely a learning process that I think everyone has to deal with. And it is not something to deal with only once. It is a lifetime of learning to be content. I love what Paul says and he is a great example. I want to be more like this.

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am in, to be content: I know how to be abased (which is "live humbly"), and I know how to abound (which is "live in properity"). Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippias 4:11-13

God's reminder of His promise

2011-08-30T08:34:00.006-06:00

God continues to give us reminders that everything is going to be okay. I posted yesterday that we were still seeing rainbows and last night, we saw this. If you look closely, you will see that it is a double rainbow. The colors were way brighter in person. The camera just does not capture how bright the colors were.

As I was posting these pictures and videos, I received a call from JC. There were some things just stolen from him including the keys to the Coke truck. I am still in shock. It seems that Satan is following us wherever we go. But, even though that seems to be the case on the outside, I say again that we will not be defeated and we will overcome. I am so glad God gave me the rainbows and introduced me to the song Overcome. These things are helping me through right now.

We will overcome!

2011-08-29T17:32:00.002-06:00

How the song, "Overcome" came about.

Here is the video of the night just three days after the shooting. After so much devastation, they just worshiped God and knew they were going to overcome.

Overcome

2011-08-29T17:21:00.003-06:00

Well, so much has happened. We did not get that house. I have seen four more rainbows and God keeps telling me everything is going to be okay. But, it is a rough day today. We lost a lot of money by giving them some of the down payment and JC still has not gotten a paycheck. I am still hoping they will refund what we gave them, but as of now, it is not looking like it. I know God has something that I can't even see right now. I am trying to hold on to His promises. He is not going to leave us. Even though everything looks rocky now, I know God has great things in store. Although I am emotional, I will not be defeated. We WILL overcome.

Natasha's Origami

2011-08-19T09:17:00.005-06:00

2011-08-18T14:36:00.002-06:00

And this house is even closer to Coca-Cola. It is about 2-3 miles to JC's work. God knew our desire to not have to travel anymore. In MS, JC drove 61 miles to work and we drove 45 miles to church. We did not want to have to do that anymore. Our gas prices were 500-700/month. God is really taking care of us and not wanting us to have to go through that again. Also, the church we are going to try out is about 15 minutes away. JC says we can travel 15 minutes to church since he does not have to travel to work...haha We are excited and hope to finally move in as soon as God performs His miracles. It will be nice to finally have a place of our own and not live out of bags anymore. We can finally get our stuff out of storage and also begin homeschooling. I would not have packed all those books if I knew it would take this long. But, I am not complaining. I see the glory of God and it is only a glimpse. I do not want to be sad anymore. He truly is enough for me.

God's promises and yes, He speaks through numbers, too

2011-08-18T13:01:00.008-06:00

I am not sure if some of you know why I get so excited about 1111 so I thought I'd share my experience with these series of ones.

God started showing me 1111 back in September or October of 2010. The numbers were everywhere. It didn't matter where I went, I was constantly seeing four ones. It could be on the clock, a sign, a car, a text or email was sent at 11:11. It seemed everything said 1111. At this point, we were going through Natasha's adoption and God was trying to show me something. I had already looked through the Bible for verses that had four ones and although some stood out, at the time, it didn't seem like it was a verse. One night I was really low about the adoption. I had received an email from the facilitator stating we had an SDA appointment to come adopt Natasha, but the SDA was going to close so we really didn't have an appointment. We weren't sure whether to book flights because once the SDA closed it could take six months for them to open up again under their new authority. Or they could honor the appointments that people had already been given. We just didn't know at this point. It was really hard and we still didn't have all the money to go anyway. I needed to hear from God and I needed His direction. A friend posted on facebook Hebrews 11:11 and I quickly looked it up. That was it!!! I started running around the house and I knew in that instant what God had been trying to show me for months. But, hadn't I already looked up all the verses that had four ones? I was confused as to how I hadn't seen it when I looked. See, God needed me to see this verse in the exact moment in time. It was revealed at the best time. Sarah judged Him faithful who had promised. God made a promise, but Sarah was the one who had to get it in her heart that He truly is faithful when He makes a promise. Everytime I see 1111, it is a reminder that He is faithful. I know some of you have followed this journey for a long time or followed us on facebook. So, this isn't new. But, I just want to say that God brought Natasha home at 11:11pm on the airplane. I think we came in a few minutes early, but it doesn't matter because the itinerary says 11:11. It was amazing because I was having a hard time without my husband and God kept showing me over and over who He was no matter where I was. And He topped it off by having us return home at 11:11. It was like He was completing His promise and fulfilling everything He had spoken. I thought that was going to be the end of 1111 because when Natasha came home, it was complete. It had been fulfilled what He had spoken. But....

God has continued the 1111 and it actually has been fun. He plays games with me with these numbers. He makes things happen on these dates and at this time whether it be pm or am. A lot of things are between God and me because it is personal. We have a relationship and many things He says are only for me. But, there are many things I share with people. If you don't think God has a sense of humor, think again. He loves to laugh and He loves to have fun. How does not want to be boring and I like how He spices up the relationship. On August 11, I knew something was going to happen. I was actually expecting it. I was expecting God to do great things and He doesn't disappoint that's for sure. I know the month and day were not 1111, but the day and year were. August 11, 2011. It is the last four digits and if you want to throw in the number 8, that is fine too because that number means new beginnings. I think a lot of people think I am crazy but it is okay because I would rather be close to God and be an odd ball in society than have no relationship with Him or just a stale one.

On 8/11/11, JC was hired on with Coca-Cola here where we are currently. This is the company we wanted to stay with so we could keep our benefits and many other reasons. He also will not lose his rank with the company. Since he has been with them for four years, he will not have to start over with his time. It will start here at four years and go from there. God made this happen on our date. :) He reminds me over and over that He is faithful who promises. He is so awesome!!!!! I know I always say that, but He just is and my words cannot even describe how awesome He is.

Earlier in the week, we had been discouraged about housing because we still do not have a house. Our mortgage is still open in MS and we are late on it. That has been a big problem with trying to find something to rent. That is the only thing I can think of of why we haven't been chosen amongst the other applicants. We had found a house that we loved and it was perfect for our family. It was a cute two story house in a beautiful neighborhood. It had a big, fenced in yard and a back deck. Oh, I wanted that house so much. It was pricier than we wanted, but it was less than ten minutes to JC's work. With the money we would be saving in gas, we could put it towards the monthly payment. It was rent to own so we would have the option to buy it in a couple years. It seemed everything was working out for us to get this house and then I received an email from the real estate agent. She was only taking JC's base pay and not his commission into consideration. She called them bonuses and said they are not guaranteed. So, going off his "base pay", we didn't make enough for the house. His base pay is nothing. It is not even enough to raise a family. He is a delivery driver and gets paid per case so unless people stop drinking, then it will not be guaranteed. But as long as people drink, his commission is guaranteed because this is his job. Anyway, nothing I said could convince her. We provided proof of income and she also talked with Coca-Cola but she still took out commission when she put in the numbers. It was so disappointing. I still haven't found a house that I have liked as much as that one.

Back to the state I was in earlier in the week... JC was outside and ran inside to tell me to come out and look at something. I walked out back and this is what I saw.

Jesus is so beautiful.

The next day we had gotten some discouraging news about another house. I had been crying so much and was emotional about not having a home yet for our family. Our uncle from MD flew into town for business and he was only about 2 hours north of us. So, we starting driving to go see him. I was not happy from the recent news we had received by phone and I looked out the window and saw this.

Then, I really started crying. But, it was a happy cry. I was so overwhelmed by Jesus. When I am low, He does this. He makes me so happy and keeps showing me that everything is going to be okay. He is faithful. From then on, I was not upset anymore. I was content and going to have a good time with my family and uncle. Later in the trip, we saw ANOTHER one! But, it went away almost as fast as I saw it. I got out the camera and got a very quick picture as it was going away. I tried to get more pictures, but it was gone. Here is the ones I could get.

What a great God we have!!!

I had a wonerful night and felt so good. I knew God was going to take care of everything. I went to bed happy and content. The next morning I woke up and JC said he received a phone call. The house we could not get the day before, God had performed a miracle. Because of our open mortgage in MS, they were saying we had to come up with thirty percent down and not ten percent. Well, the Vice President said he wanted us to get into the house so he said we could only come up with ten percent. That is crazy because the day before there was no way. God showed us the rainbows and we rested. We did not fret anymore and let Him fight for us. We went to sleep and He went to work.

We did not want to tell anyone our need. We only wanted to pray and have God work it out. We had to spend so much money to move and it has run out. We have some friends who did not know our need, but God told them to send money. We received $200 in the mail and it was totally God. We are praying for Him to multiply this so we can move into the house. We only have two weeks to come up with the ten percent or they will put the house back on the market, but God gave us the rainbows and He is saying He is faithful who promises.

What are you believing God for today? Just rest and let Him fight for you.

"By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised." Hebrews 11:11

Please pray!!!

2011-08-17T14:03:00.002-06:00

I received this prayer request and my heart goes out to this lady. She has been a supportive friend through both of our adoptions. She has followed and prayed and given so much of herself. I have never met her in person, but I love her heart. She shares so much of my desire to help orphans and she just loves Jesus. I am praying for full restoration of her marriage. She has given me permission to copy her email, but as respect to her and her husband, I will not put their names.

Please pray for them and I would also like for you to pray for the other woman involved. Pray for restoration and also for forgiveness. We ask for God to intervene in this situation.

Hi Ashley! I have an urgent prayer request. Please ask your whole church to pray for me and my husband. He has left me for another woman. He was her deacon. Apparently they started a friendship in Feb. I tried to get him to let me and other women minister to her. I confronted him with phone records in April. He finally admited to me on June 12 that he was in love with her and was leaving me to be with her. She and I went to Haiti in June. I am really hurt and confused. I know this is short but it's hard for me to talk about. Please just flood the throne room with prayers...

Pictures from Volcano and trip here

2011-08-15T21:52:00.002-06:00

God's beauty just amazes me. He is so beautiful. He kept showing me many things on this trip. I told you of pioneer already and before we headed out, I had seen eagle wings from a picture on Kathy's wall on facebook. Well, from a distance I saw eagle wings made out of the rock in the volcano. I did not know but as I was uploading these pictures to the slideshow, I noticed eagle wings out of the clouds. That is too cool.

First day at church, I saw a scripture reference on Uncle Rick's Bible case. I decided to look it up and this is what it said,

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Our trip here

2011-08-11T07:56:00.005-06:00

We had an eventful drive here from Mississippi. It took us three days. We weren't really in a hurry, but that is not why it took that long. The first two days were rough, but the third day was the best.

The three older children have cats. This is a new thing for us as we have always been dog people. Our family had a couple cats growing up at different times, but for the most part, always had dogs. Natasha's favorite animal is a cat. So, I really wanted to get her one soon after she came home. My friend's cat had given birth to a few kittens and when they were ready to leave their Mama, we went to look at them. Before we got there, Samuel and Grisha were wanting to pick one out for each of them. I was hesitant at first because three cats? I couldn't imagine all those cats jumping on counters and tables. Each child promised they would take care of them because I told them I would not change kitty litter and they had to make sure it was cleaned all the time. We all know how things go when children promise to take care of an animal. The Mama usually ends up being the one to take care of it. But, I must say that I haven't changed any cat litter and still don't plan on it. That doesn't mean that we aren't riding them all the time to change it. Natasha does better than the boys do. I think once we can afford it, we will get an automated one that changes itself. That may be the only way to keep it clean at all times because between three cats, they do not stop going to the bathroom. It actually has been fun in other ways having them. They play together and we laugh as we watch them rolling around on the floor. They do funny things at times that just crack us up. They are also cuddly and that is nice. Samuel's and Grisha's cats are way cuddlier than Natasha's and theirs are much better behaved. Natasha's cat is wild and crazy getting into everything. He is the nosey one and if we hear something, we always know which one it was.

Why am I talking about cats? Well, they are what made the first traveling day one of the worst traeling moments of all time. JC said this was his nightmare...haha It is funny now, but I never wanted to get rid of animals more than I did in that moment. I had done a lot of research on how to travel with cats before we got on the road with them. Most people said they put the cats in a crate and even if going across country, they didn't use the bathroom until they were stopped for the night at a hotel and their litter box was set up. Several people said that. The worst thing they had to experience was whining in the crate. So, we put all three cats in a crate thinking they would like to be together. They kept whining so I just kept turning the music louder. It was a pain listening to it, but much better than what came next. The kids said they smelled something and a little bit later, I smelled it, too.

I will not go into all the details, but it was so horrible and I could barely drive I was gagging so much. JC and Grisha were in the uhaul so they had it good. The cats were so soaked like they had jumped in a pool of water. It was that bad. I couldn't even explain on the phone to JC because I was literally about to get sick while driving. This was not fun. We were on the road and how were we going to clean these cats? We found a gas station where 18 wheelers go and they had a water faucet outside. I took Jacob inside while the children cleaned their cats. I was so sick and could not be around them at all. I was also really mad and didn't want these cats anymore. I said many things and JC was also about to give them away. I know it was not their fault. Looking back now JC and I totally overacted, but in the heat of the moment, we were not happy and we were so mad at those cats.

The children did a great job and stepped up to clean their cats. We had fresh, clean towels, a big thing of soap and they went to town and cleaned the crate, too. The kittens looked so clean and fluffy and JC folded the crate up and put it away. We decided not to use it anymore the rest of the trip. With a lot of talking with the children, we decided to put a litter box in the van and the kids would have to scoop it out and put it in a bag. I did not want that in the first place, but we felt we had no choice. But of course, once we set up the litter box, they never used it. When we did not have it, they went and when we had it, they didn't. Very odd. But, we did not have problems with them anymore. They cuddled with the children in their laps and did well from that point on. Lesson learned.

That took a couple hours at that stop at least.

We still stopped way too much that first day and only made it about 480 miles. Our friends wanted us to stay with them and we had a nice visit. They cooked supper and it was nice being able to relax. One of their daughters was adopted from Natasha's internat so they were so happy to be together. It was a great blessing for all of us.

I still was not able to sleep that night because of some personal issues and received a message that kept me up all night. I was really hurt and did not get the sleep I needed to drive the next day. So, that morning I was really sick and couldn't keep much down. I was mad at myself because I should not have checked my messages on facebook before going to bed. If I hadn't, I would have slept great and wouldn't have been sick. Lesson learned again.

We did not get started driving until 10 or 11 (can't remember now) on Sunday morning. We did not get too far that day. We kept having to stop and I kept feeling so sick. It didn't help that we were in the hottest part of the nation. It was hard to breathe even when you just first stepped outside. I thought Mississippi was hot. I definitely found a place hotter than MS. We only made it about 200 more miles that day. We stopped early evening and I went to bed. I awoke a few times later in the evening and night, but slept better than I had in about 3 days. I was a little queezy when we headed out about 9am, but felt so much better as the day went on.

I was determined to get there and we were not stopping. This was the best day. We drove and drove and drove. We wanted to take the children to a volcano so once we got there, we took our time. It was a lot of fun. They have pathways to walk and you can walk down in it or around it at the top. There was a little tan bear and the park ranger went to the top to warn the people. We wanted to see it, but never did. I have some pictures of the volcano and will see if I can get those uploaded on here today.

We got on the road again and we actually were not going to tell our family we were here yet. We were exhausted and wanted to get to where we were headed and call them the next morning. We wanted to surprise them that we were there. We were trying to get to the city where we thought JC would be working. But, God had other ideas. I love it when the Holy Spirit intercedes. Our cousin called right as I was going through her town. That is not a coincidence. I had not talked to her at all the whole trip. I didn't tell her when we left or anything. So, for us to be traveling across the country and she calls right as we are looking at the exits of the town. That is too cool. JC had also been calling hotels from the truck in front of me and all of them were booked in the city we were headed to. We didn't know what to do. But, God showed up. We have been with family ever since. They have taken care of us and have blessed us so much. It has been great for the children to get to know this side of the family.

Hope all of you are having a wonderful day and I will do my best to start writing soon of what is going on now to catch you all up. Today is 1111 and great things are happening. :)

Keep Pressing Onward Beyond Your Fears

2011-08-05T16:02:00.002-06:00

I have not worked on a blog post yet, but wanted to update all of you on what is going on with us. I want to post about our travels up here, but that is going to take some time to sit down and write.

My time has been so consumed on looking for work and a place to live. JC has been helping so much with the children while I have applied to hundreds of jobs for him. Coca-Cola is working on getting him transferred here, but the problem with that is we will not know for another week or two if that will go through. That is our first choice so we can keep the same benefits, but right now, we are not picky and will do whatever. Gabriel is begging for his daddy to work at Sonic and if it comes down to it, we certainly will do it. :) I have three interviews lined up for JC next week and I am praying he gets something very soon.

We looked at a beautiful, old Victorian house today. It was built between 1900-1910. It is in town and close to many businesses, but it is something we can afford in our budget. I am not sure if we will be appproved for it or not because we could not prove employment. It is really hard to find a house when you don't have a job. People do not want to take that risk and I don't blame them. Everyone in our family loved this house and is begging for it. The lady has many people interested and she said she hopes to know by this weekend after she gets the credit checks back. We told her we just arrived and didn't have a job yet so she may have thrown our application in the garbage. I know the children will be really sad if we can't get this house. We all fell in love with it and it is big enough for our whole family.

My friend posted this song on my blog and as I traveled here, I saw many signs that said PIONEER in big letters. I could not help but think of this song. Rick Pino sang it at The Ramp on New Year's and it brings back memories. Thank you, Kathy.

2011-07-29T07:59:00.003-06:00

Cannot remember if I posted this or not, but besides getting thousands of dollars from the safe, they stole JC's Coca-Cola work cell phone. The bad guys have now called my cell phone seven times from that phone. They waited a week and a half and now they are trying to contact us. Then, JC tells us that the guy said he would kill him if he went to police. Well, now his face is all over the news and he is mad. Police and FBI are trying to trace where calls are coming from. All that to say, if we change our number I will let anyone that wants to know the new number in private. Thanks.

We have tried not to go to other people's houses because we didn't want to lead them to anyone we know. JC did have to go pick Natasha up at one point at our friend's, but we have tried our hardest to protect everyone involved and not lead them to friends and family. Please understand that it is not personal. We love all of you and have had to detach ourselves for awhile.

I'm not strong enough

2011-07-28T22:04:00.004-06:00

We have had so much going on and unfortunately, it has not been good. Even though I chose to see disaster no more and I did believe it was going to go away, pain has continued to follow our family for some reason. Even though we are going through one of the hardest seasons of our lives, God has continued to remain faithful to us and show us how much he loves us. He started months ago preparing me for what was to come and I didn’t really understand what He was trying to show me until now. I understand why He gave me the dreams He did and now they are making complete sense. He tried to warn me, but I just didn’t understand the magnitude of what was coming.

This is not the only thing that is happening with us, but this is what I am going to talk about. I told you earlier many things were happening including our dog dying on Samuel’s birthday. Well, it has continued and gotten worse. I have prayed and declared no more against our family, but the enemy has been relentless. I do not even want to give him the credit, but that is the reality of the present moment.

JC has been robbed a total of five times in the last month and a half on his coke truck. The last two times were at gun point. The first time the guy had the gun he made JC take his shirt off and he put him in the back of the truck (the trailer part where the drinks go). He told him many times he would shoot and kill him if he tried to run. He stated earlier that he had been watching JC all day and he said things that only a person watching him would have known. The thief drove the truck with JC in the hot trailer bouncing around. Long story short, he was able to get out and call the police. God totally protected him and we thank Him continuously for it.

Two weeks later, the same guy came back again with a gun. This time he made JC drive. He had to drive to three different locations. Once he stopped where he was told, he was put in the back of the trailer while the guy and his buddies tried to get into the safe. His buddies were in a car following the truck. JC was not able to identify any of the other people because he was in the back of the trailer at each stop. He ended up in the middle of nowhere. While he was in the back of the trailer the robber escaped with his friends in the car. JC got out of the trailer and walked twenty minutes to the first house he saw. The lady called the police and JC was taken to headquarters in a police car.

Unfortunately, he was not helped by the police at this time. They told JC’s bosses that they were only taking him downtown to get a sketch of the robber and to show him pictures. They never once showed him the first picture or composited a sketch. Around 8pm, I called his boss and he called the station to check on him. They said JC was still going through pictures and they would slip him a note to call his wife. That never happened. They never told him I called and they lied to Coca-Cola and were not showing him pictures. I found out later in the night that they accused JC from the start of having something to do with the robbery. He was interrogated for hours by police AND FBI. The FBI said it was a felony to lie to a federal police officer. JC looked at him in the eyes and told him he did nothing wrong. He was not allowed to go to the restroom, eat, or drink at all. He said they would not let up and were going to keep interrogating him until he broke down and told the truth. They drained and drained him, but it didn’t work because they were not going to get anything else out of him when he was already telling the truth. They finally let him go and he made it home at 11pm. It was horrible.

He had to go in and take a polygraph two days later. Of course after the lie detector test, they were extremely nice. THEN, they wanted to compose a sketch of the guy with the gun. After this guy had been running free for two whole days (well, 2 weeks for that matter because they didn’t do anything the first time around). The police did apologize for what they put him through and they also said they have had to give other officers polygraphs. This guy’s face is all over the news and in newspapers. JC has been in several times to pick him out of a line-up, but every time it is not him. Once this guy is caught, he will go away for a long time. He is charged with many felonies (kidnapping, auto theft, armed robbery, etc…). But, JC cannot identify the other people that will be after our family.

Please understand that we do believe God protects us. He has and He will continue to. But once this started, He let me know it was a team of men and not just one person. Before, we did not know that. I knew it though because the Holy Spirit showed me many things about them. He warned me even before the guy’s face was publicized that our family was in danger. He is not warning me to be mean. It is out of love and this is a way He is protecting us. JC just opened up and said that the guy told him he would kill him if he called the police. God had told me that earlier and confirmed it after JC just said this yesterday.

Many people do not understand and are hurt by this. People I thought would be there for us are not supporting us with this decision. I understand that they do not agree. Sometimes we do not agree with what people do, but we should still support them no matter what. I am hurt by some that I thought would always be there for us, but we are the ones going through this. It is hard to say what anyone would do in this situation and we should not be criticized for doing what is best for our family. God has put people in our lives that have come forth through this and truly supported us and have been there. So, that has been awesome to watch.

Our decision is that we are moving. We cannot post publicly where we are going, but I do not mind sending anyone a private message if you want to know. I may be able to post in the future where we are, but I am not sure when or if ever. I do ask that you do not put it anywhere on the internet. Please do not post on facebook or anywhere publicly. We have been asked if this is a fear based decision or faith based? I will not lie and say there is no fear at all with this decision. Of course there is. But, it is also faith based and I can tell you that God has told us to do this. It sounds crazy because God led us to our new church. We know 100% that He did. I can't understand why He led us into this new season just for us to leave a few months later. But, I do not regret it one bit. I have seen the glory of the Lord and tasted His goodness. I will never settle for less than His presence. He is so faithful even when I am not because He cannot deny Himself!!! 2 Timothy 2:13 He is proving that over and over to me. When I feel I can't go on, He shows me how much He loves me. I was so mean to Him today and He remained faithful when He didn't have to. He doesn't have to love me this way, but He does. He doesn't have to be so good to me, but He still is. That same God loves you. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. Don't ever think He doesn't love you. You are His beloved and you are made in His image...wow...

To my MS friends and family.... we love you more than you will ever know. You can't even imagine how much we love you and are going to miss you. We are so grateful for your love and support for our family. You have been there for us for the last 5 years. God used you in so many ways and we will never forget it. I never want to lose touch with any of you. I love you and am going to miss you so much more than you will miss me I am sure. :)

This song has been helping me get through these difficult times. God keeps giving me the word, "stronger". He gives it to me through many people, songs, and from the Bible. I keep hearing it over and over through many sources. I would like for you to hear this song.

Here is another one I would like for you to hear.

Thank you all for being patient with us and hanging in there with us. I cannot express enough how much you all mean to me. Even the ones we have never met. If there is one thing you get from following this blog is that I hope you NEVER EVER forget how much God loves you. That is what matters in this life. Hang on. You will make it.

You shall see disaster no more!

2011-06-17T11:07:00.002-06:00

It has been a great day. Lots of laughter in our home. We kid around a lot and love to laugh. As I have mentioned before, we love to play games...especially card games. Natasha catches on so fast to every game we introduce her to. She is a quick learner.

The older boys currently have a math tutor and it has sparked an interest in them for the first time for math. I wish I could always have them a math tutor for the rest of the school time (through high school), but I will not be able to afford it. It is temporarily, but I will take what I can get and do it as long as we can. Samuel came home and did his homework right away. I was shocked. I did not have to even ask him to do it. Their teachers are two young guys that are dear friends of ours. One is in college and the other one is in high school. I am so grateful for them and their mom. Thanks so much for being there for our children and helping them succeed. :)

Jacob's cast is off and he is doing great. He is slowly using his left arm and he will be fully recovered soon. :)

Gabriel is still Gabriel. Even though he is six, he still hasn't changed. Most of the time, he seems a lot younger than six and still talks like he is three. He was in speech therapy for awhile, but they didn't act like he needed it. They said the way he talks are later sounds that he will be able to say. He is completely normal and will eventually be able to talk normal. Other children his age talk correctly, but I am trusting that he will catch up. We tried school, but it was so traumatic for him. He cried daily and made himself throw up. It is hard teaching him because he doesn't learn as fast as others his age, but I think he is different than other boys. I just need to be patient and know he will eventually learn even the basics.

This is the verse God gave me this morning and it is perfect for the season He is bringing us out of.

He has cast out your enemy. The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst; you shall see disaster no more.

A special thanks

2011-06-14T13:14:00.003-06:00

And thank you, Destiny, for the beautiful blog design!! I just saw it and it is beautiful!! I about cried here in the library...haha You ROCK!

AND thank you for our beautiful family portraits!! We love them so much!!!! You are the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. I have a million things to thank you for, but you know what they are. :) Love you, sweet friend. :)

A tough season, but we are coming out of it!

2011-06-14T12:57:00.002-06:00

I only have a few minutes but wanted to let you know we are still here. The last few weeks have been extremely hard for our family.

- JC's wallet was either lost or stolen on his coke route. He went to get it out of his back pocket and it was gone. It has not been found or returned.

- JC had a helper on the coke truck from a temp agency. The guy stole a couple thousand dollars from the safe. We cannot press charges because it is JC's fault. He thought the safe was locked.

- My sisters are fighting with me because I could not go to Maryland to my sister's graduation. I tried my hardest to figure out a way to get there, but I just could not do it at this time. I have disappointed them and they are not getting along with me now.

- Jacob is in a cast. He ran out in the parking lot and Natasha grabbed him and the ball came out of the socket. I was at the hopsital that night and didn't get sleep after going home because he cried all night. Then, the next day we were at the pediatrician's office and were sent to UMC hospital where he was put in a cast. Update - he is doing great!

- Our laptop has crashed so we do not have a computer at all.

- Grisha has had an attitude and starting to talk back. Update...he is doing great and we have not faught in a bit.

- Our van broke down and we are still using my dad's car where we are all crammed in.

- I have felt my life is crashing in on me and I have done self evaluations that I have not liked. I can't keep going on like this and desperately need to lose this 50 lbs. My cholesterol, triglycerides (sp?), etc... are all out of whack and I have to make a lifestyle change physically.

There is more, but I just want to say that everyday for a few weeks it seemed something went wrong and I have felt I can't take it anymore. I want to run away at times. Natasha is doing great, though so no complaints there. :)

God is so good, though during these rough times. He is comforting me and staying right beside me. I am doing much better and not trying to control things and I am just resting in Him. My attitude is better since I am letting Him fight the battles for me. I need those reminders to just rest. He has me during this tough season and He has not and will not let me go.

A Family Complete!

2011-05-16T20:58:00.008-06:00

Pool table still up for grabs

2011-05-02T09:57:00.000-06:00

We are still waiting for someone to make an offer on the pool table. Please look at pictures and read details back in the Feb post I believe. If it is not there then it will be the very end of Jan. Since we have not had any bids, you may very well get a pool table for really cheap. This will help our family a great deal as we do not have a working van at this time. All we have is JC's little car and he is at work everyday. Plus it does not fit all of us. Also, if you could pray with us about a job for JC. He currently works for Coke but drives 61 miles one way. With gas close to 4/gallon it is getting very difficult for us. We are looking for something closer or a big promotion somewhere. Thank you for lifting us up during this time. We appreciate your prayers.

So grateful...

2011-05-01T16:29:00.002-06:00

I have uploaded some pictures from the orphanage. I have so many and can't remember which ones you've seen. Here are just a few. I also have newer ones since we've been home, but I didn't bring my camera here to wi-fi so all I have are old ones on the laptop...sorry...I am just not good at updating.

You know, my little girl is just precious. So many people have tried telling me that, but after 6 weeks she is starting to show me her true, sweet self. That wall is coming down and I am seeing a precious, precious girl.

We play card games all the time as a family and that is one of Natasha's favorite things to do almost every night. She gets the cards out and waits for us to play. Her favorite game is Dutch Blitz and she is very competitive. We just taught her the card game golf and we played that one last night. She continues to love to fish and JC takes them fishing almost every weekend. Last weekend when Grisha was gone, Natasha went fishing alone with her daddy. Today, she caught four fish in the first five minutes. She usually catches the most fish. :)

So much progress!

2011-04-30T15:23:00.000-06:00

Natasha is doing wonderful! Friends of ours are letting her use Rosetta Stone and she is doing great with that. She is starting to try to speak more English with us. The turn around came before this, though. Grisha went away for a weekend and I could not believe the transformation with Natasha when her brother was not around. She had to understand me. She had to communicate with me. She was a different girl. She was so respectful and friendly. She even looked at me in the eyes and laughed with me a few times. After Grisha came back home, she put a little wall up with me again. But I see that wall slowly coming back down since she has started the Rosetta Stone. I think she likes it. She does it all the time and it is making her feel more comfortable with communicating. I am typing on my cell so must go but wanted to give an update that things are going well. Also, we should have pictures ready by next week. I cannot wait to see them and to share them with all of you.

Encountering the Holy Spirit

2011-04-20T21:03:00.002-06:00

Oh and one more thing....

I was healed of Maneir's Disease during that song at this exact place!! So as you hear there was a man that got out of a wheelchair, during this song so many were healed. We had been worshiping for 2 days already and pressing in!!! God showed up in our midst and did amazing things. When you encounter Him, you are NEVER the same. It is not about religion or any kind of practice. It is all about encountering God. When you have been touched by Him, you can not explain it to anyone. They have to experience Him for themselves. Feel His love for you!!!

New Ministry

2011-04-20T20:20:00.003-06:00

Oh, this is such an exciting time. A new life to be born in December and a new ministry. Yes, our friends just found out they are going to have a baby and we are so excited. I will be running around the house saying, “We’re gonna have a baby, we’re gonna have a baby!” And Grisha will say, “It is not our baby. It’s Brittany’s baby.” “But it is our baby”, I tell him. Even though it is not technically my baby, I am still just as excited and can’t wait. We are gonna have a baby!!! YAY!!!!

I have had dreams since I have been back from Ukraine and I thought God was trying to show me something that was going to happen. And that is exactly what He did. But, I was thinking it was something that was going to happen later in the future. It seemed too good to be true, though and I just kept waiting on Him. I go through seasons of having dreams. I may have dreams every single night for 2 weeks and then not have a dream for a month. I am back in a season of dreams right now and they have lasted for 5 weeks and still going strong. God has backed the dreams up with His word and confirmed them over and over. Everything that I am about to say has been totally led by the Holy Spirit. It is not a fast decision that was made and although we are experiencing some opposition, we will not back down from what God has told us to do.

I met with a friend at a coffee shop for just a girl’s morning out. I was the one that invited her so it wasn’t like it was planned. I didn’t go to even talk about my dreams or anything like that. I wanted us to catch up and talk about anything that came up. Well… She revealed to me that they were starting a church!!! I almost started crying (I think I may have) because that is exactly what God was showing me in my dreams and telling me that we were going to be a part of. It was too good to be true and I think I was in shock for most of the conversation. Even though I knew from the Holy Spirit revealing it to me, I was still in shock. As I was typing this, God just reminded me of the song He gave for 2011. I actually posted it here after we entered 2011. In the song it says, “Something’s moving, something’s changing….” Oh, thank you, Lord, for reminding me of that. That is so right on!!

It is not easy leaving Crossgates. We have loved being there and God has used this church family in our lives to grow us spiritually. We have formed bonds with people and will always love them. We found out about the children in Ukraine while we were going to Crossgates. Also, God used them to help bring both of our children home. We are so grateful to everyone and love them all so much. We are leaving with honor and much respect for this church family. If God would have told me several months ago to leave, I probably would have broken down and fought Him over it. But, He had to prepare me with dreams and put that desire in my heart. I also look back and He has prepared us the last four years for this. Desires and passions that He gave us years ago will no doubt come to pass in the next couple years. We will miss them terribly and hope to keep our friendships that we’ve made.

To N1Accord – You are the hardest to leave. You have cried with us, rejoiced with us, gone crazy with us, and so much more. You have loved us unconditionally even when family thought we were crazy. You became our family and I thank you for the love you’ve shown us. God used you to bring our children home from the other side of the world and I will be forever grateful to all of you for that. I can’t even write this without crying. Words are not even enough to show how much I love you. Please understand God is the only one leading me in this journey. In my flesh I would have never left. He had to prepare me for this moment and looking back, He has prepared me all along the way the last four years. So many things He put in my life to lead me to this moment. I also need you to know that I am not following man. I am completely following God. No one showed me this, but Him. I have asked the Holy Spirit to lead me in everything and He has. It is something I pray for everyday that I will only be guided by the Spirit. I know I don’t have to keep explaining, but I just wanted you to know that I promise this is what God told us to do. I want you to know straight from me because we are already facing some opposition. I love you, N1Accord, and don’t ever doubt that. I love every single one of you. Call me anytime and come visit me anytime. Please keep in touch.

One thing God keeps showing me is that we are going to fly. We are really going to fly. Our wings will not be clipped and we won’t just be able to fly to the top of a tall building and have to stop once we reach the ceiling. There will be no ceiling. We will be eagles and will be able to soar.

Okay, here is the song about Heaven on Earth and God gave us this song long before this was announced on New Year's Eve. He revealed it to John and Jacquie way before and we were going crazy when they announced this at The Ramp. God is so awesome that we can go to another state and He says the same thing.

This other song is by Kim Walker and I want you to hear this one. I am not afraid!!! Oh, Lord Jesus!!! Show me Your Glory!!!

The light is coming!

2011-04-20T19:59:00.001-06:00

I almost don’t even want to post this because tonight has been a great night. Natasha has been so respectful and so sweet to me. I am going to go ahead and post it because it will show me how it was and the progress she has made. I will be able to look back and see how far she has come. So, even though you read the following, please know this is only temporary.

So much is going on in our lives at the present time. Natasha is continuing to grow in our family. We had one hard week and that was last week. When she starts understanding me better and I understand her more than I believe it will get easier. Grisha was not as hard to reach as she is. He still had an attitude with only me and no one else and it is exactly the same with her. It is not that she does not respect authority. She respects everyone else’s authority, but mine. Grisha was not any different. Now Grisha and I have a great relationship and we laugh all the time. But, the first two months are the hardest. And it may take longer with her because she is not learning English near as fast as Grisha did. She does not try to learn and she does not try to understand me. These are the hardest things with her right now. She tells me she loves me back if I tell her, but I am not sure it is from her heart at this point. It is just something to say back when someone says it to you. She will get there and we are both having to work on ourselves in this relationship. It is not easy especially when she has no problem with attaching to everyone else but her Mama. She says Daddy all the time and is fine with him. She is great with her grandparents, our friends, a total stranger , etc… But, ya’ll – I have been here before and I will not cry myself to sleep every night. It was harder for Grisha to bond with me, too. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is a beautiful transformation and it will happen.

Everyone that knows her or meets her falls in love with her. They probably would never even believe the way she acts towards me. It was the same with Grisha. How could this perfect child ever give his mother any trouble? Haha Grisha rarely gives me an attitude now. It has only happened twice in five weeks. What is hard for me with Natasha is she cries when she’s bored. I don’t understand that. If she has to wait at a doctor’s office, she cries and is suddenly a two year old. She is not crying because they have to take 16 vials of blood. She acts like she likes all that part. She just hates being bored and will cry over it like she lost a best friend. And I can try everything to help her with not being bored, but nothing works. She does not want to do anything, but sit there and cry.

Okay so there’s the negative side. It really isn’t that bad. Out of five weeks, only one of them was really like that. But, I wanted to give you the negative so you don’t think I am covering up anything and acting like everything is perfect. I think it isn’t that bad. Some people have to deal with anger and physical abuse, but we have not dealt with that at all with our adoptive children. Theirs is emotional and although not easy, with time and love, they heal.

Natasha loves to cook and as of right now, that is what she wants to do as an occupation. She takes over in the kitchen when I try to cook. It is funny because it has to be her way and her way of cooking is the only right way. But, I have to watch her because she is a firm believer in salt and will pour half a bottle in the pot while cooking or in anything that has already been prepared. Even if I tell her that is enough, she goes back and tries to pour more. It is hard for a mom that rarely uses salt. Haha Two women in the kitchen is so much fun. This is a first for me. Although the boys love helping cook, they follow the instructions that are given and enjoy just helping. Natasha cracks me up with pretending to know everything herself when it comes to cooking. A lot of it is not right at all, but you cannot tell her that. And a lot of this is a girl thing. I have been a boy Mama for almost 13 years so everything is new to me when it comes to a girl. It may take me awhile, but I will get used to it. :) Lots of patience, lots of patience. Isn’t that what I said you needed to adopt? Well, I need to take my own advice.

Natasha loves riding the four wheeler. She could do it every day. She does not jump on the trampoline near as much as Grisha did. Our whole family has always loved the park, but Natasha says it is boring. I like to go there and walk on the track, but she says she doesn’t want to go anymore because it is “skootchna” (boring). The boys cannot understand that. They beg to go to the park. Yesterday I had to sit her in front of the wall for 13 minutes (1 min each for each year and she is 13) and show her what is boring. She kept on saying “ochen skootchna” (very bored). I kept answering her and she would say loudly, “OCHEN, OCHEN (VERY VERY) – I would say, “I know” and she kept on and on like ten times saying “OCHEN!!” So, I gave her a book to read (in Russian) and she refused to do that. I gave her many choices of things to do and she refused to do any of them. So, she sat in front of a wall. This is not easy for me because it hurts me so much to get on to her. Yesterday was our only day at home and she does not want to do that. She wants to go somewhere “fun” and I can’t take her somewhere every day. I cannot entertain her 24 hours a day. She has to learn there are times that you have to find something to do yourself. I think this is our biggest battle (boredom). And I don’t do well with the whining about it. Also, take into the fact that she is a hormonal 13 year old and I am a hormonal 31 year old.
She really is a sweet girl and I love seeing her smile. She is so beautiful. I cannot believe I have such a beautiful daughter. Jacob loves his big sister. Every morning he looks around the house calling out, “Natasha” in his cute 19 month old voice. If she is not home, he is looking out the window calling her name. She still is mostly attached to Grisha because he speaks her language. I think when she learns English, her and Samuel will be able to have more of a relationship. She does well with Jacob and Gabriel – especially Jacob.

Our daughter loves pushing the cart at the grocery store and she will fight her brothers to have this job (not really fight, but you know what I mean). She is serious about that job. The only thing that scares me about it is when she starts running while pushing it. Although Jacob is laughing hysterically because he likes to go fast, I have almost had a heart attack when she almost loses control of the cart in the parking lot. I think now she is learning that it is harder to control the faster you go. But, she loves it and always hurries to grab the buggy.

JC plays softball for the church and we enjoy going to watch his games. Natasha likes seeing her Daddy. It is so sweet hearing her say daddy to him all the time.
Our friend has opened a skate park in Jackson and Grisha and Samuel have enjoyed spending time there. Samuel is into skateboarding and Grisha is into BMX. They are able to do both at the skate park and they have a lot of fun. Samuel is starting to get into BMX and Grisha will skate board a little. But, Grisha prefers riding the bike for sure.

Destiny is taking our family pictures so maybe I will have some for you to see in the next few weeks. She has been able to take some and we should be able to finish up this weekend or maybe within the next week. I am excited that we will have pictures of our whole family together.

I have an announcement to make and I am going to work on that next blog post right now so stay tuned… :)

Natasha is doing great!

2011-03-28T10:26:00.004-06:00

Everything is going so well!!! We made it home safely. I was getting worried about Natasha while we were in Ukraine, but that struggle is now only past. Since we have been home none of that has happened. She is a happy girl and I will explain more in just a bit. Right now I want to go back to a journal entry I wrote on the airplane.

March 16, 2011 I am flying home right now with my new daughter. My husband had to return home a few weeks ago. The bonding between Natasha and me was not going as well as I had anticipated. I have never had a daughter before and I was expecting a closeness mother-daughter bond. But, it is taking time for her to trust me and see me as safe. Flying home with her alone has been the best thing so far for our relationship. She was scared of the airplane so she just held my hand as we took off. She has been smiling at me and trying to converse with me more. She is warming up to me and seeing the progress she has made has been incredible.

I know she is so scared right now. She has just left everything she has ever known and going into the unknown. I can't imagine being thirteen years old and going on the other side of the world with practically strangers. And to top it off going to be "in a family" which is a completely foreign concept. It is something she has wanted her whole life, but doesn't fully understand what it means to be in a family. It will take time, but she will adjust to her new life.

She is such a sweet girl and so bright. Everyone that meets her and talks to her says she is very intelligent. They say it is like talking to an adult. Diane noticed how Natasha observes people and then she does what they do. I have noticed that, too. She doesn't want to stand out and look different. So, if everyone at the table is doing the same thing, she will do it. For example, just now on the plane we were served our lunch. Natasha always sees me put my napkin on my lap but I haven't seen her do it. But on the plane, I put my napkin on my lap and the lady on the other side of Natasha put her napkin in her lap, too. She saw that both of us did it so she opened hers up and put it in her lap, also. She smiled at me and was very proud of herself. She was also watching how we were eating and she began eating how we ate ours. The only thing she did different was with the butter. She opened hers up before I did and she was just eating it plain...ugh...but I guess she liked it that way because she kept eating it. I know how important it is for her to not stand out so I did not say anything. I didn't want her to be embarrassed.

I cannot wait to get home and see the boys. It has been way too long and this Mama needs to see her babies. It will be so wonderful having our whole family together. Gabriel prays everyday for God to bring his sister home. He is so excited to be getting a sister. I know Samuel doesn't remember this, but when he was three years old he was praying to God for a sister. He is almost thirteen now. It has been a long time coming and God fulfilled many of our prayers for a girl. And most important of all, He heard a little girl's cry. She prayed and wished for a family all of her life.

There are so many children that need homes and I am praying more families will come for them. This is their desire - their one and only desire - to have a family. You don't need a lot of money. You need love and patience. You also need compassion. They need someone who will love them unconditionally. Love them for who they are - they may be broken and torn, but God will help you and them slowly mend the pieces back together. It is actually very beautiful. I always use that word because that is truly what it is. It is so beautiful. I love being a part of watching a life transform from darkness to a bright shining light. It is such a picture of salvation and our adoption from God. It is watching the physical what really happens in the spiritual. I also see how I've treated God and how He loves me unconditionally even if I didn't show that I loved Him back. I grow so much spiritually when I adopt. God reveals more of Himself to me with every adoption.

Natasha has fit right in with the boys. She is playing outside with them...jumping on the trampoline, riding bikes, playing catch with the football, etc... JC took the older three fishing and Natasha was the only one who caught the fish. She caught three. She has gotten her ears pierced and they look great. She has ridden on four wheelers (at Destiny's and our house). She has been helping my dad plant vegetables in the garden. I have pictures but didn't bring my camera here to wi-fi. I will get them uploaded to the computer so next time we get to internet I will post them. She loves her room and is sleeping in there by herself. She still keeps the light on at night while she sleeps, but I know eventually she will be able to turn it off. We have tried a lamp and night light, but that isn't good enough yet. It has to be the big bright light. I am not sure how she sleeps that way, but she is so I won't worry about it.

She really is doing well. The kids are begging to get on here because we are finally at wi-fi so I am going to wrap this up. I will try not to make it so long until the next post. Love you all and thanks for hanging in there with us.

Going Home!!!!

2011-03-15T10:00:00.002-06:00

We have the Visa and passport and are heading home tomorrow!!!! We arrive at 11:11pm!! Not sure when I can post again. We do not have internet at home, but I will do my best in the next week to get something posted so you know how we are doing. I can post updates on my facebook so if you are my friend on there, check for statuses. Thanks so much for following our journey and praying for us. Thanks for your giving as well to bring Natasha home. God is faithful and He keeps His promises!!! He loves us so much and never ever forget how much he loves you!!!!

Express Missions International

2011-03-14T00:26:00.000-06:00

This video is a ministry that my friend is a part of. I can guarantee you that it is credible and they have been able to save about 40 girls a month from sex trafficking. We need to help them rescue more girls. We cannot stand back and allow this to happen. You and I can help support this ministry financially. All I can do at the moment is donate for one girl, but that is rescuing ONE life. Please partner with me right now and rescue one (or more) from this sick and twisted thing that people have done. My friends help get them out and help restore these girls to Christ. God can use us to help them go and get these girls from this terrible life. Pray and let the Holy Spirit speak to you to see what you can do.

Here are the links from my sweet friend, AC Curtis. Start praying for this man, his family, and the ministry. If you know him or ever met him, your faith would be so inspired. He inspires me. www.expressmissions.com and fifty4one.com

Thank you for your love, Jesus!

2011-03-13T15:22:00.000-06:00

Current update at the bottom if you do not feel like reading the whole post.

Things are continuing to go well. Karen is so sweet and it has been nice getting to talk with her some. Her cousin spent the night last night and she is a sweet girl. Her family has lived here since before she was born. They have adopted three of her siblings. She attends a Christian school here for missionary kids. It was nice talking with her as well. Natasha and I are going to go to Karen’s church in the morning. It is all in English and I hope it will help Natasha meet more Americans so she isn’t as scared of them. She will also have Tonia there whom she met when we went to the hospital. She is Ukrainian and very sweet. She is learning English and speaks really well. She was our translator at the hospital yesterday. I like being around her. She smiles all the time and has such a sweet spirit. It was nice talking with her about the children God is breaking my heart for and about God’s love for us. She said I was a messenger of God (which all of us are), but I hadn’t thought of it like that. We also met Marianna and I know it is going to be a forever friendship. She shares my heart for the children and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me in ways I can help the children more. If God calls us to move outside the country one day, I hope it is to Kiev, Ukraine. I really, really like it here and so does Natasha. Even if that never happens, I know God is not finished with us here in Ukraine. It may not mean adoption, but it does mean I am open to whatever God has for me here. Whether it is uniting children with their families (which I plan on doing anyway) or doing some mission work off and on here…I have no idea. I do know I cannot stand on the sidelines when God has broken my heart for orphans here. It does not mean I don’t care for orphans in America. That is the main question I get from Americans. I care about children no matter where they are. But, God has broken my heart for this country and the children here. He has a mission for us all and He calls us to different things. Whatever you are passionate about is what God has called you to do. It is like it is deep within you and you know what it is. It could be soccer like it is for my husband. He has such a passion for soccer and he can use that for God’s glory. He and I both know that is what he is supposed to do. It doesn’t mean it will ever be his job. But it does mean that he feels he is supposed to do SOMETHING with soccer as a tool to bring God glory. God has given JC a passion for soccer and me a passion for orphans and I feel one day we will be in a ministry together that combines both of those. What are you passionate about? How can you use that for the glory of God? He will show you. Ask Him and when you ask Him, don’t put limits on it. Don’t ask Him if you are not open to what He wants for your life. Do not worry if others are going to think you are crazy. They are going to think you are crazy anyway about something and nothing you do is going to please them completely. So, why not go for what God created you for? Why not choose the life from the One who created you? I think about that. He is the One that created me so He knows better than anyone else in this whole world. Everyone else will tell you what you are supposed to do with your life, but I choose to listen to God. I hope you will, too.
I have gotten several sweet emails from people following the blog. I want to thank you for taking the time to write. I also want to apologize that I haven’t gotten the chance to respond to each of you personally. It is difficult not having internet. I will do my best in the next couple days to write you back. Thanks again for contacting me and thanks for being patient.

Natasha still would not prefer to be with me alone. She says it is because she doesn’t understand me. I know it is more than that, though. There are many times that I know she understands. But, it is almost like she does not even want to understand me. But, she is no longer throwing fits so that is progress. I am trying not to take it personally even though it hurts. She attaches to strangers easier because they are not a threat. She doesn’t like to look at me. I have been observing her and she will smile at someone else who smiles at her, but if I try she looks away. As soon as I look at her, she hurries to look at anyone else or anything else.
That is the reality of our relationship at the moment, but I know it will get better. It has to.

The above was typed yesterday. Erika took us to the hospital and we visited Natasha’s friend, Valya. I misunderstood. She has already been in this place for 4 months. I have no idea how much longer she will be there. I think she is really sick because she has lost all her hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. She says her hair is starting to grow back, though. Erika has some pictures from the day so I will post them as soon as I can. What I found out about Valya is that she is one of five. The ages of the children are 17, 15, 13, 6, and 1. All of them are in orphanages even the one year old baby. Valya is the 13 year old and she says she is the only one that is sick. She said she has a mother, but she is an alcoholic and ran off. They do not know where she is. It is amazing how these children can talk about such a hard life, but be smiling as they talk about an alcoholic mom that disappeared. I know it brings pain to think about it and talk about it, but it is almost as if they harden themselves to the reality of their life. I guess they have to so they can stay strong and get through this life.

The children do not get fed well so we brought Valya some food and ate outside. The kids played on the playground. There was a little girl that came with us and she was so cute. Erika and I wanted to take her home. She does not have parents, but has an uncle and grandmother I think. She believes she is going back home in a month. I think she has already been there a month. We hung out inside and the children talked and giggled for awhile. We saw a little girl come out and she had lost almost all of her hair. She was so tiny and her legs were like toothpicks. They said she had just had an operation. I think this place is for really sick kids. It broke my heart being there. I know it broke Erika’s heart, too.

I think about if we had flown home on Thursday that we wouldn’t have had these opportunities. We would not have been able to go to the hospital and love on the baby. We would have not been able to go visit Natasha’s friend whom she has known since she was six or seven. We found out after we were here that she had been sent to Kiev. So, that was awesome and I know it made her day that Natasha came to visit her. We would not have been able to go to Karen’s church today which was such a blessing. It is a lot like Crossgates and we sang several of the same songs we sing at our church. It was so nice going to an English speaking church and seeing so many Americans. I was able to talk to some people and the pastor prayed for Natasha and me. A lady I met today invited us to come stay at her house the next couple days. Karen has a family coming in tomorrow so we needed a place for the rest of the time. It was amazing that this lady just met me and wanted us to come stay with her family. We were going to pay for a place for a couple nights, but this sweet lady did not want me to have to do that. She says she lives in an actual house outside of town. It is kind of far out, but it will be fine. It is only 20 minutes from the airport so that will be nice when we are leaving. The part of town that she lives in is where JC, Grisha, and I stayed when we were in Kiev in 2009. We stayed at Kiev Christian University in the summer when the students were gone. So, it is cool that Natasha and I will be going to that side of Kiev that we finished in with our last adoption. It is neat that it is coming full circle.

God has such a plan for us and although I was so devastated when things didn’t work out for us to go home, I am so grateful for our time here in Kiev. It was the best option for us to come to Kiev early.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8,9

I wanted to just give the above verses, but I think I need to keep going and have you read the next two that come after this. Think about it. He is saying when the rain and snow come down from Heaven, it does not return back to Heaven. Instead, it waters the earth. It produces something that comes from Heaven. He is comparing that to what He says that comes out of His mouth. When it comes from Him, it does not come back to Him empty. It will accomplish what it is supposed to accomplish. His word will not return void. I want you to get this. This is great. Let it sink into your spirit.
“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return void (empty, without fruit) but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:10,11

Do not forget how much God loves you. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. I never want to forget that. My friend sent me a message when I was in Odessa and I cried and cried because of what she said at the end. This was her closing statement.

“Love kept Him on the cross – not the nails.”

Update – tonight has gone very well. Natasha has been talking with me more and helping me pack. She has been considerate in asking me if I wanted some of her starbursts, helping me dry my nails…haha. She was going over her nails with more polish and I decided I needed a second coat on mine. She got out the hair dryer to dry hers and wanted me to come over and she dried mine as well.

With every adoption, I learn to work on myself more. I find out things about myself that I do not like. It isn’t really bad, but just things I need to work on. It is amazing how much God changes me when I adopt a child. There are things inside me that I didn’t know were there. They don’t even surface until I am faced with a newly adopted child. I am not sure I am explaining myself well, but maybe you can understand what I am getting across. I am learning I need to get more on Natasha’s level. She feels I don’t understand her and frankly, I am not sure I have acted like I have understood her by my actions. I have talked with her through a translator letting her know how much I love her and how it hurts me when she hurts. But even though I have explained my heart in words to her, I think just my consistent behavior towards her is how she is going to learn to trust me. I realized she likes music and I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. I pulled out the I-Pod that Jan and Terry gave us. I gave her headphones to listen to the music and right now she is laying in the bed very content listening to it. I know she doesn’t understand it, but I am happy she likes it. It is also cool that it is praise music. :)

Thank you for lifting us up in prayer. I know many people are praying and I thank you so much.

God is amazing!

2011-03-11T09:44:00.003-07:00

What a great day we had today!! I have my sweet Natasha back!!! We went on a missions trip to a hospital and got to love on a 4 month old baby. Natasha got her to sleep and was able to hold her for awhile. It was so nice and we both wanted to bring the baby home.

We are now at a cafe and she is doing so well with me alone. It seems harder for some reason when we are alone in the apartment, but getting out helps her feel better. I think she thinks too much when we are in the apartment.

She ordered for me since they did not have an English menu. She ordered the same thing for both of us. It was so sweet. She ordered a sandwich and soup. We have already finished eating and have been on the internet for awhile. So, she wanted something to drink again. I told her that was fine. She ordered the drink and had them bring out 2 glasses for both of us. They also brought out a glass of ice. She put ice in my glass and poured my drink. She is being so considerate and I am truly amazed at how she has warmed up to me today.

I was in despair and she was, too. God has pulled us out of it. I know it is still going to be hard and I am not expecting that everything is over. But, she is okay with being alone with me right now and I am so joyful. Natasha Joy is her name and it fits. She has brought me a lot of joy and I know soon she will experience the joy of Christ.

And guess what??? Today is 1111 for those of you that know what I am talking about. And what a turning point it was for our relationship. We were supposed to fly home yesterday and we would have never had today at the hospital loving on that precious baby and meeting people that we wouldn't have met. I thank God for this day and these people He has here.

She just found out her friend is in the hospital here in Kiev for four months. She would like to visit her tomorrow and I am trying to find out how to do that. It would be great if we could visit her. Natasha is excited she is here. I hope it works out.

Josh Wilson - I Refuse

2011-03-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

Lord, do what only you can do!

2011-03-11T03:07:00.001-07:00

I typed this in word so when you read this is may not be the exact day it was written.

We made it to Kiev just fine. Vanya was with us on the train and everything went well. We still have not gotten the passport, but the Embassy said we could keep our first appointment. It was nice getting that out of the way. We also went to the hospital and had the medical done. We cannot pick up the medical until we get the passport, but it is nice that it is done. As soon as the passport is finished, it will be sent on the train to Kiev. We can then get the Visa and go home. The soonest we are going home looks like Wed.

We do not have internet in the apartment we are staying in so I apologize for the lack of communication with all of you. Several of you are waiting on calls and I am sorry. There is a little coffee shop close that has wi-fi and that is how I am posting this. There is a sweet lady who is letting us stay with her in Kiev. She is a young missionary here and is hosting adoptive families. I am so glad to be here and I am looking forward to spending more time with her. She has been busy, but we will be able to spend some time with her this Saturday.

Natasha is having a hard time when it is her and me alone. I do not want to talk about her in a negative way because I am her mother and I do not like it when parents post negative things about their children. But, I need you to see what is happening and I am going to have to be honest. This is the hard part about adoption. We did not experience this with Grisha to this degree. I was trying not to get my hopes up with Natasha and now I see that I did. I thought by now she would be cuddling with me, letting me brush her hair, that we would be laughing together and so much more. I thought she would see me as her mother and her as my daughter. I see now this is going to be a long process and only God can intervene in this situation.

As long as we are with someone even if it is a stranger that speaks Russian, Natasha is fine. But as soon as they leave (and I mean in a matter of seconds) she starts crying. She will sit far from me and just cry. She will build herself up to almost wailing. There is nothing I can do to stop her unless another person comes over. Then, she is all smiles and acts like nothing has ever happened. They will talk to her and she will say she understands and that person will tell me nothing is wrong and everything is fine. But, there is something wrong. When her and I are alone, she will not look at me for the most part. Sometimes she will and it will be the meanest look anyone has ever given me. It is a look of hate and disgust. If I try to comfort her with physical touch, she pulls away like I am making her skin crawl and I am the most disgusting person she has ever been around. She will not eat unless there is another person with us. All she says to people is that she is bored when it is her and me alone. But I will try to play a game with her, talk to her, and do anything I can. Even things I know she likes to do. But, she refuses to do anything with me. People don’t cry like that because they are bored. I am thinking she must not understand what the word bored really means. Because this is a hurt and deep pain of loss she is experiencing. I know I have said this before, but it is literally as soon as someone walks out the door, she changes into a completely different person. It is like it is not her. It is not the sweet little girl that everyone knows. Everyone that knows her would probably not even believe that she would be this way with me. It literally is a fear and she puts herself into a panic attack. I thought it would be easier when we got to Kiev because I thought she needed a different environment. She was holding on so much in Odessa and it was draining her emotionally. I knew I needed to get her out of there, but it has been worse since we got to Kiev and Vanya left.
Erika came over and Natasha changed completely. She was all smiles. She talked with her and took us to Dream Town. We went on the metro and Natasha was manager for the day. It was her day and she was in charge. She liked that. She liked being the one to order anything we bought. She got two movies. She really likes Stuart Little so she was looking for that and found it. She also found some other kind of animated movie. Anytime we needed directions, she was the one that asked someone. Erika was so funny and had Natasha direct us where to go and Natasha really liked being in charge. Erika helped so much and I can’t thank her enough for coming to my rescue. I saw a happy girl and she even ate when Erika was around. This Dream Town is amazing. If you are with your children in Kiev, you should definitely go. I was wishing the boys were with us. They would have loved it. There is a huge gorilla, spiderman and his web, and then batman is way up in the ceiling like he is flying down. They have an ice skating rink, roller skating rink, bowling, arcade games, trampolines, blow up slides, and so much more. I can’t even remember everything they had. It is a mall with all of this. They have restaurants, ice cream places, coffee shops, etc… Natasha could choose one thing she wanted to do and she chose ice skating. (In case you are wondering how we can do all this in Ukraine, the prices are nothing like America. Things cost barely anything here.) Let me back up….When someone is with us, Natasha is fine with me. She was holding my hand and when I had to let go for a second, she held her hand out for me to grab it. She still doesn’t hold my hand back (squeeze my hand), but she lets me keep it there. But when we are alone, I would not be able to do that. It’s like someone walks out and suddenly she is against me. When she was ice skating, she was so excited and waving to us every time she passed. But as soon as Erika walked away, Natasha panicked. She would not look at me and wouldn’t come near me. She would cut off in the middle of the rink and go the other way. I could see her looking frantically for Erika and I could tell she was panicking inside. I wish I could explain in words, but she literally had a fear come over her.
The reason I am telling you the negative side is because you need to understand how it is so you can pray and for those that are looking to adopt. They need to know the good and the bad. I am not saying these things to scare people in adopting. I do not regret this and I know God had us adopt Natasha Joy. I am going to be a part of something so beautiful. I am going to see her life transform and it is going to be wonderful. How amazing it is to be partnering with God and be part of a miracle. I know all of this and I have to hold on to it. It is so hard going through it, though. At times I have felt my faith falter, but I am regaining strength from the only One who can give it to me.

I have not known what to do when Natasha gets like this. I have to call someone and they come over and everything is fine. But, I was talking to Karen last night (the lady I am staying with) and she recommends limiting Natasha’s exposure to new people. I told her Natasha refuses to be with me even for five minutes. I mean, it seems like torture. But, she says we have to get through those five minutes. It made such sense and I know this with my heart, but going through it, is like I just don’t know what to do. I have been feeling I would rather see her spirits up and happy having someone else around then her making herself sick and not eating. I know it is my time to bond with her, but that is not happening unless someone else is around. But, I have to be strong I guess and get through this without having someone with us 24 hours a day. Like right now, I know she is awake but she will not get out of bed because she will have to come in the other room and be with me alone. This hurts me so much. I know it is not about me and I can’t be worrying about my feelings and being selfish. This is not to fulfill my need of having a daughter. But maybe that is what I was doing. I was so excited to have a daughter. My dream came true and now I am crushed. I know it won’t always be this way and please do not read into something I am not saying. I don’t regret anything. My heart is just broken at the moment. I am sure it is nothing compared to what she is going through, though. I have just taken her away from everything she knows. I am taking her away from her whole life and even though I am only showing her love, I am still the bad guy in her eyes right now. I am not the one that hurt her and abandoned her, but I feel she is taking it out on me.
Do not get me wrong. Natasha is so precious and I love this little girl so much. This is just the reality of this mother and daughter at the moment. Actually, as Karen reminded me that Satan is holding onto her. I am not against her and she is not technically against me. This is a battle. I am in a war and it is a spiritual battle. Karen says as long as the children are in the internat, Satan has them exactly where he wants them. Now that she is out of there, he is holding on. It is not my precious daughter. Satan is ugly and fighting for her. I needed that reminder and I need to realize it is not personal. When this is put into perspective for me in the spiritual realm, I understand more. I thank God for putting these people in my life exactly when I need them.

“The floods have lifted (raised) up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; The floods lift up their waves. The Lord on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, than the mighty waves of the sea.”

“Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink; Let me be delivered from those who hate me, and out of the deep waters. Let not the floodwater overflow me, not let the deep swallow me up; And let not the pit shut its mouth on me. Hear me, O Lord, for Your loving kindness is good; Turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies. And do not hide Your face from Your servant, for I am in trouble; hear me speedily.” Psalm 69:15

I just finished typing this and Natasha just walked in smiling and said, “Good Morning.” Wow…thank you, dear Lord. She still does not want to eat, but I am glad at the moment she is okay.

It has been about 10 minutes since she has been up and everything is going well. She is being so sweet. I can’t thank you enough, Lord Jesus!!! Everything is going to be okay. We will take it one day at a time, one minute at a time, and one step at a time.

I have decided that Natasha and I are going to go to the café right now and get on the internet and post this. I also know she wants to tell her friends about Dream Town. And maybe I can get her to eat there. Not sure why it is hard for her to eat at home. If we go out, she eats so maybe this will help. We also plan to get some post cards here for her friends that we can mail to them while we are still here in Kiev. Erika says she really liked the idea. Thank you, Erika for all of your help and thank you, Karen. And thank you, Jesus, for intervening!!!! You love Natasha more than any of us can ever imagine.

Update - it is now lunchtime and there has been no breakdowns. We are going to a hospital to love on babies. I am so happy Natasha and I can do this together.

Art Room

2011-03-06T23:53:00.005-07:00

I love the art room. It is my favorite place in the whole internat. It is where a few of the kids go and hang out quite often. The teacher is very nice and creates a friendly atmosphere by her room and her friendly personality. I am glad the children have her and this room they can go to and use their creative talents. Here are some pictures taken in the art room.

I want to thank all of you for your comments. They were really sweet and it means a lot. I am feeling much better. I was going through a little rough time for a couple days, but my spirits are back up. I was upset that I purchased tickets too early and I am losing money having to change them again. I was upset with many things. I am also feeling much better physically. The only time it hurts is when I take in a really deep breath. Before it was chronic pain and that is gone now. :)

Tamara - I didn't get your comment until around 10:30 last night. I was flipping out jumping around the apartment. I was thinking how I could get on a train in 20 minutes and knew I wouldn't be able to make it. Vanya is back home in Donetsk and I called him. He was sleeping and I woke him up. I was jumping up and down while talking to him and I was trying to figure the whole thing out. But the more I talked, I knew I could not pack up this apartment and make the train on time. I also thought about if the Embassy let us have our appointment this morning (Mon morning) without the passport, we would still have to come back on an overnight train and apply for the passport on Wed which would have been my second appointment in Kyiv at the Embassy because they are closed on Tuesday as is everyone else. So, I would not have made the flight on Thurs anyway. It would have been too much going back and forth to Kyiv, Ukraine. But, thank you for that information. I got happy for a few minutes...haha And poor Vanya. I am sure he thinks I am a lunatic calling late at night running around the apartment. He probably didn't understand what I was rambling about.

Heading home hopefully by the weekend

2011-03-06T00:03:00.002-07:00

I have been thinking lately that I probably should take a break from the blog and maybe even a permanent break. But the more I think about it, I feel it would be unfair to the true followers who enjoy reading and following our family. I just feel misunderstood on this blog and feel that many people only leave comments if they disagree with something I have said. They will have never left a comment on my blog before. No encouraging words or anything about our adoption or family, but the moment they disagree, they jump in and start leaving comments. I can't keep trying to defend myself. It seems it doesn't matter what I say, there will still be people that don't get it. The people that know me personally know who I am and God knows me more than anyone else. He is the one that created me and knows my every thought and everything you could ever know about a person. I am too weary at this time anyway to keep defending myself. I am grieving from a tragedy that happened back home (not in my family, but my friend's) and I just got Natasha on Friday. I had booked our tickets this Thursday hoping that we would be all finished, but we did not get the birth certificate on Friday therefore, we could not get the passport. We have never had a problem getting a birth certificate. The boss has just refused to sign it. She even walked out on us while Vanya was trying to talk to her. She put her jacket on and walked out of the office. She just kept refusing to sign this paper. It could only be her signature on the birth certificate so we couldn't even go through anyone else. Friday was a waiting game. We waited for so long in the office. Saturday was a waiting game. We waited most of the morning and came back in the afternoon and after waiting 2 1/2 hours, we finally got the birth certificate. Now the passport office is closed until Wednesday. I will cancel my appointment with the U.S. Embassy and hope I can get an appointment with them on Thursday and have the Visa by Friday. I just hope and pray we can get the passport on Wed so we can be on the overnight train to Kiev that night. The process has gone pretty smoothly up until the end. The good thing is, if there are flights on Saturday and we have everything by then, we will only be 2 days later getting home. The problem is, it is going to be at least $600 to change the tickets. I just paid $300 to change mine and now will have to pay $600 to change both of ours. It is my fault that I changed mine already and booked Natasha's. I just would have never thought we would not have been able to get the birth certificate on Friday. ugh...but what can you do, you know? I can sit and keep pouting about it, or enjoy the rest of my time here.

We had Natasha's party at the internat yesterday and it went well. We set out 25 place settings and all were taken. :) It was a nice time. When we arrived at the orphanage, we were bombarded with hugs. You would have thought we had been gone a year and not a day. When they saw Natasha, I thought she was going to get knocked over...haha They were so excited to see her. Natasha's two teachers came to the party and that was nice. Dima went around the table and got a video of children saying something to Natasha. I am glad she has that video. I know it will mean a lot to her. The children took many pictures and after we get them uploaded to the computer, I will put some on here. We have a busy day today so hopefully I can work on that in the next couple days.

When we signed Natasha out of the orphanage on Friday, I was so happy they gave me pictures of Natasha when she was younger. I think it is about 5-6 pictures and it is all different ages. The youngest starts at 3, but she looks like a baby and not a 3 year old. She is so precious. They did not give us pictures of Grisha so I was so happy to have these of Natasha. I will always cherish this. I am also going to stop by the SDA and get Natasha's baby picture from there. Oh, how I wish I had a baby picture of Grisha. All we can do is imagine what he looked like as a baby. When I see a baby with dark hair and brown eyes, I always wonder if maybe Grisha looked like this baby. And then I will see a little boy a few years old that matches Grisha's features and wonder if he looked like that one.

We skyped with the boys last night. Natasha froze up and was kind of scared to talk to them and even Grisha who was speaking Russian to her. She got a little better with talking Russian, but she still seems nervous. Jacob was so cute. It was so sweet watching him wave and say, "hey". He was also pointing to his shoes and saying, "shoes." He would say, "hi Mama" and was happy to see us. Gabriel is so funny, too. I wish you could have seen them. All the boys are so precious. It was great to see Samuel and Grisha, too. They are little men now and are growing up too fast. It is like I am having an adult conversation when I talk to them. Oh, I miss them all so much. I know it will not be too long and I will see them.

Natasha is doing well. Sometimes she seems fine with me and other times she seems nervous. But who can blame her? This is a huge transition. Grisha tried explaining many things to her and that he was nervous, too. He was scared to fly as she is and he told her she could watch t.v. haha. She also has been feeling car sick every time we are in a car. I feel so bad because I know exactly how she feels. I get the same way. I have been feeling queezy in the car too, but I can kind of deal with it. I know she is having a hard time with motion sickness. We have been putting her up front and explain to watch the road, but I am not sure it is helping much.

I have to run and get ready for church. I will post more in the next couple days. Love you all and remember God loves you more than you can ever imagine.

One Touch

2011-03-03T02:26:00.003-07:00

I do not know how to get this video on the blog so I am sending the link. Please watch it, listen to the words, and see how God can change anything and anyone. This is one of my favorite songs ever!! It comes from the story in the Bible where a woman had an issue in the blood for 12 years and God healed her! She was shunned for that long and she knew if she only touched the hem of His garment that she would be made whole. PLEASE listen to this song. It never gets old for me and it is the best time for me to listen to it right now for personal reasons.

http://www.contactmusic.com/videos.nsf/stream/nicole-c-mullen-one-touch-press

get behind me you know you

2011-03-03T01:13:00.003-07:00

I just want to let you know that I will not post the hurtful comment I received, but I need you to understand that I can't in good conscience allow a child to go to a home that is not Christian. I am concerned where they will spend eternity. Why would I want them in a home that does not teach the only way? I want these children to experience true freedom and that only comes through knowing Jesus Christ. I pray you will open your heart to knowing Him. If you met my God, you would never be the same. Oh, I want you to meet Him and get to know Him.

I believe God will put them in Christian homes so I do not have to worry about a child that I am advocating for that would stay in an orphanage. Of course, I do not want them to stay there, but God is bigger and hears when I call. Thanks for reading and I hope your heart changes to accept the only one who will ever love you unconditionally.

I am so in love with children on the other side of the world!

2011-03-02T11:25:00.002-07:00

Well, today was my first day back to the internat in two days. I have not been feeling very well. I have had chest pains for a few days (today is actually the fourth night). Before it was only chest pains and then it radiated to my back. Every breath hurt. I couldn't sleep and if I leaned on that right side, there was so much pain I would want to cry. With the exception of being pregnant, I haven't had pain that lasted this long. The pain is constant and although it gets worse with breathing deeply and moving, it never goes away completely. It is like when I had an ulcer 2 years ago. The pain stays and lasts 24 hours a day. Misha sent a lady over here named Lena who speaks very good English. When she got here, Misha called an ambulance and had the doctors come here. I told him not to call an ambulance and he said for me not to argue with him. He said he promised my husband he would take care of me and he keeps his word. The doctors showed up and had me explain the pain. He also wanted to know why I was in Odessa. After I explained, he told me to take off all my clothes. I was not about to do that. I was so embarrassed and didn't think I needed to undress fully for him to listen to my chest. So, I just took off my sweater and kept my t-shirt on. He never listened with a stethoscope. He just beat on my back and asked if it hurt worse when he did that. Of course, it did. Even if I had no pain before, there was certainly pain now...haha He said I was sweating and walked through a draft and that is what is wrong with me. I actually have not sweat the whole time I have been here. It is way too cold for that. But, he swore he was right and that was it. So, they had me lay down on the couch and gave me a shot in the backside. I asked what the shot was and they said it was for pain. I also have to have massages in vodka. Yeah, who knew? So, Lena had to give me a rub down on my back with vodka and I have to have it done everyday. Destiny says it is certainly a different approach to treating patients. Yeah, I can see the doctors in the states giving you instructions to have a massage with vodka. haha Oh, man. I guess God wanted me to experience the medical care from my children's country.

I didn't care how I felt today. I was going to see my daughter and the other children. My back is actually feeling a little better, but the chest pains are still there on my right side below my collar bone. Vanya still felt I should stay home, but we are at the end and I couldn't stay away from the children. I only have a little bit of time left with them. Friday does not count because that is the day we are signing Natasha out when we get there. I was able to take Natasha to get her passport pictures done today. It was the first time it was just us out of the internat. She did great. She took me on the bus and led me to the photo place. It took her a bit to find it and she called Vanya a few times for help, but we made it there. We ended up walking back. She couldn't remember what bus to take so I told her we could just walk. It wasn't too far. It may have been a 15-20 minute walk.

It was a good day. I brought the laptop and we looked at pictures for a long time. Actually, we were still looking at pictures at 6:30pm. I told her I needed to go, but I would bring it back tomorrow. She enjoyed looking at pictures from our adoption of Grisha. If some of you remember when Grisha was in a concert where he played the accordian, she knew some of the children at that concert! There were some children that were blind that performed and she knew ALL of them. She was so surprised that I had pictures of them and she was telling me all their names. Michelle Hills - if you are reading this, Natasha says she knows your daughter! She saw a picture of her and she was going crazy with excitement. I believe it was your first adoption and I can't think of her name. Can you please tell me her name? I have no idea how Natasha knows her. I didn't think you adopted from Odessa, but maybe you did. Or maybe Natasha was in another city a long time ago? I have no idea. But, she knows so many children and I can't believe her memory. She remembers Grisha when she was 3 years old in the baby orphanage. He doesn't remember her, but she remembers him. Her memory is astounding. She may not always remember names, but she never forgets faces.

I was able to get some information on a little girl who has been an orphan her whole life. She says for 13 years she has been without a Mama. She wrote down some of her likes, birthdate, and information. She also has a medical condition and needs to be adopted. I know she can get the medical help she needs in the United States and a family that will love her unconditionally. She says she does not have any siblings, parents, or any family. I am keeping her info confidential and will only give it to serious inquiries only. I will also only give out information of children to Christians. I know you may think that is biased, but these children need to learn about God because He is the ONLY WAY that leads to life. We are concerned for their souls. My email address is: proverbs3189@yahoo.com I could not promise her a family, but I told her we would be praying. She could not stop hugging me and it was truly genuine. She was afraid to tell me she was sick, but I told her it was okay. I told her how much God loved her and that I loved her, too. She just cried.

I need to get some sleep now. Natasha wants me to come earlier tomorrow and she wants me to bring pizza. So, I will need to wake up earlier and get things done. Then, head out to the pizza place. Tomorrow is my last day without my daughter. I can hardly believe it.

Keep praying for the children and pray more people will come for them. My heart is breaking. If you could spend time with them, you would know how I am feeling right now. I don't think anyone could spend time with them and not fall in love.

Still can't believe I have a daughter!

2011-02-26T13:21:00.019-07:00

Wow - today was the best bonding day since I have been here. Natasha actually stayed in the room with me ALONE and played games. Up till now, she has seemed scared to be alone with me. If someone walked out of the room, she would not stay in there with us. That was not the case today. Maybe absence made the heart grow fonder..who knows? I was not there yesterday and today she was so happy to see me. As we walked down the halls from the medical room, she kept looking at me and smiling. Even if I was not looking at her, I would catch her just staring at me and smiling. If she wasn't looking at me and smiling, she was still smiling as she walked. She could not get the smile off of her face. I have never seen her this happy to see me. It was just precious.

I was going to go on a mission trip today to deliver supplies, but since I have not been feeling well, I decided not to go. I felt guilty for not going, but after I left the orphanage today I was filled with so much joy that I no longer felt the guilt. I am glad I stayed because today was awesome with Natasha. We both needed this bonding time.

Some children hung out with me today that hadn't come to me before now. One of them is a girl named Vica. She is just precious. She is shy, but finally came to me after 2 weeks. She even let me play with her hair as she laid down. It was so nice having her around.

Luda is my pal and she has been distant lately. She is having a hard time. A couple times she has brought me things she made for me, but stayed outside the door and has someone else bring it in to give me. Today, she brought me a heart she made. As soon as she gave it to me, she started crying. I held onto her and brought her to the couch to sit down and hold her. It is breaking my heart to see her like this. She says she has a mother and a 3 year old sister at home so I am not sure she can be adopted. But, no one comes to visit her on the weekends. Some kids that have family get to go home on the weekends. No one comes for Luda. Here is a picture of Luda and me. Even later when Natasha and Vica were looking at pictures from the camera, I could see Luda looking out the window and start crying again. She was sitting with us on the couch, but she was far away. I can't imagine the pain she feels and the emptiness of not having a family. Please pray for sweet Luda. When I say she is sweet, I mean, she is really sweet. This little girl is one of the most precious ones I have ever met (besides my daughter, of course). Pray for Luda every time you think of her.

Here is Vica. She is the one wearing red with brown eyes and brown hair. The other girls are Luda, Sveta, and Natasha.

Okay, so I am sure you see a pattern that whenever I have a good day here, it is also sad. Even though the day was so wonderful with Natasha, my heart still broke for the children. The closer it gets to us leaving, the harder it is for Luda. Now that we are about to leave, more children are coming to me. It is a good thing and I love it, but it makes my heart ache even more. They want a family. No matter how they act and if people think they are good or bad, they all want one thing. They want to be loved and have a family of their own.

All of you know Edik as I talk of him often. He was in Grisha's class. He is still there along with Jenya and Vladik from Grisha's class. After next year, these boys are gone. They will be on the street and trying to make a life for themselves. They will not have the training or life skills to make it on their own. Edik is part of a sibling group of five children. There are not many people that want to take on five children so his chances of being adopted are very slim. My heart cries out for him. His little brother has started coming to me lately. I already love Edik and now his brother is stealing my heart. I so wish I could take them, but I can't. We already have five children and I know we can't take this five. But, I will not stop praying that a family will come for them. Here are some pictures of the boys.

Edik's little brother and Kolya (cute Kolya is off limits...YAY)

Edik when he received his new shoes from Grisha

Edik's little brother, Natasha, and Kolya

Jenya with his new shoes from Grisha. Poor baby is sick with a cold right now. So is Kolya and many of the children.

I am going to close with a picture of Natasha Joy Fumia the day of the Valentine's Day Concert. She is our one and only princess.

Catching you up to date

2011-02-25T10:59:00.002-07:00

The next day, Natasha seemed so much better. She was in another concert and did great. She sang so precious and danced. She is just the cutest little thing. :) After she performed, instead of waiting behind the curtain while the other kids performed, she came and sat by us in the auditorium. That was really nice and I felt she was happy we were there. I love it when she catches my eye and just gives me the biggest smile. Even though it really isn't physical yet (except our "hi" and "bye" hugs, it is still bonding when she looks at me and smiles. I will take it for sure. :)

JC left that night on a train to Kyiv. He will be home tomorrow night. I am so excited he will see the boys. Gabriel can barely stand it. He is counting down the days until his daddy comes home.

The next morning I received a call from Vanya saying the nurse called him wanting me to pick Natasha up some antibiotics. When I arrived at the pharmacy, I called Vanya to translate what I needed to get. The pharmacist was so sweet and said "goodbye" to me in English. I arrived at the orphanage with the medicine and Sveta ran down the hall into my arms. I was also greeted by Vladik who always gives me a big kiss with his hug. Edik and Jenya saw me and each gave me hugs. Kristina (who has grown way too much since 2009) says "hi, Ashley" but doesn't hug me as much as she did back then. I was greeted by many children as I walked down the hall. It is so sweet because they all call me by my name. When they are doing something, it is just like my boys at home begging for my attention. These children say, "Hey, Ashley!!" and want me to look at them as they are climbing on a wall or doing anything. They call out my name and I look at them and they just smile. They want to be seen. They want to know they are worthy. They want someone to be proud of them.

Natasha was not around because she was back in the medical part of the orphanage. When I arrived back there she was sleeping and embarrassed that she fell asleep. She was so precious and kept smiling at me. She had been cross stitching (a little cat, of course...her favorite animal) and fell asleep. I could tell she was really sick. The day before she was doing so well and I thought she was better, but this day, she seemed sicker than I'd ever seen her. She kept trying to smile, but she was so weak and had no color about her. She was completely washed out and drained physically. It was hard for me to see her so sick. At home, I can hold our child and cuddle with them when they are sick. Natasha is not ready for that yet. I long for the day when she will allow me to just love on her.

We walked to the medical room and gave the nurse the medicine I just picked up at the pharmacy. She said, "Nyet!" I called Vanya because obviously she was not happy with what I got. He spoke to her and she gave the phone back to me. He said it is another nurse on duty now and she said Natasha has to have injections and not tablets. So, she wrote everything down for me what I needed to get. I treaded back out in the freezing cold weather walking on ice (oh I forgot to tell you that I busted my behind on the ice a couple days before- it was so embarrassing...these guys were walking behind me and tried to catch me...oh how horrible...but I laughed so hard probably for the next 30 minutes). Back to the story - I got back to the pharmacy and gave them the paper with the list of things I needed. I brought back a bag full of syringes and boxes of medicines. I prayed the whole way there and back as I shed tears for my daughter. I didn't like seeing her this way and I was praying for God to make her well.

When I arrived back in the nurse's office, she went through each piece and shook her head saying, "Da". I knew it was what she wanted and Natasha just sat in the chair and gave her sweet smile to me...whew...

I feel bad she has to get shots of the antibiotics, but she said it is okay because it will make her better. When we were back in the room she was sleeping in, I sat next to her on the bed. Sveta sat on the other side of her. I said to Sveta, "Let's pray for Natasha." She did not know what I was saying in English so I played charades a second to show her what I said. Natasha and Sveta understood charades as they are used to it by now because that is how I have to speak...haha They both bowed their heads and I put my hand on Natasha's back. I just prayed a simple prayer and made it quick. I was glad that Natasha let me pray for her. I know they didn't understand what I was saying, but I hope they felt the presence of God and believed with me for healing.

Right after that, Dima, Edik, and Jenya walked in. They stayed in there with us the rest of the time. It was nice watching the children talk to each other. I also was able to get Edik and Jenya's shoe sizes. Vladik was not in there for me to get his size so I hope to do that soon. Next week is my very last week in the orphanage - very hard to believe. This is what Grisha wanted to get his friends - new shoes. Poor Edik. His shoes were way too small for him. I do not know how he is able to wear them. I know it has to hurt his toes. We found this out when we adopted Grisha. The boys really need shoes. I did not stay long because Natasha needed to rest and she still had a fever. I hugged and kissed her forehead goodbye as I always do and Dima and I left. We went to eat at Top Sandwich and then we went to the Adidas Outlet Store. You can buy 2 items and get the third free. So, I bought Dima, Edik, and Jenya shoes for the price of two. They were Adidas and only $20-30/pair...very good deal.

I was going to bring them the shoes today, but I am not feeling well. I chose not to go to the orphanage and to stay in all day. I am hoping by not getting out in the cold that I will get better before it gets worse.

I received a text message from Masha's family and they said Natasha looks great and feels great today!!! Praise the Lord!!! I am so happy and I give Him all the glory and honor and praise!!!

The day of Feb 22, 2011 (court day)

2011-02-25T09:33:00.002-07:00

Where to start...where to start...

How about some details from the day of court?

We went to pick Natasha up and she was still confined to the medical part of the orphanage. It isn't bad actually. She gets to rest in a room that has four little beds and there is a separate dining room back there where she gets to eat. I think she likes it. She gets to get away from other children and have some peaceful time. I mean, it is not fun being sick, but at least she doesn't have to deal with the noise.

We waited for her to eat and the nurse let us sit on a bench in the medical room. We had her outfit ready on hangers and we anxiously waited for her to come back. She soon came in and we gave her the outfit to go put on. She came back in the room proudly displaying her new clothes. She was so funny because as we walked down the halls, we passed the cafeteria and she had to go in and prance around for people to see her outfit. I could tell she walked differently around her friends as they ate. I am sure there was some pride about what we were about to do, but I think she mostly wanted them to see her. It is a simple outfit, but she loves it more than anything she has been given. I think she has more confidence when she wears it and maybe because it is something of her own.

Svetlana (we do know her and she is super nice!) is the assistant director who went with us to court. We squeezed in the taxi and Natasha sat in Svetlana's lap. When we arrived, the director was getting out of her car. We waited for her and she walked in with us. She could not legally represent the orphanage in the case because she is on vacation, but she wanted to be present anyway. Svetlana did it all and did a great job.

When we got to the courthouse, Natasha leaned on Svetlana and stayed in her lap. She started to become distant even before court started. Although court went well and they announced us as her parents, it was still tough for Natasha. The social worker got up and talked about how Natasha's mother didn't want her and abandoned her at the maternity home. That there is no father and the mother just put a random name down. She said it could be that name, but that it is most likely not. A man was never around and never came forward as the father. The social worker stated that no one has wanted her or come for her in 13 years. I knew it hurt for her to hear all of this and it hurt my heart as well knowing she was hurting. I put my hand on her arm a few times to comfort her, but she didn't seem to notice. With Grisha's adoption, they had him go out of the room. They did not speak about his past in front of him. Every person that spoke agreed this was the best thing for Natasha that she be adopted into our family.

We went to wait in the hallway while they made their decision. Natasha still stayed in Svetlana's arms and clung to her. She talked a little about being scared of the plane ride. She has said this before and I think she is giving herself anxiety over it. I think she is more scared of the airplane then America itself. I tried explaining that I get scared sometimes, too and it will be just fine. We were called back into the courtroom and pronounced as Natasha's parents. She was pronounced as Natasha Joy Fumia. :)

I was very emotional and went over and hugged a lady (I guess she is a paralegal, but never saw her type anything). I thanked her as I hugged her and she was touched. She kept smiling at me and I think she almost cried herself. Then, I walked over to the judge and hugged and thanked her. She was so grateful and began speaking to me in Russian. I actually have no idea what she was saying, but I do know they were kind words. She was so sweet and kept smiling and hugged me back. We all walked into the hallway and I hugged the prosecutor, social worker, director, and assistant director while thanking them all. The social worker cried, too.

Natasha still didn't want us to hug her or touch her in any way. Everyone was congratulating her, but she seemed to be in shock. I also think she was feeling sick again. She was still in and out of fever so I am sure being sick made it all worse. But, I can't imagine having to listen to the words about no one wanting her. I am sure she knew that, but just having to hear it in a room full of people has to be really hard. Court was bitter sweet. Although we were happy that Natasha was our daughter officially, it drained her emotionally and me as well.

Downstairs, Svetlana was writing her consent for some paperwork that we needed. Since she completed it at the courthouse, we were able to get a lot of things done after we left.

I am sad to say that we do not even have a picture of that day. We cannot take pictures in the courthouse and when we went outside, the taxi was waiting for us. We had to hurry and drop Natasha and Svetlana off at the orphanage. It was very different with Grisha. We had custody of him the night before court and never had to take him back. It is the same director, but different mood. We were able to go out to eat with him and celebrate. This time, Natasha was feeling really bad and we had to run get adoption paperwork done.

Back to the taxi ride.... Natasha did not look well and I saw her crying when she thought no one was looking. I felt helpless. I just wanted to hold her and she didn't want me. I know I can't take it personal, but it hurts so much as a mother. I cannot imagine what she is going through. I will give her time and pray she will see me as her mother before too long.

That night, JC cooked hamburgers for some of our friends that came over. They weren't that great because he accidentally made ground pork instead of beef. I think one of the packages were beef and the other two were pork. He used a little processor/grinder thing to make the ground meat. He is a great cook, but these just didn't do his skills justice. It was okay, though. We still had fun and played cards for the first time since we have been here. Vanya was busy typing up our court decree. He says "only in Odessa" do they make you type up your own court decree. They have not made him do that in any other region. So, he had a lot of work to do and also had to translate it into English. He wanted to get it done so he could turn it in first thing the next morning so we would have it by next Friday. But, it was a great night with friends. Misha stopped by for a little bit and it was nice seeing him, too.

As JC and I went to bed, I thought of Natasha. I had a feeling she was crying herself to sleep in that very moment.

Heading home week after next!

2011-02-24T02:27:00.003-07:00

I still have not written out the details from court. I have actually been emotionally drained since court. JC left last night and he will have his appointment in Kyiv at the U.S. Embassy in about 2 hours. He made it fine on the train and is staying with sweet friends there we have made. They are taking good care of him.

Keep praying for Natasha. We provided her with medicines on Saturday and the nurse had us go to the pharmacy on Monday to get more meds. Now, she just called and needs us to get her antibiotics. Natasha seemed better yesterday, but I am guessing it is something more serious that needs antibiotics. We are praying and believing for a full recovery.

We may be heading to Kyiv next weekend to finish up!!! The Embassy is closed on Tues the 8th so we may not get out of the country until Thurs the 10th. Our appointment is Monday, March 7th but if we do not get visa that day, our next appt will not be until Wed. But, we are moving along and will be home toward the end of the week around the 10th. I am excited to be home for JC and my anniversary which is March 18th. :)

Keep believing with us that we get everything we need next Friday when I pick up Natasha so we can head to Kyiv and keep our appointment that Monday. :) I am so happy to go home with Natasha and see my boys!!!!!

Thank you, Jesus!!!!!

I just found this song and I LOVE IT!!!!

Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready. And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, "Write: Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!" And he said to me, "These are the true sayings of God."

Natasha Joy Fumia's birth announcement into our family

2011-02-22T14:08:00.003-07:00

WE HAVE A DAUGHTER!!!! Natasha Joy Fumia became a member of our family today. We are tired right now. We can barely keep our eyes open but we wanted to let you know that court went well. Tomorrow is a really busy day but I will do my best to post tomorrow night. Thank you for your prayers and keep praying for Natasha. She is still sick. We love you all and good night.

Soon and very soon

2011-02-22T04:12:00.003-07:00

With the way the days fall, we will get custody of Natasha next Friday!!! I am so excited! Vanya said that is why he wanted our court date for today because this way it knocks off some days...yippee!!!!

Keep praying for court. It was changed to 3:30pm instead of 4:30pm so we will be going to the orphanage in just a bit to pick Natasha up. Vanya says the judge is super nice. He said she is very nervous and scared because she has never done an adoption before. He said it is funny because last time we were scared because we had never done it before and this time the judge is scared because she has never done it before. But, we are not scared at all this time.

Pray for Natasha and any anxiety or fears she may have about court. Thanks so much!!! Next post we will have a new daughter!

Court is today!

2011-02-21T23:45:00.002-07:00

Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

This is the verse God kept giving me before we left for Ukraine. That whole week before we flew out, I was seeing this verse everywhere. God would have me come across it in the Bible. I would see it on different days on peoples' statuses on facebook. I would hear it in a sermon. I could not get away from this verse if I tried. We also just received a message from our cousin that said, "God goes before you." She was referring to Deuteronomy, but it was still saying the same thing. God is definitely telling me something.

Even though we are half way through the process, I have needed this reminder more than ever. I must remember that God is fighting for us. We will be still and allow Him to fight in this battle.

Natasha is sick. Please keep praying for her. She has a fever now and the nurse had us go to the pharmacy and get certain kinds of medicines against the flu. We were able to get her to eat a little cabbage and some verinikey (sp?). But, I thought it had meat in it when I bought it at the cafe. It had cherries...haha I think she ate all of those...lol She liked those even better. She did not want to eat at first and you know that is not like her. I am glad she got something down and she seemed better. She said her head was hurting, but a little later she was jumping rope. That gives me pain thinking about having a headache and jumping. So, it must have felt better.

We had a fun visit yesterday. We played a game like Jenga and laughed and laughed with Masha's family. It was great. Natasha would come over every once in awhile and make a really good move and then she would go back and do something else.

The nurse took Natasha's temp before we left and it was 100.4. It is still a low grade fever, but hopefully she will be completely better today.

And today is.... drum roll drum roll drum roll.....

The day a judge will announce us as Natasha's Daddy and Mama! And they will announce her new name as a Fumia! :) This is the day that will mark history for us. This is the day that we will have to put on all documents for years to come. The day Natasha was adopted by us - February 22, 2011.

Even though we are officially her parents as of today, we do not get custody of her until 10 (business) days - not counting today. The waiting period starts tomorrow. We cannot move forward in the process until this waiting time is over. Once it is over, we can sign Natasha out of the orphanage FOREVER! We will get the court decree and can start applying for her new birth certificate and passport. Once that is finished, we head back to Kyiv, Ukraine to finish up there. We will go on an overnight train. We will go to the U.S. Embassy and apply for her Visa and do a medical exam. Once we receive the Visa, we can fly home!!!! So, that is the rest in a nutshell.

JC is leaving this week to go back home. Now that court will be over, he is going to have to go back to work. He flies out of Kyiv on Saturday but will have to leave us here in Odessa really soon. We are waiting for the U.S. Embassy to give him an appointment to come and sign paperwork. Appointments are a new thing now. You used to could just show up at the Embassy and get your stuff done. Now, you have to have an appointment for everything. We heard they close on the last Friday of every month which is this Friday. So, he will most likely be on the overnight train tomorrow night if they give him an appointment for Thurs. We are still waiting for their response because they were closed yesterday for President's Day. I talked to them on the phone last week, but they said you had to make an appointment through email. So, this is fun...yeah...

Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Maybe this verse is for someone reading right now. What a great reminder.

I never wanted the day to end

2011-02-21T00:29:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was our best day with Natasha since we have been here. We were supposed to go shopping on Saturday, but Natasha had an earache. She wanted to go Sunday. Please pray for her health. Even though it was a great visit, Natasha coughed a lot at the end of the visit and said her throat was hurting. We went to the Pharmacy and got her medicine which we sent with her to continue taking. I guess her caretaker knew she was sick and said to her, "Your parents need to take care of you and get medicine." We would have anyway, but didn't realize that they were not going to take care of her at all now. If that is the case, then they should let us have custody of her right now so we can make sure she gets well.

Dima and Kolya (Kolya is a sweet boy with the cutest dimples you've ever seen) were able to come with us. Natasha was very excited because Misha and Oksana came with us. Misha is the preacher who is letting us stay in the church office at no cost to us. He is only 34 and him and his wife have 2 young boys. Many children at the orphanage love Misha and his family and they love the kids. Misha drove all of us in his family vehicle and we talked a lot as we drove downtown. We found out many things. The children say the director is very mean. She has been really mean to Dima and Natasha says she is horrible. I thought she liked Dima because she trusts him to take care of her children. If I didn't like someone, I surely wouldn't allow them to care for my children. Anyway, she has been treating him horribly and saying to him, "Why are you selling children?" I feel so bad for him because he just loves all people and wants to help everyone. He is 19 (almost 20 now) and never got adopted. We were too young by Ukrainian law to adopt him and many families wanted him, but never followed through. He fell through the cracks and it broke my heart. We have kept in contact with him and although this has to be hard for him that we are here choosing another child, he still rejoices with her and us. It cannot be easy for him. He knows it is best that the children have families and for this lady to say he is selling children is far from the truth. They are just hurtful words.

We learned there are 2 assistant directors. One is mean and one is nice they said. We have certainly experienced the mean one, but apparently not met the nice one. The nice one grew up an orphan so she has first hand experience of what the children go through. She is over academics. The mean one is over discipline. She just hollers and hollers. That is all she does to us and the children. She hated us when we adopted Grisha and the feelings for us are still there this time.

So, that was the conversation on the way to the store...haha Dima and Natasha held nothing back. Kolya was in the third row back playing with the younger children.

The store we took the kids to was so awesome. It was a big toy store. Kind of like a Toys R Us and it had 3 floors. The children had never in their lives been to a store like this. It was such a treat for them. It warmed my heart to see how happy they were and to see their faces light up. They have a room where you hang your coats up and you are given a number. You turn in the number to retrieve your coat. Kind of like at church. You give your kiddie keeper to retrieve your child. :) I liked the idea and you don't have to walk around with heavy winter gear to deal with.

They had baskets with a car attached so Natasha pushed little Matthew as he drove his car proudly. We headed to the third floor to find Natasha an outfit for court. My sister sent us a dress for Natasha but the arms were too short. That was the only problem. The rest of it fit great. JC and I thought it would have been fine to wear one time. The arms weren't THAT short. They were just a little short, but she said, "No" when we asked if she could just wear it once for court. It is funny because the boys would have been fine with that. But, it is completely different with a girl. There were other girls who are dying to have the dress. They love it so much. So, we left the dress along with a few pairs of jeans we brought at the orphanage. All the pants fit in the waist, but they are too short. They were sizes 8 and 10. So, we are going to have to go up a size and have them swimming on her in the waist.

Back to the store story... we headed upstairs and after about 30 minutes, we finally found something. There was not much at all of dress clothes, but she went with simple black pants and a red and white top. She was beaming when she put these on. She loved this outfit and did not want to look anymore. She found what she wanted. She could not stop smiling. She said she can wear her black boots that she already has so we did not have to worry about shoes at the moment. We wanted to buy more clothes so she would have some kind of clothes when I get custody, but there were too many people and that would have taken much longer. It already seemed forever to find one outfit so I will just have to take her when it is just us. Dima and Natasha watched the total and they acted like we spent a lot of money. Which to them I guess was. I thought it was cheap. The price came to 200 grivna which is under $30...around $28. But, it was so funny to see their faces when it came to 200 grivna. They seemed shocked that we spent that much on her, but she was so proud and kept on smiling about her new clothes.

We went back to the first floor. There was a little merry go round that was giving free rides. Natasha put little Matthew on there and he rode about three times. Oksana, Misha, and Kolya were still on the 3rd floor purchasing Kolya a shirt. JC and Dima were looking at toys. Matthew liked watching the lego display so Natasha and I stayed with him. Then we walked over and looked at stuffed animals with Dima and JC. The other part of the gang came down and Kolya, Natasha, and Matthew started playing with a train set that was out on a train table. Oksana and us looked at toys we have in the U.S. but they were in Russian. I was so excited to listen to the kid songs in Russian and that gave me ideas for our little ones back home. I can't buy them all, but I hope I can go back and buy a few to bring home. I so want our little ones to learn Russian. Natasha came over and played the songs over and over. She loved the toys and instantly became a preschooler. She never had anything like this in her life.

Natasha did so well with Matthew. She held his little hand as we walked and he always wanted to be with her. As I watched her with him, I could see her with Jacob and Gabriel. She really likes little children and they love her just as much. She is also the same with Nataliya's little boy Daniel. Nataliya was Grisha's 5th grade teacher. I will show you a picture of her soon. She loves Grisha and Natasha. She has a little boy who is almost 2. He loves Natasha and she loves him.

After we left, we went to eat pizza. Natasha was amazed looking at everything in the mall. She loved this big ball especially. It was hanging from the ceiling. She talked about it a lot. She liked looking at the paintings on the wall in the restaurant and Dima was happy to show her around. She could not sit still waiting for the pizza. She had to walk around and look at everything. It was precious. She had so much joy and I never wanted to take her back to her life at the orphanage.

We sat and talked and ate. Matthew slept. :) I have never seen a little girl eat so much. Everyday she eats and eats and eats. We bring her lunch and she eats all of it. Masha's family brings food and she will eat theirs like she hadn't eaten yet. I wonder how she can eat any more, but when it is in front of her, she definitely eats it. :) I remember Grisha being the exact same way. He ate like he had never eaten before. Maybe that is how he gained 21 pounds in about 8 months, grew 8 inches taller in 1 1/2 years, and his foot grew like 4 shoe sizes. The boy is like 6 feet tall now!

Misha called Natasha's teacher to check in and she said to have fun and take our time. She said everything is fine. There is a grocery store on the first floor of the mall where JC and I shop. We took the children to buy cookies to go back to the church and have tea. We went back and made hot tea for everyone. Natasha sat by me and told us stories. She told of two boys that snuck out to go swimming in the Black Sea. Their names were Sasha and Volva. One was slipping off the pier and the other grabbed him to help him. The one that was saving the other, ended up falling in. He drowned. Natasha kept saying it over and over that he was the one helping, but ended up dying. She said she was with him in the same orphanage for 10 years. They grew up together from very small children. She tried to smile as she held back her tears. It is so hard to imagine the pain these children have to deal with. They just hold it inside and do not have parents to cry with and lean on. They are so used to that their whole life that it is even hard when they do get parents to really understand they can let it out. It takes awhile to build trust and for them to learn what love is. But, oh it is so beautiful to watch them grow and blossom. I wish everyone could experience adoption. What a picture of our adoption in Christ. It never fully unfolded to me until we adopted Grisha. I see so many things in the spiritual that is going on in the natural.

Natasha helped clean up and she brought dishes to me as I washed them. It was late and we needed to get the children back. Natasha had started coughing a lot and we stopped on the way to get her some medicine. We talked with some of the children while we waited to give 2 of the staff members a ride home. While we were in the hallway, there was an older teenage girl sitting on the floor. A lady came out and kept yelling at her. She was in serious trouble. Apparently, she had been spreading lies and as a result of her lies, a 9th grade girl is getting beat up by boys. After having such a wonderful day, I was back in the reality of my daughter's current home. This is reality for them and their life is hard and absolutely horrible. They are striving for attention and love. Kids get beat often by other kids. It is a fact of life and every single one of them live in survival mode.

The two ladies we drove home were Natasha's supervisor and the one that was doing the yelling. She explained why she was yelling. She also talked about how happy she was that the children are getting adopted. She said she has worked at the orphanage for 2 years and has seen 11 children get adopted by Americans. So, she thanked us for coming and adopting. She told us what we are doing is a wonderful thing.

It is already 11:30am and I really need to eat so I better get off of here. It is taking forever to type this because our "E" is messed up on the laptop and it seems everything has an "e" in it.

They need you

2011-02-21T00:25:00.001-07:00

Please go read this post now. Thanks.

http://sixsunflowerseeds.blogspot.com/2011/02/real-peoplereal-stories.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+SunflowerSeeds+(Sunflower+Seeds)

Did I mention how cold it is here? 75 at home and freezing here!

2011-02-18T00:33:00.002-07:00

We brought Natasha and her friends a big pizza from the restaurant about 15 min from the internat. It was cold from the weather by the time we got it there, but they didn't seem to mind. Natasha made sure she saved Dima a piece because he didn't arrive until awhile later.

We had a great visit. We did a Care Bear Puzzle and I told Natasha I used to watch Care Bears when I was little. I also had one of them that I slept with at night. I thought it was Sunshine Bear, but I just remembered that my sister had that one. I had one that had a moon on it I think. After we finished the puzzle, we played Yahtzee that had Disney characters. We played that several times throughout the day. Even when we were in the art room, Masha wanted me to get it back out and play with her. Masha LOVES that game. She had so much fun playing it. Natasha played it about twice.

We hung out in the art room for about an hour and I never tire of being in there. The teacher is so positive and up beat. She is kind and loves the children. Masha and Natasha made us some hot tea and gave us chocolates. Natasha made a lizard out of beads and gave it to us. Dima worked on stuffing a cat. Sveta worked on adding more beads to her tree. Masha and I played the game a couple more times. Masha's supervisor came in and we visited with her some. She sat and made something with beads as she laughed and talked. She asked questions about Grisha and we talked some. She laughed at JC's joke. When Natasha gave us the lizard she just made, JC said that would make a good bait for fishing. Natasha said, "Nooooooo"...haha Later on while we hung out in the hallway with some children, JC was looking at the lizard and said, "Really, she may be onto something here. She could be our bait maker and these could really work. We could go into business." He is funny. Natasha does not think it's funny that her dad wants to use her art as bait. Oh, well...he tried. :)

The children like to jump rope. I wish I could get them some good jump ropes - maybe with an actual long rope. They have a little plastic one right now. Dima showed his skills in the hallway, taking turns with Natasha and Jenya. Dima can turn the jump rope so fast that it turns twice, but he only jumps once. Not sure you can fully understand by reading that, but I was impressed. I should have gotten a video of it. I have never seen anything like that before. Jenya can do some kind of trick that I don't even know how to explain it in words. I should have just gotten a video.

Natasha is warming up to us more everyday. We have found that she doesn't seem to like it much when JC sits by her. She doesn't say that, but we can tell by her actions. She won't stay there long and then gets up and moves. She does not mind being by him if they are doing something like playing a game or working on English. But, if he just goes and sits by her on a couch, she will not stay long. I worried about that before we adopted Grisha. I knew he only grew up with women caregivers and men he saw for shorter periods of time. Men come in for awhile and hang out, but he interacted with women way more his whole life. I was worried Grisha wouldn't open up to his dad fast, but he did great. I think by the second day he was getting piggy back rides. Maybe because he is a boy and Natasha is a girl. Here we are again faced with another child who has been raised by women, but I can tell she is a little bit uncomfortable still with her new dad. I know it is still new and she will get better around him. She hugs him goodbye just fine and when we arrive everyday, but it is just something about when he comes and tries to sit next to her. Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there. Maybe you will want to pray that she will not feel uncomfortable in any way with her dad. I can't imagine being 13 and getting a dad. I am sure I would feel uncomfortable, too.

After we left, we went to our friends' apartment and had good food and good fellowship. It was a nice time to relax, eat, and talk. We left about 10pm and waited about 20 minutes for a bus to come and take us home. As we waited, we watched the snow fall. It picked up while we were on the bus and we could see everything turning white outside. We arrived home at 11pm. I got on facebook for a second, but had to hand JC the computer because I was fading fast. I woke up about 4am and could not go back to sleep until 5:30am. I finally rolled out of bed around 9am. It is still snowing this morning.

I apologize I have not written as much on here. I haven't even had time to work on my books. I thought I would have all this time to write. JC is leaving next Saturday to fly home and hopefully I will be able to get some things done. I will be alone for awhile until I get custody of Natasha. I am going to miss him so much, though. We have been on a honeymoon and this has been great for us. But, I need to have this time alone with God and my writing and he needs to get back to work.

Hope you are all doing well. We love you and thank you for continuing on the journey with us.

Videos for Grisha

2011-02-18T00:21:00.002-07:00

Bring Karina Home

2011-02-17T01:30:00.003-07:00

I just found a blog about a girl who needs a home. Please go read about her and pray for a Christian family to come ASAP. Please do not let her fall through the cracks like so many others do. Read all the way down on the blog to learn about her. This is a family raising funds to provide for the family that steps up. They already have a tax deductible donation thing set up. If you can't adopt her, please consider donating to help a family bring her home. Thanks so much and let's find this girl a family.

http://bringkarinahome.blogspot.com/

As of Feb 3rd, $3,000 had been raised to go towards her adoption. That is a homestudy and USCIS paperwork completed right there. That is everything you need to get started.

2011-02-17T00:40:00.001-07:00

We are doing just fine financially so I am going to take the thermometer off so no one thinks we still need funds. We were able to stay in Odessa for free so that saved a ton of money. We have enough for everything and to get home. Thank you all so much for your support in getting us here to adopt Natasha.

Praying for more people to come

2011-02-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

It was a good day today. First of all, thank you for all of your prayers. The Medley's court day went great and they officially have a new daughter! Praise the Lord! An orphan is an orphan no more! She will never have that label on her ever again.

When we arrived at the social services office, we were brought with a few people into a court room. They asked us questions for about twenty minutes. They could not understand why we would want to adopt an older girl. My answer to them was, "Doesn't she need a family just as much as a baby girl?" They had nothing to say in response to that. They asked many questions about Grisha and our other children. They looked through the pictures as they talked with us. They asked questions about Natasha and how we were connecting with her. They wondered why we wanted five children. They said it is rare here in Ukraine to have a big family. They said, "good for you." Then they called Grisha on Skype and asked him questions. We were on the other side of the room so we couldn't see him or talk to him. They were satisfied after speaking with us and speaking with Grisha. They would have the paper ready in one hour!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! As we waited for the signature, we went and ate pizza. Pizza tastes so much better to me here than in America. There is not much sauce, but the flavor is outstanding. I can't even explain it in words. You just need to have it for yourself to see what I mean. While we were waiting, we got the call that it was finished so Vanya left to pick it up. He came back and finished his pizza. He then left to get on the train and we headed back to see Natasha again.

We saw her earlier and had a nice visit. We went around the room and Natasha, Sveta, and Luda taught JC and me the Russian words for things around the room. They would teach us the word and we would teach it to them in English. It was fun and we would laugh at each other as we all learned new words. After we came back from the social services office, Natasha brought us to the art room. We love going to that room. There is a different feel to this room than any other room in the internat. Every time we go to this room, I never want to leave it. The art teacher is so nice and she has the children's art work all over the room. There are many things hanging from the ceiling, on shelves, walls, etc... There are knittings of purses, mittens, bags, etc of what they've made. I love the trees that Natasha and other children made. They have beads as leaves and the tree is in a pot. I saw pictures of Grisha's old class doing art. It had Kristina, Karina, Edik, Marat, Sergey, and many others. It was so nice seeing their faces and knowing how much they've grown and changed since then.

It was a great visit. Natasha took out an English book from her playroom and JC and her went over English words together.

Although it was a wonderful visit and Natasha warms up to us even more every time we come, my heart was very heavy leaving today. While we were in the hall walking back from the art room, we saw a sweet girl who we have talked to before. She likes to use her English around us. She walked with us and said she does not have a Mama or Papa and she wants a family. I asked her how old she was and she said she is 16...17 in Sept. I felt helpless and didn't know what to say. I have no idea if a family is in the process of adopting her, but most likely not since she is almost 17. I have not heard of a family coming for her. She is such a sweet girl and how do you look her in the face and tell her it is too late? My heart aches for her and the other children that are too "old" to be adopted by Americans. It is America's law that you cannot adopt over 16 because they will not issue the Visa for them to come. I am not sure if she has younger siblings and that would be the only way she could still get adopted. I feel sick when I think about the ones that are left behind and no one ever comes for them. They don't understand why you come for the other ones and never for them. My heart just breaks and I don't even know what else to say.

As we were walking out, we saw some of our favorite boys smoking outside. They tried to point the finger at the other ones and tell us they weren't doing it. I keep telling them to please not do it as it is turning their insides black. They say they understand, but I know as long as they stay there that they are going to keep doing it. And it will only get worse for them. These are great boys and please keep praying that families will come for them. They are at a crucial age and need to get out of here ASAP...Actually, like yesterday! Please let us know if you are a Christian family and want to know about these available children.

As you can see, we had a great day with a hurdle that was overcome. But, it was also a sad day being faced with the reality of life for the children here.

Videos for Grisha

2011-02-16T02:42:00.002-07:00

More pictures from Feb 15, 2011

2011-02-16T02:41:00.002-07:00

Basketball pictures

2011-02-16T01:42:00.002-07:00

Isn't she the cutest little girl you've ever seen? I know I am biased, but I only have one girl so I can say that. I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world and I am sure every parent thinks that of their daughter. :)

A little snag

2011-02-16T01:16:00.002-07:00

Working on some slideshows now and they should be up soon. :)

Well, I JUST said yesterday that everything was running so smoothly and fast. The same day I said that, it changed. When we are at the internat, JC was going to keep his phone on him in case Vanya needed us. Well, he completely forgot when we went up to the gym to play basketball. He left it down in the locked room. We were in the gym a good while and then went to the ping pong room. Nataliya (who was Grisha's caretaker a few years ago came in the room with our friend Alyona on the phone). Alyona said Vanya had been trying to get a hold of us for 30 minutes. We felt so bad because JC told him he would be available right away if we were needed. So, we ran downstairs to the room and called him. Here is the thing...

The lady from social services wants to talk to Grisha to make sure he is happy before she will sign the papers. They received pictures 2 days ago of our family and of Grisha playing with his brothers, but she said she cannot believe pictures. She said we could have just made up those pictures and how does she know Grisha is even alive? This is the same group that will not talk to Vanya on his personal cell phone because they feel it is tapped. They definitely have some issues they need to deal with.

They want to skype with Grisha so they can see him on camera the same time they are talking with him. Vanya waited in the hallway 3 hours for them to call Grisha and then they came out at 8:30pm and said it was too late and they would call him tomorrow at 3pm (which is today).

When we talked to Vanya at the internat, they wanted to call Grisha right then. So, we were trying to get everything for them in order so they could call from skype. It was very frustrating and they rushed us and didn't even call last night.

Please pray for us in this moment. This part is stressful for me. All we need is their signature. Vanya was supposed to be on the train to Kyiv last night to bring our paperwork to the SDA. He could not get on the train because he has to be there today when they call Grisha. He called the SDA and he was able to send some other documents by train last night. They are going to work on those while they wait for the social worker's signature. As of right now, our court is still on if these people sign the documents today. If they don't, we can have some serious problems. But, they are refusing to sign until they speak with Grisha and seen him via skype to know he is happy.

Also, pray they sign the papers TODAY! While you are praying, please lift up the Medley family. They are adopting Natasha's friend Masha and they have court today. This is a very exciting day for them. On this day, a judge will say they are the new parents of Masha and are requesting her name to be changed to theirs. How exciting!!! I am so happy for them. What a beautiful family they are!! They are just so sweet.

Looking for Edik

2011-02-16T00:59:00.004-07:00

Cara - I do not know that boy in the back at 6:14. The only Edik I know is at 5:47 on the right. I am sorry. I haven't seen your Edik at #4. There are only 61 kids left at #4. He may be at a different internat now. Can someone please look at 6:14 in the video from SACS and see if they know where the boy all the way in the back at 6:14 is? Thanks so much. Maybe someone will know him and can help locate him. The video was taken at Camp Viktoria and there are children there all summer from many different orphanages. Hopefully someone will know him.

Court is next week!

2011-02-15T00:08:00.004-07:00

The adoption process has been going so much faster than the first time we adopted. Vanya met with the judge yesterday and she said she has the 22nd available to have our court hearing! That is only a little over 2 weeks since we flew into Ukraine! With Grisha, it was 3 1/2 weeks before we had court. We prayed so much for this process to go smoother and faster and so many others are praying the same thing. We have not run into any problems.

We met with the prosecutor yesterday and showed her pictures of our family and let her know that Grisha is doing well. We did not do this when we adopted the first time and I like this better. Vanya likes it better this way, too. If we meet with this office ahead of time (way before court), we can make sure there will not be any problems that could arise later. She went through all the paperwork and made her copies. She asked us questions about Grisha and Natasha. She was very nice. With our last adoption, the prosecutor did not meet us until the court hearing and only knew about us from paperwork. She meets you before you walk in the court room and that is not really a fair judgement of getting to know you. This way, she gets to know you in her private office and ask anything she wants to know. It went really well.

She signed the paperwork and we were able to run to the social worker's office to turn it in. :) We weren't sure they would allow us to come immediately after or make us wait until the next day, but they said to come on. So, we called a taxi and rushed over there to get them the paperwork.

So much got accomplished in one day and we are very pleased with the progress. Our judge is a lady and Vanya says she seems to be nice.

Natasha was so sweet yesterday. We brought her a bag of Valentine gifts and she loved it. We had a stuffed animal kitty cat in there (cats are her favorite animal). She kept holding it and looking at it. She showed anyone that walked in her cat. She had to leave for a bit to get dressed for her concert, but when she came back, she got the kitty out again. She kept holding it near her and petting it. When she is alone with us, she seems to be more of a little girl that needs love and attention. When she is with her friends, she doesn't seem to need us as much..haha I think it is that way with most children, too. :)

Yesterday was also the first day she said she loved me, too. I always hug her and tell her I love her. She usually just smiles. But this time she made an effort to try to tell me it back. She said, "I love too". She was wearing a beautiful dress and Masha's mom was able to get a picture of her for us. We are still having problems with our camera and we are getting ready to go see if we can find a cheap camera here somewhere. I am missing so many moments and need a camera that I do not have to worry about it working only when it wants to.

2011-02-12T14:34:00.003-07:00

We have not had any restrictions from the director. The last 3 families that have been here have been told no pictures or no interacting with the other kids. We prayed about that so much before we came because that was so important to us. We love being around the other children. So, this is a huge thing for us and something we are very excited about.

We bond with Natasha better when we don't have a translator. We discussed it with Vanya about being at the orphanage with us on a daily basis and we preferred for him not to be there. We have found when it is her and us without anyone that can translate, we all seem to bond together better. It may not be like this for everyone that adopts, but for some reason, it has been in our experience.

Even though I said that, it has been fun with Masha's family being there at the same time. I am going to attempt to upload some videos from today.

I am my Beloved's and He is mine!

2011-02-12T03:50:00.005-07:00

You need to hear this word from today...

"And it shall be, in that day," says the Lord, "That you will call Me 'My Husband,' and no longer call Me 'My Master,' For I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals, and they shall be remembered by their name no more. In that day I will make a new covenant for them with the beasts of the field, with the birds of the air, and with the creeping things of the ground. Bow and sword of battle I will shatter from the earth. To make them lie down safely. I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord. It shall come to pass in that day that I will answer," says the Lord, "I will answer the heavens, and they shall answer the earth. The earth shall answer with grain, with new wine, and with oil; They shall answer Jezreel. Then I will sow her for Myself in the earth, and I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy; Then I will say to those who were not My people, 'You are My people!' And they shall say, 'You are my God!'" Hosea 2:16-23

Check this out!

2011-02-11T16:05:00.002-07:00

Alyona is our sweet friend here in Ukraine. I just came across this blog and found this post about them. Please read it and open your hearts to their ministry. I can tell you they are genuine and love the children so much. And they love Jesus!!! Please take the time to read about them.

http://www.finleylifetothefull.com/2011/01/06/alyona-and-slavik-built-rome-in-a-day/

How could we not give it away so freely?

2011-02-11T02:33:00.004-07:00

This is a team that comes to Ukraine every summer. I have become good friends with Pam who loves the kids as much as I do. Please watch this video. They are the ones that taught Natasha the Pharaoh song and you can see in the video where they are doing the motions. I am so happy to know now where she learned the song. JC and I were wondering if it was Pam's group that taught her and it was! That is just too cool. Thanks so much, Pam!!! And Cara - there are a few pictures of Edik in the video. Have your son watch this and see if he can find Edik. I will try to get some pictures of him soon on here, but in the meantime, there are some really good ones and you definitely know it is Edik. They are close up. :)

I am seated in Heavenly places!

2011-02-10T12:28:00.003-07:00

Natasha welcomed us this afternoon with open arms. She was waiting for us at the stairs when we walked in and hugged me tight. She also hugged her dad and it was a complete change from yesterday. Hugs are not a problem anymore for us and I praise God for that. She is more comfortable with us now and this warms my heart. Before we got to the internat she had called us twice (through an interpreter) asking when we were coming. It felt nice because she missed us and wanted us there.

She was all giggles and playing around today. Masha's family was there and it was great to meet them. They are really nice and I look forward to spending more time with them. It was so cool because the translator that was there with them was a girl we met at a church when we adopted Grisha. That was wild...definitely a small world.

Natasha told us on the first visit that she likes to draw. She prefers colored pencils and plain paper so we brought her two notebooks. One was a sketch pad and the other was a blue, hardback spiral notebook with graph paper. Her favorite color is blue so we found a blue notebook with a pretty flower on it. We looked for ones with cats because that is her favorite animal. We didn't find one, but were glad to have found a blue one. :) She smiled and said, "thank you" in English.

A little later when it was just us with Natasha and Dima (yes, we have been seeing Dima and I will post about him soon), she took out the colored pencils and started naming their colors in English. When she says English words, it is so grammatically correct. Her pronunciation is right on. Even if she has never heard a word and ask us what a word is in English, the first time she says it is so correct. I am impressed. She has a great memory and rarely has to have us repeat an English word. When we tell her the word, she remembers it the rest of the visit.

I drew circles with each color and wrote the word beside it. There were some colors she couldn't remember (brown, black, white, and grey) and after we went over them once she remembered them and didn't need to ask again. I also drew shapes and wrote their names beside them. I would point to the picture and say the word for her to repeat. Some of the shapes are hard to pronounce in English, but she said it just perfect. She is a quick learner and everyone we meet tells us how smart she is. We met her supervisor yesterday and she kept hugging me. She is so happy we are here for Natasha. She kept smiling at me and telling me how good of a girl Natasha is. She says she behaves well and is a great student. We hear the same thing about her with everyone we meet.

Natasha drew a picture with us sitting at the table with her. She drew a big heart with eyes, nose, and a mouth. She had a border around the heart that was almost like a cloud. She colored the border section around the heart blue and filled in the heart lightly with red. She wrote at the top of the paper in English "I love you". She then wrote her name Natasha Lozava and then Dima said, "Not Lozava, it is Fumia." She said, "oh oh" and wanted to know how to spell it. We taught her how to spell it and she was proud to write this as her last name. Then, at the bottom of the paper she wrote, "My brother is Grisha and Samuel and Gabriel and Jacob." We had to help her spell the names of the boys, but it was so sweet that she was trying to write out that those are all her brothers. She pointed to each name and counted.... "one, two, three, four, and pointed to herself and said, "five." :) I wish I had a video of it. It was precious. JC and I just smiled at each other. I wanted to cry, but I held up. You would be proud of me. :)

She started singing a song and I have no idea how she knows this song. She even knows the motions to it. It is a Christian kid song and JC and her sang it together and did the motions. We all laughed and it was so much fun. I can't remember the name of the song, but here are some of the words.. "Pharaoh, Pharaoh, oh baby, let my people go...yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" As you are singing, "Pharaoh" you walk like an Egyptian. She would do it and laugh and laugh. When we were leaving, after many hugs, she called out bye and did the Egyptian sign with her arms and laughed. She replaced the wave and did the Egyptian sign as the wave. We just laughed again.

She is so funny. She also sang another song in English earlier in the visit. "Clap, clap, clap your hands. Clap your hands together." It is so cool that she knows these songs.

We saw a completely different girl today and I am on cloud nine. I feel so much better that she has connected more with us. I wish I had pictures from today. Our camera was dead and we could not find the battery charger that we brought. Grisha says he put it in the carry on suitcase, but we never found it. We bought extra batteries tomorrow and will be prepared. Dima took some pictures with his phone, but I am not sure if there is a way we can get them. She actually wrapped her arm around JC during the picture. Such a complete turn around than yesterday. I wish all of it could have been captured on video so you could see how it went.

I have to hurry this post along because it is almost 11pm and we have to wake up early. I still have much to say, but I will sum up this part. We almost didn't take a particular bus home because it stopped when we were across the street. We got caught up at the light so I just said we could take the next one. We crossed the street and it sat there until we got on the bus. I thought it would be full so I was telling Dima and JC not to worry about it because it was probably full already. But, they stepped on the bus and I followed. There weren't many people on it at all and I was kinda shocked about that. We sat in the back all together. A guy in front of us heard us talking and turned around to speak to us in English. Long story short, he is Ukrainian and works with orphans in villages. He also works at Camp Viktoria where our children would spend summers. We know a common person who works with many of the children. Her name is Larisa. He works in Balta, Kilia (have no idea how to spell that) and many different villages. It is so cool because we have children at our church from those orphanages. He is actually going to Kilia this Friday with Larisa. He wants us to go on a mission trip to 2 villages on Feb 26. He says we have to leave very early in the morning because we have to come back on the same day. It is delivering supplies. He works on a team with 2 churches from Maryland. One is Vineyard Church and he couldn't remember the name of the other one. We used to live in MD and this was just so wild meeting a random stranger on the bus. It was not a coincidence and it was totally God. He talked with Dima, too. We exchanged numbers and we are going to see if we can go on the mission trip with them to the 2 villages. I have been wanting so much to go to a village where orphans are. It is so hard for children in the villages. A lot of them only get a bath once a month. I have not gotten the chance to ever go, but desired to and now I may have the chance. God is just SOOOO COOL!!!!!!

Really have to go now because it is so late and I have so much to do still before going to bed.

Our first pictures with Natasha

2011-02-10T12:20:00.004-07:00

Natasha was soooooo nervous as you can tell from the pictures. The camera was not working well so there are a few of the same ones, but these are all from the first meeting. We had the best visit today and I am getting ready to type all about it right after I post these pictures. So, please come back in about twenty minutes to read about our day. I think I am still on a cloud from the visit today. It was just wonderful.

Thank you!!!!

2011-02-10T02:02:00.001-07:00

We received a donation of $215!! Thank you so much!!! Wow!! God is so awesome!!!

Who will love me for me?

2011-02-09T14:36:00.003-07:00

I received this video in an email and I just cried and cried along with the verse he gave me in the same email. I have heard this song over and over as it comes on the radio daily in America. But for some reason, being here and in the midst of so many things, just made me lose it hearing the words to the song. I keep thinking about Natasha and the children in the orphanage. Please listen to these words and if you don't know yourself, the God of the Universe is not some far off God. He can be your Daddy and be right there with you. Accept Him into your life and you will never be the same. You don't need a fancy prayer. It isn't your words...it's your heart. Tell Him you need Him. Accept His offer. He just wants to be with you. He has a love for you that you will never understand and it doesn't matter where you are or what you've done, or even where you're going. He loves you for who you are in this very moment. There is nothing you can do or will ever do that will make Him love you any more or any less. He loves you 100% right now.

Lord Jesus - be with the children I saw today. I love them so very much and I want you to send them a family. Some of them are losing hope because everyday they wake up older. They feel no one will want a teenager like them because they are not a baby. Please let these families see what a blessing an older child would be to their lives. I cannot imagine our family without Grisha. Thank you for leading us to him. How I wish others could see these children need love and attention. They need to be taught about you and how much you love them. You are the one that will never fail them and they need to hear of this. If they just a get a glimpse of your love, they will be running to you because they would never be the same. Let them feel your love right now. Use me to show yourself. I am your biggest fan. I hunger and thirst for you. I desire you, Jesus. I want to be your hands to heal the sick and to cast out demons. I want it to not hurt me if I drink something poisonous. You are in me and nothing has a hold of me. Be my strength. Be my hands. Be my feet. Take on my robe as you did when you came to the earth and died for me. But, you are not in that grave anymore. You are alive and well and living in me. Rip my flesh apart and take over. Let your Spirit guide me right now. I only want to hear what you say. I only want to go where you say to go. Lead my every step. Completely take over every part of me right now. I don't want to do anything without you. You complete me.

Here is the video and the verse I received. It was all perfect timing. I needed this, friend. Thank you for listening to the Holy Spirit and sending me this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgGUKWiw7Wk

"And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover."

We finally met our daughter

2011-02-09T11:08:00.002-07:00

I am so sorry I do not have the pictures yet. I will be able to get them on here tomorrow. I put the camera in Vanya's bag and forgot to get it. He is in the other apartment trying to sleep so I don't want to bother him. But, I will get the camera tomorrow and post what we have.

We arrived by train around 6:15am Wed morning. Misha (Michael the preacher) met us upon arrival. He was so kind to go out there that early on a very cold morning and drive us to the apartment. We are in downtown Odessa near many shops, restaurants, malls, and bus stops. Misha showed us the apartment and a couple doors down is the church where Vanya is sleeping. Sasha lives at the church and he actually sleeps on top of the baptistry. They covered it with some sort of board and that is his bed. He does all of the administrative duties and keeps everything up at the church. Sweet, sweet man. We visited with him tonight. We drank hot tea, ate open face sandwiches, and chocolate. This is a tea drinking country. We have hot tea daily and if someone mentions chocolate or cookies, you have to have tea to go with it. :) I love it. Ukraine is very laid back and simple. That is what I love about it. The simplicity of life....oh how I wish life was this simple in America sometimes. We are a people always in a hurry and gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. People don't seem to mind waiting in a hallway for 45 minutes for someone to do paperwork. We get restless waiting, but most people here are just not in a hurry to do anything. Sometimes that can be a good thing or not so good thing.

Back to Misha...he is a very kind man. He explained that he has the same heart for orphans as we do so he understands why I am here. He and his wife tried to get guardianship for a 16 year old girl, but she decided to stay with her aunt. His heart is so genuine. They help many people and he seems to be concerned with people from all walks of life...whether it be orphans, prostitutes, drug addicts, you name it. I understand him as he understands me. We are believers and this is how Christ loves. It is just in us in our DNA. We have Jesus' DNA and how can we not love all of these people and help them? God has put me in a wonderful place. He ordained this and set me up with these people for a reason. Misha is hoping now that I am here that it will also help get his connection back with the orphanage. You never know. God can work out all the details.

We had just enough time to get showers and get ready after we arrived in Odessa this morning. We walked straight to the social workers office and were there awhile. They called the director of the orphanage and asked when she could meet us. She said right now so we got in a taxi and headed to the internat. Natasha already knew we were coming and was prepared for us. As soon as we got there, we walked right into the director's office and received a warm welcome from her. She was happy to see us and asked how Grisha was doing. It has been so different this time around. With Grisha, it seemed we had a hard time with officials. With Natasha, it seems we have favor with every single one we have come in contact with. Everyone has been so kind. The director explained how wonderful Natasha was and spoke of how great a student she is. Natasha is very smart. She goes to a different school other than the orphanage and is very brilliant. The director said Natasha has been boasting for a month now about her mommy and daddy coming. She said that is all she talks about. The director did not seem to mind and actually seemed happy about it. She likes Natasha and said she was very happy for her. They called Natasha in and she sat down in a chair. I walked over to her to give her a hug, but she didn't hug me back. She was very nervous. I went back to my seat and the director continued talking. After the meeting in there, we went to a room where we could spend time with Natasha one on one. I wish I could say she sat in my lap and let me play with her hair and cuddle with her. But, it wasn't that way. It was awkward and she was really shy. In the director's office and in this room, our eyes would meet and I would smile at her. She would smile back and we would have that connection. That part was great, but the physical connection is not there yet. Every time I would hug her, she would not hug back. Her arms would stay by her side. I know she will warm up to us and I remember Grisha doing the same thing at first when JC would hug him. It was so wonderful the first time Grisha initiated the hug to JC. I think I had tears coming down my face because it was such a big deal. So, we have been through this before and everything is fine now. It will just take time. She said her name proudly when Vanya asked what she wanted her name to be. She said boldly and with much confidence, "Natasha Joy." She said it like she was so proud of this name and that made me feel good. She wrote her letter of consent in front of us. I didn't get to see Grisha write his letter so it was nice to be sitting by Natasha as she wrote a letter saying she wanted to be adopted by us. And she wrote that she wanted to be named Natasha Joy Fumia. :) I got a picture of her writing the letter.

We talked for awhile and she said her favorite color is blue. Ooops - her room is in all pink. We showed her pictures of her room and she seemed to like it even though there was no blue in it. She said she was scared to sleep alone so she is really worried about having her own room. We tried to explain that we could hear her at anytime in the night, but I don't think that helped. I told her if she needed to sleep with us for a bit then it would be okay. I feel so bad for her about being scared to have her own room. She has never been faced with this and I know it is scary for her. She has been in a room with so many girls all her life and this is a first. I thought she would be glad to have her own room, but it is just new and scary right now. She will get used to it and I know in time she will be okay.

She is also worried about not having any friends and about leaving her friends behind. We explained there were many girls at our church from Ukraine around her age, but I think at this point, it is all just scary to leave everything you know behind. She is excited, but just nervous of the unknown. She said Masha is her best friend and wants to know if they will be able to see each other. I told her we would try our best to get them together maybe a couple times a year (it would be great if it is more, but just not sure at this point and can't make promises) because Masha is going to TX. I told her they could talk on the phone and that part made her happy. :)

I don't want it to sound like it didn't go well. It did. It is just she is not used to us yet. It got better when I started talking to a lot of the kids I know. I was giving them hugs and they were hugging me back. They were so excited to see me and I was beyond thrilled to see them. Andrei (from Joshua Alex Tygart's class) hugged me about a hundred times. Oh, I love that boy. He talked about how Josh is helping him and sent him shoes. Vicky - please tell Josh how grateful Andrei is. He is so happy to be in connection with ya'll. He is the sweetest boy. He was so much more open to me this time and kept loving me. Oh, he is so sweet. He also talked about Vernon a lot. He says he prays for Vernon every single day. He said there is not a day that goes by that he does not pray for Vernon. He is really concerned about him. It was great to get luvin' from Vladik, Jhenya, Edik, and some new kids I met. Vladik, Edik, and Jhenya hung out with me for a little bit and I just feel at home with them. These are boys I pray for so much and can't wait for a day when a family comes for them. This is my desire. I met some wonderful children named Luda, Volva, Kolya, and Sveta. Luda stayed with me the most. She is just precious with a dimple on each cheek. Oh, how cute. I would tell her how much I loved her dimples and she would just keep smiling. Volva - oh, I love this one, too (I love ALL of them). I would give him hugs and he would just keep smiling at me. I catch the children looking at me when I am not looking and I wonder what they are thinking. They crave love and attention. I wish I could take them all. It's kind of different because this happened with Grisha as well. The other kids love on me more than the child I come for. When we adopted Grisha, the other kids seemed to bond with me more. Now, it seems that way again. We of course bonded with Grisha and he is an amazing son. But, he was nervous, too. It it the same this time around. I wonder if it is because maybe it is a little unreal when a family actually comes for them. Or maybe it is too real and they do not know how to act when everything they ever wanted has finally come true. This is all of their dream...every single one of them. Even if they never say it. It is their desire to have a family. So, I think maybe it is a little overwhelming when this wish is finally fulfilled. They just don't know what to do. They don't know how to show their feelings outwardly. It will take time and I am sure she will be cuddling with me when it is just her and me on the plane. I think we need this bonding time after JC leaves. I am looking forward to it and I think it will be good for our relationship.

Next post will be about first meeting with Natasha!!!

2011-02-08T05:56:00.003-07:00

We have the referral in hand! We are packing up the apartment and getting on the train tonight to go see Natasha!!!!!!

Ebay and Jewelry Donations

2011-02-07T19:48:00.002-07:00

Ebay auctions brought in $225 and we received more jewelry from French Camp that brought in $57!!! So, we are getting $282!!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!! French Camp you rock!!! You have brought in so much jewelry!!!!

I am not sure if the people from Ebay are reading, but if you are...THANK YOU!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!! God is going to bring us home somehow!!!!!

Cookbook

2011-02-07T19:31:00.003-07:00

I know ya'll are getting frustrated with me. I still have not finished this cookbook. I had every intention of finishing it and getting it out to everyone before I left for Ukraine. Actually, months ago. But, we have been so busy for months and I just have not been able to devote my time to getting it done. I did not realize how big of a job it would be and how much time it would consume. Here is the new plan: I am in Ukraine with NO children and I am aiming to get it finished while in Odessa. I do not know how to do the cover so if someone can design that it would be great. Here is a description...there are lots of recipes from different countries, but there are still lots of American recipes. So, I am not sure if we should call it an international cookbook or what? It would be neat if we could have kids of all colors and backgrounds holding hands and maybe a world in the middle of it. And a Bible verse somewhere on the cover as well. And since I am in Ukraine, I may be able to get a picture of Natasha and us to go in or on the cookbook. That will be a plus in this being delayed...that's not an excuse, but is kinda cool...

So, if you are good with graphics or can draw, please send me any designs (that are not copyrighted) in a word document or a PDF scan. I welcome any and all designs and we can choose what we like best for the cover. Thanks so much!!! I think that is the only thing I will need help with that I CAN'T do by myself. I can ask my friend how to put the rest together. Thanks a bunch!!!

I appreciate you being patient with me. I know a lot of you paid for a cookbook and I promise you will get it. It is not a scam and I am not running off with your money. Your orders helped get us to our daughter and I thank you so much for participating in this fundraiser. You have invested in the life of a child and you will see your seed grow into something so beautiful. I can't wait to see her blossom!!!

Our boys back home...we miss you!!!!

2011-02-07T17:49:00.006-07:00

Here are some pictures of our boys that were just taken. Our friends that are keeping them have one little girl who is four. As you will see in the pictures that they are getting prepared to have a sister...haha I put some of Destiny's descriptions under the pictures.

Gabriel eating ice cream

sorry JC...(cover your eyes) Faith did it and I walked in and caught her! Sorry it was too funny not to photograph. Even Jacob was laughing!!

Choices...choices

Big boy sitting in chair

you reckon Jacob was trying to give Marlie her 12 week shots?

Sprinkles galore!

this was the reward for eating broccoli tonight...although they would've gotten it anyway! Gabriel gagged but said it was worth it! haha

Playing together

he was being a super good salon client

Samuel and Grisha

Yummy

Gabriel being silly

Here we go again...

Jacob

SDA appointment is over with

2011-02-07T02:04:00.005-07:00

We had our SDA appointment and it went fine. We found out that Natasha's mother's name was Svetlana and she was born in 1967. There is no information on the father. The mother was a single mom and refused to take care of her baby. That is the only history we know. So, she has been in the system all of her life. We saw the cutest baby picture. We never saw a baby picture of Grisha, but we were able to see one of Natasha. She had huge wide brown eyes.

The jet lag is getting a little better. I woke up at 1:58am and walked around a little bit. I was afraid I was not going to be able to go back to sleep, but I kept praying for God to just let me sleep because I needed to get rest before this appointment. I guess I was not up too long because I woke up and it was 7:15am!!

We will get the referral tomorrow. They informed us it would not be today like it was with Grisha. That is okay. We will be on the overnight train tomorrow night and will see Natasha on Wednesday. I can't wait to see her and hold her. I want her to know we will love her unconditionally and will never abandon her. She has us now and we are her family.

The pictures above are from SDA appointment and ones from apartment. Vanya is in a couple and Erika is our friend who lives in Kiev. It is so great seeing everyone again. :) We are really enjoying Ukraine and definitely enjoying the food, too. :)

2011-02-06T08:26:00.001-07:00

And thank you for the donations!!! Ya'll are amazing!!! God is good!!!!

3 am and wide awake

2011-02-06T08:11:00.002-07:00

This was a post I wrote earlier in the morning. I was awake from 2am-5:45am. I finally fell asleep and could not get out of bed until 1:00pm. My body is not doing well to this time difference. I hope it does not happen tonight because we have our SDA appointment at 9am. Can't wait!!! I am going to iron our clothes tonight and get everything ready so we are prepared in the morning.

I crashed last night. I was so tired and could not hold my eyes open. I was hoping I would sleep all night. I was sure I would because of how tired I was. Well, even though this is the third time I have been to Ukraine, I am up at 3am every single time. It is 7:31pm back at home and I have been up at least an hour and a half already. I have tried to go back to sleep, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t do it. I am wide awake. This happens every trip. It takes a few days to get used to the time difference. My body is saying it is supper time right now. JC is sleeping so well next to me so I am trying to be quiet and keep it dark.

It was so great to see Vanya. He gave me the biggest hug and it seemed we hugged at least 30 seconds. He was happy to see us and we were just as happy to see him. It is like we are home with him. If we have to be away from home, it is nice that we are with people we love. I am glad we got to see Sasha as well. He is our personal driver in Kiev. We do not need him during most of the stay because we walk, but he is our driver when we have luggage to bring to train station, from airport, to US Embassy (at the end of trip when we return to Kiev), etc… When Kostya told him we were coming back to Ukraine, he said he would drive us for a discounted price. God is so good. Lord, thank you for these great men and thank you for taking care of us while we are here.

We got through security with no problems. They no longer require you to feel out the customs form. It is a new thing. They did away with it completely. It must be very new because even the flight attendant announced that we had to feel out the custom form when we got into the airport. We could not find the forms anywhere. I asked an airport employee where they were and she said they stopped doing that. So, piece of cake. It did not take long at all to get through the passport line and get our luggage. Thank you for all the prayers. Everything went to smooth and I do not think I have ever had flights go so well. The only problem we had were delays in Jackson and that was not really a problem. Since we had that delay, they had to reroute us because we would have missed the connection in Atlanta. We still did not have a lot of time with layovers but we walked fast and were fine.

I am not going to lie…it is great to be back. I am missing the boys, but now that I am here I am relieved. I love hearing all the people speak Russian and I can understand so much of it now. I have heard Russian spoken the last year and a half from our son and it is definitely not foreign to us anymore. It has warmed up a little so it is not too cold to me YET. I know it will be, but enjoying the higher temps of upper 30’s while it lasts. I was prepared to freeze and I actually have dressed too warm. The thick socks are making my feet so hot and I cannot keep the scarf on for long. I probably should not be saying all of this because I will be freezing soon enough.

I like our apartment here in Kiev. We decided to stay close to the SDA because with Kostya and Vanya with us, it still would have been $70/night or more after we got more rooms and/or beds in the dorm. The lady brought down her original price and let us have it for $60/night. It is spacious. It has a full kitchen, living room, and bedroom. I like how a lot of the apartments have a walkway when you walk in the door or some kind of area where you take your shoes off before going into the next room. They even provide slippers if you want to use them. At the end of the hallway, there is a drying rack for your wet clothes. When you turn right, there is another walkway with the bathroom on your right and to the left you can hang coats, hats, etc… It has a mirror, drawers, etc… In the bathroom there is a little washing machine and a bathtub that is really deep. Back out to the walkway, go straight and enter the living room. There is a wrap around couch to the left and to the right is a big comfy chair. If you walk into the living room and turn left, there is the kitchen. Back out to the living room and go straight is our bedroom. There are plenty of dressers and a wardrobe. The wardrobe has mirrors, drawers, and doors to open to hang clothes. It is funny because we are staying in a very girlie pink room. The walls are pink with like embroidered roses on them. Embroidered is not the word but can’t think of how to say it. It is like the textured walls in Arizona that have designs engraved in them. I have found that you can’t judge a book by its cover. I see this every time I come to Ukraine. The hallways are dark and creepy. Actually run down…concrete and cold. There is a tiny elevator that fits all three of us. It wabbles and creeks and you can see and hear anyone on the stairs while you are going up in the elevator. In America, hallways are usually lit up and they still reflect what is inside. If it is a nice place, the hallways are still going to be nice. But it is so different here. You have dark hallways with beer bottles and cigarette butts, but inside the rooms are nice. You would never know if you just walked in the hallway. Not sure I am explaining myself well, but some of you that have been here know what I am talking about. The hotels may not be like that, but the apartments are. It is just different, that’s all.

Kostya will be here on Monday and I am excited to see him. I talked to him on the phone last night, but I was half asleep. I did hear him mention that I was his favorite client (I like to sign in my emails to him that I am his favorite…haha) so I think I heard those words and to get a good night’s rest because I deserve it. My eyes were so heavy and I was fading fast.

I want to get to Odessa. I am so close to Natasha and can’t wait to get to her. I know I need to enjoy my time in Kiev and I am doing that. But, I want to hurry and get to my daughter. It will still be a couple days so I need to just sit back and relax (and definitely play some card games).

I love you, my sweet boys. I hope to figure out skype later today and maybe I can connect with ya’ll. Mommy and Daddy miss you so much and can’t wait to tell you about your sister soon.

I cannot change other people

2011-02-06T04:46:00.002-07:00

I have not had a chance to tell you that I could not even get the simplest of things done. The week I left, it seemed everything was against me. I could not cash checks with the bank. There was $3000 in checks and my bank would not let me deposit them. $2000 was for the truck that sold and $1000 was a donation. They verified the checks, but still would not let me deposit. The man that verified them came back with the lady and asked why I had these amounts and asked what this money was for? I explained we were adopting and leaving soon. One was a truck that sold and the other was a donation. They told me I had to go cash these checks first and then I could come back and deposit the cash. Well, I would not need to deposit it then because I needed the cash for Ukraine. It didn’t make sense. So, I drove 35 minutes away to the banks where the checks were from and got them cashed with no problems. One bank charged $7 so we actually got $1993 for the truck, but it is okay. They still cashed them without any difficulty. Two days before we left, I received the checks in the mail from the guns and the $100 donation from the lawyer. They cashed the check for the guns with no problem, but the other check was made out to Fumia Adoption Fund so they would not cash it. They said I had to send it back to him and ask him to write another one with my name on it. I told them I was leaving the country and did not have time to do that. I called my friend who works at another bank and they said they could cash it there. The thing is, my bank knows I am adopting and we are the ONLY FUMIA’S. There is no one else there with our last name there. I understand why we couldn’t cash it, but the guy didn’t know to write it out to me. I just don’t understand why other banks can work with me and not my own. I don’t even know why I have a bank. But, the last straw was what the teller said. I could have handled all the other that I mentioned, but this was it for me. When we return home, we are changing banks. The teller said she cannot believe I am going to another country to adopt when there are plenty of children here. She was so disgusted with me and hurried up and shoved the money in the envelope and to me. She wanted me out of her booth. I could feel the tension. She does not know me and has no idea what God has told us to do. She just acted like I did not care about children in the United States which could not be farther from the truth. We have gotten that a lot with both adoptions. We always get people that ask us why don’t we adopt from America. If God told us our children were in the states we would have certainly adopted them there. It would have been much more convenient. But, we are only led by Him and I thank God that I let Him lead. I would miss out on so many blessings if I tried to lead my own life. Anyway, so most of the time we get this, people are not being rude. They are just curious and asking us the question. It is understandable that people would ask this because it does not make sense that we would travel the other side of the world to get a child when there are children where we live. I remember with Grisha’s adoption when I went to get certified birth certificates, the lady was so mean to me because I was adopting out of the country. I walked out of the office crying and this time at the bank was no exception. I guess it had to happen with Natasha’s adoption, too. It is hard to describe in writing someone’s tone of voice, but I am telling you she was so upset with me. She kept saying over and over how sad it was that I am not helping children in my own country. She really wanted me out of the bank and did not want to look at me anymore. I tried to smile back at her. It was so hard, but I did it anyway. I kept a smile for as long as I could and broke down as soon as I got outside. I walked to the van crying and sat in the van and just bawled.

In the midst of the storm, God so lavished His love on me. He reminded me He is holding me and Natasha. Another adoptive family donated the $1,200 and I posted what her email said. The words she wrote were so timely. I needed to hear all of that. I was so emotional and you saw how I closed myself up in Natasha’s room and just cried some more. I cried a lot the last few days.

But right before that, God gave me a verse through a special lady. She had no idea what I was going through and it came at the perfect time. She posted this to my facebook and of course, I started weeping as soon as I saw it. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." Thanks, Pat!!! Love you!!!

Then, the very next day we received a wire to our bank of ANOTHER $1,200. We also received online donations ranging from $10-$500. I was blown away by every one of them. I have not gotten a chance to thank all of you and please know how grateful we are. We are so humbled by your love, support, and prayers.

Update - we are here!

2011-02-05T11:31:00.001-07:00

We made it safely. I am extremely tired at the moment and going to bed. I will write more later. Love you all!!!

2011-02-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

I am totally God’s favorite (okay, okay…don’t get your panties in a wad. You can actually say that, too). On our long flight which is the hardest for me because of my hips and restless leg syndrome, we were able to sit in an empty row of five. I let all the hand rests up and laid down on the seats with my head in JC’s lap. It was so nice to lay down for seven hours. I never went into a deep sleep because I could hear everything around me the whole time. But, it was great and the most comfortable flight.
It was hard to leave. I have been so excited for a long time about getting my daughter, but the day I left I felt like I couldn’t do it. It was too hard to leave the children and I felt panicked. It is the exact same panic I get when I am about to have a baby. I am so excited the whole pregnancy, but when I am in labor, I all of a sudden feel I can’t do this anymore. Of course there is no turning back then. But, I almost feel anxiety and think there is no way I can do it. I start to feel sick and want to turn back. I do not know why I get this way. When I hold the baby, everything is all okay again and I think to myself, “How did I ever live without this child?” I forget that I panicked for a moment. But, when I started to feel I could not do this, I remembered that there was this one moment when I felt it with all of my children. I know when I see Natasha, I will forget that I panicked and wanted to turn back. I will once again say, “how did I ever live without her?”
God provided all of our facilitators’ fees!! Thank you so much for the donations that came through. I cried with every one of them. We still need about $3000 to finish up the process, but I have no doubts. God will get us home. He promised us Natasha and He is fulfilling His promise. He is an on time God and some of the fees will not be needed until later in the process.
Guess what else God did? I was sitting on the couch writing down some information about our flights. JC was cleaning the bar and he asked, “What is this?” I did not know who he was talking to and I was trying to finish writing. He asked again, “What is this?” I looked up and he was holding a piece of paper up in the air. He said it was a money order. It was dated 2/2/11 and it was now 2/3/11. It was purchased just the day before. I had never seen it before and I told him I hadn’t purchased any money orders. I think I have only had to buy a money order one time in my life. I walked over to the bar and looked at it. Sure enough it was a money order and it was not made out to anyone. It was completely blank and the amount was for $200. We asked the boys and they had never seen it. It just appeared on the bar and no one knew how it got there. It did not come in the mail and it was not in an envelope. It was just there. I started laughing with so much joy in my spirit and knew the Lord gave us that money order. I called my friend who works at a bank to make sure we could cash it. It was completely legit and JC cashed it the next day at the bank with no problems. It was an international money order it said. Isn’t that awesome? If God can put letters in the mail, he can certainly put money orders in your kitchen! Oh, He is a good daddy!!
I am still on the plane right now as of this post. We are almost in Kiev. W had some delays leaving out of Jackson so they had to reroute us. We were not able to go through Paris, but that is okay. We went through Amsterdam which is an airport we are quite familiar with. I will write again soon and let you know how the reunion with Vanya went. I can’t wait to see his smiling face at the airport.
I love you boys and I miss you so much! Mommy will be back before you know it.

Another miracle!!!! Thank you, Jesus!!!!!

2011-02-02T11:36:00.002-07:00

It has been such a rough morning. I do not have time to post about it now, but I will type that post hopefully by tonight. I just want to tell you of a miracle that just happened!!! Read the email below.

I am keeping this person anonymous, but want you to read this. It touched me so much. I was reading it from my cell phone and had to leave the room. I needed to be alone to just cry. I went into Natasha's room and closed the door. I had myself a really good crying party. Today has been so hard for me (will explain later) and God intervened in the midst of my storm and did this for us. Thank you, Jesus, for reminding me how much you love me.

Hey, Ashley.

So when I had asked you to carry our docs over to Ukraine, I thought to myself, "Maybe I'll send along a little donation since I didn't have to pay for FedEx." But then the plan changed, and we didn't need you to take our docs. Then God started working on my heart a little, reminding me about my rainy day fund. It's a little tin piggy bank that sits in my closet (low-tech, I know!). I don't work, but whenever I get money for Christmas, my birthday, etc. I put the cash in the tin. It's been accumulating for a while now. I keep thinking that we'll use it for some grand family vacation in the future, or that I should possibly save it in case of some medical emergency. The truth is, if Natasha was standing in front of me, I highly doubt I could justify a cruise or even saving the cash for some medical emergency (which we pray against anyways and trust God to protect us from!). Anyways, when I thought about all that, it just seemed silly to be sitting on funds that you, my sister in Christ, are in need of. We amazingly have more than enough for our current adoption, praise God! But I started to think about how I'd feel if I was you... Determined and standing in faith but hard-pressed for funds. I started thinking about what I'd say to our facilitator, or the concerns I'd have about paying for lodging and even food. I know that it's hard to fend off worry and stay in faith. I also know that Jesus said, "Be it unto you according to your faith." I know your faith is strong, and I'm believing with you for every last cent to come in to bring Natasha home. This is just the part that I know I'm supposed to give. I added about 3.2% to the amount that I felt the Lord wanted me to give ($1200), so you're really getting the "full" amount. Bring that girl home and continue to testify to the goodness and provision of the Lord. He's working all of this for His glory and for your good!